In need of advice I think my husband raped me

[Tania3541]

I'm
Really confused I don't know what to think and we do occasionally have rough consenting sex so this is where I am confused

Me and my husband were in bed 2 nights ago and had Already had sex after he woke me up
it took Me about hour to go back sleep .... later I was
Woke up again to find he put his hands on my pants and was rubbing me and I changed position and groaned
I said no I was to tired
Then he put his hand in my pants and pushed his fingers inside me hard so I grabbed his hand & removed it and said NO * stop it !! as I pushed his hand away ... And I was putting pants back in place he roughly ripped them off and he climbed on top of me pushed my legs apart and had sex with me I was led there in shock and to stunned to say anything after I just turned away and didn't know what to think

We have had sex where he is more dominant than me and that's fine but I'm sorry I'm just feeling very confused
And trying to make sense of everything

He messaged me the next day and said sorry it was a bit rough last night but I couldn't help myself and I know you needed it
He came home last night and said he is fed up of me telling him no and won't put up with it anymore !!! I'm still in shock I don't know what to think

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer I stayed in an abusive relationship for much, much longer than I should have done because he made it so hard to leave him.

I had been conditioned to think I had to do him the courtesy of speaking to him face-to-face and he talked me round every time. Or did something batshit to deflect the issue (threaten suicide / say he'd overdosed on painkillers / threaten to beat up my friends - nice guy, hey?).

My conditioning to be a nice person was putting myself in danger, and wasn't appropriate in that situation. It's so clear to me now that was I should have done the first time I reaslised he was treating me badly was simply leave and not tell him till I had gone.

It would have saved me several wasted years an a whole load of self respect.

Now I understand that once someone has been abusive to you, all bets are off - you don't owe them the level of respect you would give to most people - all that matters now is your own safety and wellbeing, theirs ceases to be your concern once they have crossed that line IMO. I wish I'd understood that years ago!

I hope the OP hasn't responded because she's busy getting herself to a place of safety, but I understand it doesn't always seem so easy from the inside.

OP I am so sorry 💔 Echoing PP, this was rape. It does not matter what kind of sex you have had before, it doesn't matter if it was 10 minutes before, consent is required each and every time you have sex. Without consent, or in your case, a definite refusal of consent, it is rape and it is very, very wrong.

Can you contact someone in RL? Women's Aid or Rape Crisis? They may be able to talk you through practical things you can do to make a plan to escape.

Hello thanks for all your comments I am just trying to get my head straight and some kind of strength to allow me to process what has happened
I just feel sick to my stomach at the minute and in a daze still in shock x

So sorry to read what has happened to you - and as I'm sure you know - it was rape. is there any chance you can go and stay with your mum or a friend for a night or two? I fully understand the need to have time to process what you've been through and you need some space away from him to allow you to do that.

Tania my love I think you need to report this to the police. This was most definitely rape. It might also be a good idea to see a doctor as soon as possible, if you're in shock you might not realise if he has hurt you. Is there anyone else you can go to for support, what about your parents/siblings?? Contacting womens aid and rape crisis is a really good idea as well.

Thank you for sharing TOCP

Tania hope you find that strength ASAP! He needs stopping. And I really do worry about you bring there tonight. Do what you can to get and stay safe.

flowers] tania. This is tough, but you can do it.

do you have anyone in RL you can talk to? Or if you don't feel ready to talk, just to go be with?