This is my first post. I have been reading so many threads but am going around in circles beating myself up as to why I wasn't good enough.
I found out my H had been having a 9 month secret relationship with a previous colleague that involved texting, phone calls, sending photos (selfies apparently), talking about their relationships and how poor they were on several occasions (I had no idea it was until she told me- I'll get to that), and of course the getting to know one another that was mainly on Snapchat (no history of course, but she was his best friend on there once I got into the account) and a good few thousand snaps sent!! I've learned chats aren't even counted.
I found a conversation on his work phone that was kept in the car overnight. I went crazy and also learned that she had blocked me on every social media platform despite not knowing she existed until this point.
My H said it was all innocent texts, infrequent and a general catch up. I logged into his phone bills and found that he had been calling her during his journeys to and from work and even one night at 10pm when I was on a night shift whilst the DC were in bed.
I made contact with her and she appeared to be honest in telling me they had a lot in common (poor relationships) and that they supported one another etc., she told me some really hurtful things that he had said to her and she seemed to know a lot about my life. I think she told me because she didn't want me to tell her partner.
What I don't understand is that she is only 22. Ten years younger that H. No kids, no marriage or life experience. I don't think it was the marriage counselling he saw in her. Perhaps the fact she is a very attractive lady who I have since found out exchanged naked photos to another male colleague of my H's whose fiancee is just as devestated as me. She found out pretty sharpish though. I feel like a mug. Nine months of secrecy and betrayal.
This all happened before Christmas and I have tried many times to try and make a go of it again. However, I am having so many cycling feelings of hurt, anger, resent, disbelief, feeling like I don't know the true extent as he has done all of the gas lighting, minimising, denying etc etc nothing has come from him voluntarily. She has told me most things. Or I have found it (he denied ever calling her!!).
He believes that because he always loved me and didn't meet up with her etc then it isn't cheating. He admits it was wrong and is full of remorse but he didn't ever stop it. He also continues to minimise it despite some of the evidence I have.
How could he confide in her when I felt like we were such soul mates? We had a good marriage, or so I felt. Good sex life, although he told her we didn't do it much and that the spark had gone.
I really don't know what I'm asking for on here. I just feel better for writing it down. I think it's come to the end of the road for us when the year of 2016 has all been a lie.
Thanks for reading if you got this far.