Hi MNers,
Please, some constructive advice much appreciated.
DH and I married 14 years ago. Everything has always been shared - shared bank account, our house, including the money my parents have gave us to help buy our first apartment. We were totally blessed in this.
I love him dearly and imagine our retirement together. We both do. We've had a few rough patches lately. During a couple of arguments he's suggested he could conceivably leave me/separate. Although we've always patched things up. It totally rocked my confidence at the time. I have never made this threat to our marriage.
Anyway, things were in a good place. But today with great difficulty and nervousness I brought up the subject of inheritance and said I would probably like to maintain some control of what my parents leave me as I was shocked and lacked trust after he'd threatened to leave me. I am fortunate enough that there may be some money for us, whereas my DH's side is less likely. Something he apparently has various issues about.
I now feel terrible. Like what was once 'us in it together ' is now like some sort of awkward Pre-nup agreement. He was pretty defensive and upset by it, saying he'd be left with a one bed flat in Timbuktu etc if we split up. He also said he feels overshadowed, emasculated by my parent's money, like he will never have done enough to earn it and what I've now said only confirms that in his mind.
Neither of us want to split up. I feel sure of this. DH loves and looks after me so well. But after he made those earlier threats that he could leave me I felt nervous it may be possible if things got ugly and maybe he would once I'd inherited. Although deep down I don't think he would.
We'd started to plan stuff long term with the idea we would come into a bit of money, but it's made me feel uncomfortable lately.
A long one sorry! It's quite involved.
Any similar stories? What agreements do you have with your DPs? Do you discuss it openly?