I have been reading and reading trying to get my research to match up with my optimism/denial.
My partner and I have been together for little over a year. It is the usual, he initially presented as amazing, academic, intellectual and an all round really good man.
My personal situation - living and work arrangements weren't great and my feelings for him along with a little bit of his encouragement were enough to get me to make a giant leap of faith and move area and resettle with him.
We stayed at his parents for a while and then moved, we had a few arguments and I put it down to the cabin fever effect of living with his mother.
Needless to say things have dramatically spiralled. He began getting spiteful when I spent any time away from him. Hes response to my family contacting me was they were too needy... after several months of living with him i was realistic he wasn't the one.
This was compacted by a rather serious incident where he bit me so hard he has left a semi permanent scar on my leg through denim and leather boot. I found out he was using hard drugs and was just generally and looser and abuser.
My dad who ended up clipping him in the mouth after he locked me in at work and rubbed my face in the carpet which left me with carpet burns and black eyes, said it had been a ploy by his family to off load him on to me as they were fed up of him.
Moving forward, he was forceably removed and ejected, I got support from womens aid, had a lovely shared home which i could afford.
What happened next?... found out i was pregnant!
I am now seven months along and he has put his hands on me a few times, bit me in the face, walked out on me Christmas, been using cocaine and then denying it to my face.
I permanently feel like i am having rings run around me, I have offered to leave I have threatened to run away. I fear I am starting to look like I am perpetuating this, but I just wanted to give him the chance and reason to sort him self out.
I thought the support I try and give him and the motivation of having a child would kick him in the back side and give him some purpose. All i feel now is there is a waiting game for babies arrival for him to up the anti and really trap and control me.
I telephoned womens aid tonight whilst he was at work, I want my child to be safe and I have nightmares of him phyisically fighting me for the child if an arugment got out of hand.
From what I have read there isn't much scope for people like ths to sort their lives out. But if any of you have any stories of their OH turning it around please do share.
I thought as I got bigger he would start to realise the gravity of what is going on, he has a job, he goes to school and he has got me out of shared accommodation ready for the baby. but I still feel like its all lipservice and behind my back i am the running joke of a mug - the mrs. indoors who doesn't realise how much of the micky he takes.
I hope I'm mistaking tyranny for immaturity.. and when he holds his baby it wakes something up in his head.
Womens aid have given me numbers for a refuge and if i go i will have to go properly because of my fear of retribution, he gets so angry.