Has anyone come on here for advice about their DP & left the relationship??

[Toobloodytired]

Bit of a random one but am really intrigued to know if anyone has come on here asking for advice whether to leave their DP & actually gone through with it??

If so, how long ago & how has life been since??

Also, if anyone decided to stay how's it been??

I did. I posted on here for advice as he wasn't coping with being a father very well. It took MN to make me realise he was being very abusive to me and the children - I was definitely a frog in slowly boiled water and although I knew things weren't right I didn't realise how WRONG they were. It took me a year - some of MN were supportive with that - obviously I got some stick for not leaving a 20yr relationship after the first ltb post but got some fabulous support of me working how to leave the marriage in my time and on my terms. And actually, taking a year to do it meant I did it well and with the least damage I think. But I thank MN in my heart often. The often very blunt advise was often exactly what I needed and the reality check has ensured I and my children are safe and free

Yes. It was seven years ago now and while it's not been plain sailing, not having to share a home and life with him makes up for everything. I honestly do t think I would be here today if I had stayed with him. I didn't even realise I was being abused till I came on here and I suspect a LOT of women don't so ingrained is it to "keep the family together" and "work at the relationship" MN saved me when they told me "it's fine to leave, you're allowed to".

I wish Mumsnet had been around when I was married to my XH. I truly believe that the support and advice offered on here would have resulted in me going years earlier than I did.

I did too. I read the phrase 'get your ducks in a row' so I did, squirrelled money away and moved out once I could afford to.
Best thing I ever did, I am free as a bee now :)

I posted for advice maybe a year or more ago. We split up last month. He hasn't moved out yet but it's over and I'm so glad we're not screaming at each other every day any more. Weirdly I do still fancy him. Just cannot live with him. And despite this i am relieved it's over.

Yup. It wasn't instantaneous, but the LTBs reassured me that I wasn't wrong to feel how I felt.

With hindsight it was a horrendous and really abusive relationship (in more ways than I ever put on MN).

At the time family all supported staying in the relationship, but since they've all admitted they couldn't stand him and knew I was in pain. So it's also true that the people around you will maintain the status quo. Even good people.

I am now happily remarried. The kids are thriving and happy. It's like a different world. I had no idea that when people said "relationships are hard work", they didn't mean "all the time".

No one is going to leave a good relationship because a stranger says LTB.

And I will do a shout out of who helped me the most "AnyFucker" "solidGoldBrass" "Dittany" thank you and the lady whose name I cannot remember sadly who offered for her solicitor husband to give me advice as she had spoken to him about what I had posted and they were both so horrified that he said tell her I will advise her for free. I wish I could remember your posting name

I did, and I've been a million times happier since. I still worry a little about the effect leaving might have on the DCs, but I haven't regretted it a single, solitary time. He was abusive in the boiled-frog-death-by-a-million-cuts kind of way.

What made leaving infinitely easier is that I worked, and still work, full time in a very well paid job. Nothing and nobody will ever convince me to give up my financial freedom.

Although I didn't come on here for advice nor did I LTB, the B left me.

When I've felt down or weak, I've come on here to read others stories & find the strength to stay positive.

Yes, I did, this week

Yes me. I posted an AIBU about a row we'd had, and the responses made me see what a shitty relationship I was in. My thread was moved to relationships and I left him a couple of months later. I would have left him eventually, I couldn't stand my life with him in the end, but in real life when I complained about him the only advice I got was "yes, relationships are hard" or "nobody's perfect". The straight talking women of Mumsnet gave me hope and encouragement. For that I salute you!

EatsLeavesandShit same here. In real life, it's hard for friends and family to tell anyone to leave, unless things are really bad. My Hs controlling behaviour was so insidious that it was impossible for anyone to really know the extent of it. A lot of it could be written off as just normal couple arguments, if you didn't know that he would twist the truth until it was unrecognisable to get his own way.

My friend did. She used my account under a NC to post, after I'd told her dozens of women on MN would back up the advice I'd already given her. As they did. She LTB two weeks later and has gone from strength to strength since. I dread to think what life would be like if she'd stayed with her ex

I didn't post my own thread but I did write about it when giving advice about my situation with very recent Ex.
I've been on here a few years and had I not had the info I have gained from MN I might not have ended it (after some serious detective work).
It's too early days yet but I know I'll be OK.
He's turned out to be a sleazy, creepy, pervy fucker who actually makes my skin crawl, so I'm much much better out of it.

For me it wasn't a single thread, but the cumulative effect of being on MN for years and learning a lot about various types of abusive / shitty behaviour and gradually understanding what was going on with my DP. I did start threads of my own and was sometimes encouraged to LTB but more than that, it was people spelling out to me that I didn't have to put up with it and I was normal to find it upsetting (because exP also had a big line in denying all responsibility, making it seem like I was the problem, and doing a Mr Nice Guy act).

It was also reading posts from people who had left and getting hope from them. I remember people writing things like "My ex was like this – that's why he's an ex" and feeling jealous that they had left theirs, and wishing and hoping that one day I could write that too. Sounds so daft but I do think to myself "he's my EX" and it makes me happy.

My Hs controlling behaviour was so insidious that it was impossible for anyone to really know the extent of it. A lot of it could be written off as just normal couple arguments, if you didn't know that he would twist the truth until it was unrecognisable to get his own way.

Boring that resonates with me so much and is a brilliant description of what my ex was/is like. Just want to say I have been there and know exactly what you mean

noname and smellof your ex-h's started their own counter threads?!

Sounds really positive!

I didn't realise my ex was mentally abusing me until I came on here!

He'd left me by that point but made me realise how much he had brought me down!

Divers - of course he did he didn't like mners saying he was an arse!!!! Which he is obvs. I found out because a mner pm'd me when she recognised details in both posts

I would link but it's long deleted

he didn't like miners saying he was an arse!!!!

Yes and my ex got challenged by mners who worked out he had followed me on here then I joined the thread and it all kicked off until it was deleted. He maintains to this day that although posters sussed him out straight away and called him on it, he had lots of private messages of support .

Not on the basis of my own thread but I've read a hundred that were enormously helpful in helping me recognise 'the script' and that all the emotions I was going through were normal. He would have found it a lot easier to make me believe I was in the wrong by doubting my own eyes. I think I would have eventually ltb anyway but it would have been a much messier and emotionally devastating process. MN is awesome.

I LTB after posting for advice a year ago under a different nn. XP was emotionally abusing me and my poor DD and I didn't even realise until some mumsnetters spelled it out to me. We ended up in temporary accommodation for a while although we've now been rehoused. Best thing I've ever done. DD is so much happier now, her anxiety has gone and she isn't scared anymore.

When I was with XP I only slept for a few hours a night because I was so stressed out. I had night terrors constantly and my hair was falling out. Now I fall asleep easily and for 8 hours at a time and haven't had a night terror in months.

for all the lovely posters who helped me.