Been on my own for 19 years. Need advice...

[PositiveThinking1234]

I have been on my own 19 years now... I live in a remote part of the Country. I have tried online dating sites, joined clubs, walking in the countryside (safe here). Joined local fb groups. Trouble is there are no men and when they are no interest from my or their side. My Son has his own Family now and my family member. Sometimes it doesn't bother me and I go from day to day quite laid back and happy. I have tried everything and looked at situations from different angles. I have been actively looking then not for long stetches. It doesn't enter my mind. Any tips... part of me is still hoping. Thanx.

Don't bother, men are shit, I'm not having another one.

I live in a large city and have been single for 9 years. I've also had rubbish experiences of online dating and won't ever go there again. Men on sites want women 20 years younger, and I want someone near to my age.

I've accepted that I'll be single for life, and am reasonably happy and do appreciate the pluses. If I start to hanker after a relationship I just go on the Relationship Board and see what twats other women are putting up with and feel grateful that's not me.

I know you hate OLD and I totally understand why you don't want to give it any more time but did you try sites that cater for more specific situations? Such as Muddy Matches for more rural daters?

It seems that modern dating is excruciatingly difficult wherever you live. Lots of us in the same boat here OP.

Tried OKC????

Can you find some groups/clubs slightly further afield?

Can you take every other weekend as a short break and go to your closest city? You could try activities while there or just visit museums etc and be friendly and chatty to people?

Could you try different groups that you maybe wouldn't have thought of but may meet new people that way?

Could you start your own group for people wanting to make new friends?

Otherwise I think it might just be a case of keep going with OLD. You will have to kiss a lot of frogs but I'm sure you will find someone eventually. The paid sites are always going to be better with more serious prospective partners.

If it's companionship your looking for what about getting a dog? Really not trying to be facetious. I reckon a dog can be a lot better company than some men. Also having a dog means getting to know more people in your community.

Mermaidinthesea
Been at that stage 🙈 For years on and off!

MumsKnitter lol you sound like that way I felt for years, I can totally relate ♡

RosettaPebble Haven't heard of that site. I won't rule it out. But OLD isn't for me at moment.

noego
Sorry but can't think what OKC stands for 🌺

Foxysoxy01
Thank you; breaks away are too expensive as back to learning. Nearest big place 60 miles away. All great suggestions as love Museums, Theatre etc tho

ivegotdreadfulpmttoday
Haha! You made me laugh thank you 😃
Got a cat! I don't mean that kind of companionship. I mean everything sharing my life etc 👌

I was going to suggest looking out for residential (weekend) courses in one of the activities that you might join a club for (music? art?) as you'll meet people from further afield and enlarge your 'pool' in a way that we simply can't do when visiting a city solo; but I see that funds are tight.

You do sound a bit boxed in - remote area, no transport, no money - maybe it's not realistic to be looking for a partner at the moment, until one of those factors becomes more positive? Celebrate singledom & all that...

Ah op you could be me, I live in a rural town. Seriously thinking of getting a dog. It's weird to look back and think I've been single for 12 years, when in my teens, twenties I had lots of encounters and some good long term relationships before I got married. I don't know what to suggest but your certainly not alone with everything you have tried. X

Walkacrossthesand
I can't see my situation changing eg residence etc. Atleast not for the next few years.... I just feel I have to make the best of situations here. But really want to meet someone. Say upto 25 miles away. Each reply has been brilliant but so far I feel I have tried everything I can 😯 And I am not getting any younger. Had to go through so much rubbish by myself. And feel it's time to meet someone nice

OKC = OKCupid. But I see you mention you are not into OLD.

There's no answer other than the ones that have been suggested. If you've been on your own for 19 years and not met someone then you have to change something or it's not going to happen.

I agree with walkacross that if you can't change anything at the moment eg where you live then you have to accept things as they are.

I have been single for a long time and I rack my brains about how I could make a relationship work but in my current situation I just can't so I have put it all on hold for at least 5 years, probably more like 8, by which time I will be too old or won't care.

Thanksforasking
It is hard. But I can see by your reply you will understand. There has to be away.

noego
Thank you 🌸

On the dating front, you and I are in a similar boat OP. I've done plenty of OLD (Guardian, Match, OKCupid) from which I've had plenty of dates. Ten years ago most of the people on online dating seemed to be decent people looking for a partner. It seems to have developed over the years to being a bit of a cesspit of married men, men who will spike your drink, ghosters, guys who just want sex but their profiles say they can want a long-term relationship. I've had loads of dates and the last one led to a relationship that seemed fab but then he just disappeared one day. He'd given me a false name - God knows who he actually was.

I've done speed-dating.

I have a very busy social life.

I play in orchestras, have been in a cycling club, badminton club (all because these are things I do anyway; not as ways of meeting men) and I've not met anyone through these things.

I've been on dates set up by friends (one of which led to a short relationship but he was a 41 yr old guy living with his dad who, for example, relied on his dad to give him a lift home after our dates rather than walk the mile home from the station (while I got on my bike to cycle 3 miles home on a dark country road). I'm very independent and couldn't get my head around the man-childness.)

For me, unless someone is a recluse, going along to evening classes etc. is unlikely to be the answer and it will be such a shame if every new thing you embark on is eventually overshadowed by the vague disappointment of 'well this is yet another place I haven't met anyone'.

For the moment I'm content being single. It's a nice place to be but it's taken me years to get here! And I know at some point in the future I'll go back to wishing I could meet someone.

I bet if you get a dog or another cat someone will turn up.

INeedNewShoes
Thank you so much for your lovely insightful reply. I live in a small village. Where everyone swaps partners basically and the single guys are all crude to women and drink to extreme etc. I love nature and photography and go for long walks. That helps alot to relieve feelings of despair (not at that stage often thankfully), I put up photos on a local fb photography page which is nice.
But I am lonely.... I do alot off stuff off Facebook too... I don't know what to try now

Or try going to church. You will meet some lovely people, some of them men too!

TwoLeftSocks

Not an option 🌺

pallasathena
My Sister suggested that.... trouble is I know everyone here. Small place... plus I am more Spiritual than religious