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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dad died and husband went to conference

80 replies

StilletoRose · 10/03/2017 00:40

My dad died On Sunday. It was a shock. And it was also from an illness I have a precursor form of (quite unusual so it might out me). My husband went to a conference for work Tuesday-Wednesday.

I didn't ask him not to go- he's made a fuss before if I get in the way of work stuff.

When I started crying about it today, he said I could have asked him to stay home and he would have. It's also taken him til today to connect with the fact that as well as losing my dad, I am now very worried for the future I.e. Will I die from the same thing.

I'm a) not sure that would have been the case b) not sure I'm able to stay with someone who doesn't see that it's a bad idea to leave a freshly bereaved spouse on their own for a couple of days (my mum is dead, no siblings, so no family to be with in his absence) c) also not sure I am in the best frame of mind to make any decisions.

He's never been the most emotionally intelligent guy, but I am really floored by this.

OP posts:
StilletoRose · 10/03/2017 03:13

*some level

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 10/03/2017 03:17

Why do you think he can't help it?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 10/03/2017 03:18

You poor, poor thing. I was an absolute mess when my Dad died and I can't imagine having all this on top of my grief. It would have finished me.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 10/03/2017 03:18

And what MrsTP said:

You are allowed emotions. Especially about this.

StilletoRose · 10/03/2017 03:23

I did an evening class for interest (sort of introduction to psychology thing, part of it was about reading facial expressions). So we had a conversation about that- they had loads of those photos that are used in psychology tests to see how good people are at guessing what enmotion the person is feeling. He saw a lot of them as anger, we talked about the differences in the faces, he said he got it. But next time I was scared he thought I was angry. I thought for a while maybe my face was wrong.

OP posts:
StilletoRose · 10/03/2017 03:26

I'm really scared I'm just a horrible angry person now. I got quite depressed for a while so I just started pretending to be happy. Which made me more depressed. Then he got offended that I was depressed. He sees me not being happy as me being critical of whether he is a good husband.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 10/03/2017 03:29

Maybe he is right, maybe you are unhappy because he isnt a good husband

Worth considering.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/03/2017 03:40

DH often reads things a bit wrong. He has a narcissistic father and it's hard for him. As a result, he doesn't jump in, he tries not to make it about him, he apologises if he gets it wrong. And if I was grieving, I could be as angry and sad as I liked.

It's the combination of not allowing you to hide your emotions while also having ones he deems appropriate. It's like the Stepford Wives.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 10/03/2017 03:44

You are most emphatically not a horrible angry person.

EyeStye · 10/03/2017 03:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StilletoRose · 10/03/2017 03:54

Thank you all for getting how trapped I feel. I feel I am safe just now to just feel sad about my dad and cry for a bit. That it's ok to feel like. I was worried I would bottle it all up to hide it and have a hideous breakdown a few months down the line.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 10/03/2017 05:03

He sounds a bit like my dh. He struggles to see things from others POV. My dad died when I was 16 and I had no one supporting me at all. My mother doesn't believe in emotions and his death was all about her and her feelings so everyone rallied around her. My brother and I simply were side kicks in her show.

I was still very much stuck in my grief when dh and I met a few years later. Dh moved countries to be with me so we lived together pretty much from the get go, which was a big adjustment for both of us. I got very very depressed within a few months of being together as I was finally ready to face my grief. The depression lasted perhaps 18 months but did not fully resolve. Consequently, our relationship was tumultuous at times as he was completely out of his depth and young and we got close to separating on more than one occasion.

When his mum died, dh only cried once and really seemed to need very little emotional support even though I was available. When my much beloved and supportive dog died, dh was no help (this was the dog, who snuggled with me and gave me a reason not to kill myself during my depression). Dh expected me to continue to function as if nothing had happened and we had Christmas at ours less than a week later with my mother and her husband as well as dhs father staying over for a few nights. None of them offered me any support at all. It was awful. I ended up rolling around on the floor screaming after a crappy comment about the dog from my mothers husband. The pain was so intense and my husband coldly told me I should explain to his father why I acted this way....... No one came to my rescue. I was just left there being made out to be a mad woman by a group of emotionally illiterate people, who should have known better and didn't.

