Dad died and husband went to conference

[StilletoRose]

My dad died On Sunday. It was a shock. And it was also from an illness I have a precursor form of (quite unusual so it might out me). My husband went to a conference for work Tuesday-Wednesday.

I didn't ask him not to go- he's made a fuss before if I get in the way of work stuff.

When I started crying about it today, he said I could have asked him to stay home and he would have. It's also taken him til today to connect with the fact that as well as losing my dad, I am now very worried for the future I.e. Will I die from the same thing.

I'm a) not sure that would have been the case b) not sure I'm able to stay with someone who doesn't see that it's a bad idea to leave a freshly bereaved spouse on their own for a couple of days (my mum is dead, no siblings, so no family to be with in his absence) c) also not sure I am in the best frame of mind to make any decisions.

He's never been the most emotionally intelligent guy, but I am really floored by this.

Had a good cry last night and then a good sleep. Feel a lot better today. Not sure where this is going to go in the long run, but I do need to make sure I get to grieve properly now and make sure I don't turn myself inside out trying to be another person. That kind of crept on me bit by bit, and it's taken a crisis to make it come crashing down.

Thanks for the support in the darkest hour. I really needed to let a lot out last night. After what happened with DH, I half convinced myself it was unreasonable to get upset and needed to get back to a place where I could cry uninhibited.

Thank you.

Sorry for your loss Rose

Grieve any way you need to. Cry if you want. Grief is different for each of us.

Any time you need to 'talk' to someone, we're here.

Oh Sweetheart, I am by no means a huggy person but I just want to reach through the screen and hug you.

I agree with others that everyone grieves differently, but your husband sounds like like a deeply unpleasant selfish and emotionally abusive prick.

My Dad died just over 10 years ago; there are still silly things that make me tearful, by now its a wishful tearful, DP doesn't really get it on some levels (as sadly he has no happy memories of his deceased father) and obviously can't join in the reminiscing about when we were little kids but he smiles and laughs at stories hes heard 5 million times before and gives support, that's what partners do.

You will make yourself ill if you carry on trying to be the Stepford wife he wants. Please take some of the suggestions above and get some RL support, and

My husband would react in a very similar way. He has significant autistic traits and is also suffering from depression. He is not, however "deeply unpleasant" or abusive and reading comments like that make me feel very sad that someone that didn't know him might leap to that kind of judgement.

OP I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. You've had some good advice that it's important for you to be able to grieve in the way that's right for you and I hope you can find the people that will be a genuine support for you.