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Original poster

Would you be happy with your DH staying out overnight?

99 replies

Dixie2016 · 10/03/2017 11:03

If it was unplanned, last minute and not something you had agreed upon?

My DH has several times taken it upon himself to decide to stay out all night after a night out, to save himself the hassle and expense of getting back. He will go on a mid week work night out, drink too much and not bother to catch his last train. So he then has the choice of an expensive taxi home or to stay out. He usually stays at his companies flat, but has also slept on people's sofas.

This really pisses me off as I'm left to deal with our children not only during the evening of his night out but the next morning too. We discuss it but he still does it again.

He did it last night and I'm fuming. He says I'm being silly as he took the "sensible option", and that he did keep me informed of what he was doing.

Am I being "silly"? I just think staying out all night isn't something married people with kids can take it upon themselves to decide to do?

OP posts:
MusicToMyEars800 · 10/03/2017 13:04

My OH does this and has done it when he had work the next day, it doesn't bother me as I know that he ends up missing the last train and crashing on his mates sofa with most of the others that go out with them too, he lets me know though so if they are going to play snooker/poole I know he is most likely to be out for the night, if he said he was going to the pub in town which is close to where we live and didn't come home I would be fuming...

AnyFucker · 10/03/2017 13:10

Does he always have 1st dibs on the company flat then ?

Original poster
Dixie2016 · 10/03/2017 13:15

The flat is supposed to be used for people visiting from other offices in other places. So they don't need hotels. It sits empty most of the time. I don't know if anyone else uses it as a crash pad, or whether they are even allowed to.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/03/2017 13:20

Is he a drug user ?

Original poster
Dixie2016 · 10/03/2017 13:22

He used to be. He says not for the past 5 years, but I am starting to suspect.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/03/2017 13:24

I would think the same.

Emboo19 · 10/03/2017 13:26

I was also thinking drugs!!
I'd also be worried about him losing his job, even in a relaxed environment turning up hungover and wearing clothes from the night before, won't look good. And should he really be using the company flat when ever he likes?

Original poster
Dixie2016 · 10/03/2017 13:26

I have never managed to find evidence though. I have looked.

OP posts:
AppleFlapjack · 10/03/2017 13:28

My ex used to do this. I didnt mind when it was pre-arranged. He had a few friends who lived further afield and would involve an expensive taxi/leaving early to come home so I was fine that he would stay on someones sofa and come home in the morning. He once went out and didnt come home after a local (ish) night out and that really upset me as I woke up without him there and I thought that was really disrespectful to not bother coming home as I would never do that as we have two young children who woke up asking where he was.

WannaBe · 10/03/2017 13:30

Do you actually know he was dj'ing? Where does one go dj'ing on the spur of the moment then? It's not like karaoke afaik - they don't just let anyone do it in the clubs.

I'd be wondering whether staying in the company flat means staying in a flat - with someone else....

prismWitch · 10/03/2017 13:34

I would be so angry that the steam coming of my head would be seen from outer space.

Next time, if he pulled something like this I would call him at work, about 2 pm, I'm not heartless after all, and tell him I am going out and he has to sort out kids and do nursery pick up.

According to rules he set up, it is fine because you informed him, right? Maybe a nice evening with screaming kids, trying to sort out early leave from work and headache is exactly what he needs.

Repeat every time he does that.

But seriously I would really not stand for it. It is disrespectful towards you. It is like he thinks that kids are your responsibility and he is free like a bird to do what he wants.

Original poster
Dixie2016 · 10/03/2017 13:36

He wasn't DJ'ing in a club. It was a private work function. So he basically just meant he had taken over the sound system and was playing music.

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 10/03/2017 14:00

I'm thinking drug issues.

WannaBe · 10/03/2017 14:05

Sounds like he's having some kind of mid life crisis.

Sickofthisalready · 10/03/2017 14:08

My now ex started doing this a few months before he finally left us. It was unacceptable to me as he takes our DS to nursery, as I start work earlier tham him (so i can leave earlier to pick DS up). Therefore every time he did it I was late for work.

Even if we didnt have this arrangement I think its a respect thing. Once in a blue moon or pre arranged is ok but my ex was doing it 3 times a week, and going to work in the same clothesShock. Incidentally he's also a DJConfused.

Wingsofdesire · 10/03/2017 14:15

I would hate it. But then I'm rubbish at staying up late so prob wouldn't be a good partner for him in the first place!

Yes, it's immature and irresponsible and not fair on you and unhealthy and quite stupid, I think. At best. At worst, he's up to no good one way or another. :(

AnyFucker · 10/03/2017 14:16

The evidence is in that flat of course (if there is any). He is unlikely to bring drugs home if he has easy access to another pad.

stitchglitched · 10/03/2017 14:37

I wouldn't tolerate this. I'm not the default childcare and my DP isn't an optional parent when it suits him.

DP actually works shifts in a nearby city and they have access to bedrooms they can use. A few times he has had to stay at work late and needs to be back at work in a few hours I've told him to stay there and get some sleep rather than traipsing home but he refuses as he wants to see me and the kids at least once in 24 hours, plus give me a break to have a bath/grab a bit of toddler free time.

I would suspect drugs or cheating in your case. He needs to grow up.

MyStomachHurts · 10/03/2017 14:50

We don't have any children or I suppose it would be different, but I stay out about once every month or 2 but it is always pre planned. All my friends live in the city and I moved to country with my DP so she understands.

When I am out, I always ensure that my phone is fully charged. I stay in text contact for a lot of the night, sending funny photos of friends and what not.

Me and DP have a good friendship and she understands that I like to see friends. Heck, she's allowed me to go to the Wales rugby match tonight even though her dad's 60th party is tomorrow

Annesmyth123 · 10/03/2017 14:54

DP and me don't have any kids together. Our youngest kid between us is my 18 year old.

Not one stuff do I give if he stays out. But if he's told me he's coming home I'm likely to be half awake waiting for him and I'd be peeved if he stayed out all night at short nitice. I like him in bed with me. I sleep better.

Plus. The op has children with this man that he's assuming she can take care of. It's rude.

If I said to DP I don't like that can you just be honest and admit you're staying out and he kept lying by omission I wouldn't be pleased at all.

ImperialBlether · 10/03/2017 14:57

OK these things spring to my mind.

  • he's taking coke
  • he's feeling free re other women
  • he completely takes you for granted
  • he sees home life as boring
  • he smells when he goes into work the next day.
Original poster
Dixie2016 · 10/03/2017 15:20

This made me laugh :

he smells when he goes into work the next day.

OP posts:
PollytheDolly · 10/03/2017 15:47

Well it would piss me off and we only have a dog!

ImperialBlether · 10/03/2017 17:53

But Dixie, he would! He's been up to all sorts, drinking all night, then wears the same clothes the next day.

AnyFucker · 10/03/2017 18:27

I presume there are showering facilities at the flat ?

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