Since then, we've had a child. Dh has learnt through being a father to be more emotionally available. Most of this has come from me as I've had a lot of therapy and my emotions are no longer jumbled and raw. I've taught him lots about how to act and be with our dd, who is on a similar emotional level to me. I'm also a lot tougher emotionally so can protect both her and me when his emotional intelligence is lacking. And sometimes vis versa as well because things can get too much for me sometimes as I'm pretty ill myself. When our second dog died, Dh was much more supportive of me and knew how to act because he's learnt how to be with others. He was also a lot more emotional about the dog dying than when his mother died. For he now knows grief and emotional pain isn't a scary thing, just a part of life. He is far more accepting of others' feelings.

These days I am also far more accepting of how other people function. I get not everyone can support me emotionally. I see I'm pretty much surrounded by people, who don't get emotions. Dhs' father is definitely undiagnosed autistic and there were massive gaps in dhs' education of how to be an adult male with his father as a role model. Dh doesn't seem to have any major autistic tendancies himself. Both my parents are/were very immature and I've also learnt to be a grown up through my therapy and passed what I've learnt on to dh. This is making us both better parents and communicators.

I am really really sorry for your loss. It is so hard when you have no support network around you. The best advice I can give is to go and find the tools you need to support yourself. I'm proof this can work.

In the meantime, I would not censure my emotions. Tough shit if he doesn't like it. This about you, not him. And if he doesn't understand, perhaps tell him to leave you to your grief because he is making the whole process harder when in reality you need him to be there to make it easier. As this is the case, you are trying to accept he can't be there for you emotionally and the best thing he can do is to give you space to grieve without comment. This type of conversation would be best had in a calmer moment.

He sounds very very confused. His way of dealing with your emotions now and in the past is to tell you he doesn't want you acting this way. And it feels like he's preventing you from being you. Which it will be if you comply. So don't. He has to take responsibility for his reaction to your pain. It is not for you to censure your emotions. Otherwise you're just doing what I was trained to do as a child. To create a false self.

You've said you change your behaviour to please and protect him. This is a false self and as you live through your false self and act in ways contrary to your nature, it is normal that you are becoming increasingly angry. As the false self takes over, the authentic part of you is being squashed and is wanting to burst out. As you suppress yourself, you are being untrue to who you really are and this is a very unhealthy way to live.

So sfop tormenting yourself to be who you think he wants you to be. Get some counselling. Do this and you are advocating for you and supporting you. You are worth it. And in the long run, you may also be more available to teach your husband how to be. Either this or you will end up wanting more to life and not to be with him anymore. This is not something to be decided on today and time will tell.

I can also see time is also perhaps a precious commodity for you given how your dad died. And this is all the more reason to seek therapy/counselling. I can hear this is a very tough time for you. Flowers

Dumdedumdedum · 10/03/2017 05:26

I am very sorry for your loss, StilletoRose. May your dad rest in peace, and I do hope your concerns for your own health are allayed soon, too.
Are you having to arrange the funeral by yourself? That's a massive, horrible, stress, if so Sad.
Like lots of couples, my husband and I have been through quite a few losses together and have supported each other as best we could. Your description of your husband's attitude to your emotions reminded me of Christopher in "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time" only being able to identify "sad" and "happy" emotions when faces with various different moods were drawn for him to describe. But maybe I have misunderstood what you have said about your DH?
Grief takes everyone in different ways, but it is normal to grieve, whatever way suits you best, and don't let anyone tell you any different. If you have no family around you to help you through it, and reminisce, as you were able to when your mother died, your DH really needs to be more understanding. You need to cry, it's barely a week since your Dad's death, you don't grieve for a few hours on the day of the death and then it's all over, the grieving process takes time, certainly not mere hours or days, it can take months and even years. Plus, the death of your dad will probably have brought back memories of the death of your mother. Not forgetting that now, you are an orphan - at whatever age, that is a tough one to handle, just because you're an adult when it happens to you doesn't make it any the less awful.
I wish you well, it is most definitely not abnormal to feel sad. Flowers

3luckystars · 10/03/2017 05:58

If he has Aspergers, you are not going to get any support from him at all.

