Is this normal ?

[annabananna82]

So I've been off the dating scene for aggggges

Met someone couple of months ago and we are now an item

But I have a couple of concerns and would like your advice

He has been noting but lovely
The relationship is going very well and he seems very happy as I am

This weekend I'm going on a girls night out
It's been planned before we even became an item and I don't go out very often just whenever us mummies can arrange baby sitters etc

Anyway.....he has said he's worried about me going out.....asked why and this weekend he seemed to lay it on thick

He has said he's worried in case I get chatted up - I've said I'm not interested in anyone else as I'm happy with him! And although it's early days I've tried to reassure but he still says he's worried....he said because he has been cheated on in the past but I've said I wouldn't do anything to hurt him

He said he trusts me as I've done nothing to abuse that but he can't help it

What worries me too is that he has asked what I'm wearing and how I am when I'm out and had a drink ? Do I flirt?

And then yesterday I told him I'm considering joining the gym and he then said he was really worried I was going to meet someone in there ?!

At this point I've started to think is this right?

He then said he wasn't going to say anything so I could just have a good night as he didn't wanna make me feel bad but then he thought be better tell me ? So then I'm thinking why did he tell me then did he want me to feel bad?

I asked my bf and she said it's normal as if her boyf of 3 yrs said he's having a boys night out even she would be slightly worried ?

Just need some advice please as I'm feeling a bit concerned

Xx

What Watching and others said. He talks to you a lot during the day to keep tabs on you. This is controlling behaviour and I wouldn't tolerate it and cut my losses. I've been in an abusive relationship before. It starts innocuous enough and before you know it he'll cut you off friends, family and an early independent life. Trust me, there'll be someone just right for you. This man isn't. Don't even try reasoning with him about the ex. This guy has more issues than you'd care to solve.

Hmm, I wouldn't necessarily run yet, but I'd let him know this sort of thing isn't acceptable to you. If he continues to do it or disregards what you say THEN I'd be out of there. But I'd give him a chance first

Such bad advice. His behaviour shows who he is. You think a woman can make a controlling man change by telling him not to do it? Not possible.

It sounds like you should let this one go. It will only get worse. Cut your losses.

My sister's husband is like this. This is not about you or your activities or your personality or your wardrobe. All of these things are tools that will be used against you. It is about power. He needs to demonstrate his power to validate himself and you are the convenient, favorite, and easy target.

It is quite the manipulation, too, that he is so "fragile", "insecure", poor wounded puppy. He may or may not have been cheated on in the past. Unless you have witnessed this cheating first hand, I would wonder if his previous relationship ended because of this twatery behavior and he is rewriting history to save face (another important component fir power obsessed).

Leave him, immediately. By text even, this kind of bloke deserves no polite niceness. Complete solitude for the rest of your life would be bliss compaired to enduring this kind of oppressive social/emotional slavery just for the sake of being in a relationship. Love has nothing to do with it...and never will.

The longer you stay in this kind of abuse (voluntarily or not) will correspond with longer and longer time frames to recover from it.

Leave him, you want a partner not a jailer.

Asking you what you wear on a night out and how you behave when you drink - fuck that shit

Run away very fast and don't look back

Sorry haven't got time to read full thread now so apologies if there's been an update but I have been in an EA relationship and it started with crap like that...would be a massive red flag for me. Sorry.

This is a huge red flag and about much more than insecurity. HE has done it twice, gym and going out. Both of which are normal things to do. Mentioning it once, maybe, but to keep mentioning it?

Honestly I'd get out now. This is very very likely to get worse as the relationship develops and he becomes more invested. It's a huge sign this man is deeply controlling.