You are in a desert.

You will need to go to counselling to get through this, I can't imagine the pain of losing your dad and you are going to the goats house looking for wool if you expect any support at all from your husband.

I so sorry for your loss.

3luckystars · 10/03/2017 06:03

Just picking up what previous posters said, it will take years, not a few hours on a Sunday, you have to do whatever you need to do to get through the grief and not have to hide it. I found this link and hope it is of some help:

www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/index.php?/topic/7570-maybe-this-will-help-someone/

WorldWideWish · 10/03/2017 06:15

I agree about not censoring your emotions. I would try to stop worrying about the conference thing (because it sounds like he'd have been completely useless at supporting you even if he hadn't gone to it), and focus on grieving for your dad.

It's ok to feel sad about your dad. It's ok to cry. Don't expect your DH to feel the same as you, but do not hide your feelings because of him.

I haven't been through this myself yet (parents both still alive), but my friend's mum died six months ago and she is still desperately sad about it every day. That's normal.

Flowers for you OP

annandale · 10/03/2017 06:24

I'm very concerned about you. I really hope you have the energy to pick up the phone and find a bereavement counsellor, or at least I hope your GP will do something to help you. I'm sorry, i have no experience of grief but I wonder if the bereavement officer at the hospital might be able to help you somehow. I am really horrified that you are so alone at this time. Flowers for you. Would you like to say something about your mum? What was she like?

Trollspoopglitter · 10/03/2017 06:42

I'm shocked how many posters think it's ok for him to be like this and accept similar from their partners.

One of the crucial points of being in a relationship is to be able to emotionally support one another - through ups and downs that life throws at you.

whats the point of him exactly? Some sex?

Iris65 · 10/03/2017 06:56

I am sorry that you Dad has died OP.
My DP also behaves as your DH and has Aspergers. The behaviour isn't chosen per se, he lacks insight due to a complex developmental disorder. We work around it.

Oblomov17 · 10/03/2017 06:59

I too am shocked by your updates.

I have supported my dh is whatever way I can, when my lovely mil died last summer.
I don't know what to suggest. He is way of line. How can he not see this?

123MothergotafleA · 10/03/2017 07:12

What he wants is a Stepford wife, and not a human being with normal emotions.

WinnieFosterTether · 10/03/2017 07:39

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers
I have a funny feeling your DH will be better at supporting other people or responding in a socially acceptable manner to their grief. Having to mask your emotions to please him is all about control. Your grief isn't about him hence he isn't interested.
His decision to act like an uncaring, bullying arse (because it is a decision; it's not innate) at this time when you need support shows you who he really is. He isn't nice. I'm sorry you're having this revelation now. On top of your DF and your fears about your illness, it must seem too, too much.
Try to limit your time with him. He will try to make your grief about him ('you're not grieving correctly';'you're making him feel sad'). And it isn't. Any decent human being would offer support to you just now. Try to find bereavement counselling. Phone your friends. Post on here. You not only need a lot of support just now. You deserve it.

SituationNormalAllFuctup · 10/03/2017 08:03

In your shoes I would see this as the last straw and leave. He appears to bring nothing of value to your life. If he can't even show you the tiniest shred of consideration now, it's over.

I'm sorry for you loss Flowers

HelenDenver · 10/03/2017 09:09

Sorry for your loss. He is behaving terribly.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 10/03/2017 09:16

Thus us shocking, and not at all "normal". Every update just chills me more.

Do you have DCn?