Husband has recently left me - the in-laws

[Polly46219]

I just wondered if anyone had encountered the same problem/issues as me. My husband came home from work the day after Boxing Day, announced he didn't love me any more and that was that. He said he'd been thinking about it since March 2016. I subsequently found out he's been seeing someone at work - she has a young daughter. My husband and I have a 2 year old son. He moved out on New Year's Day and is now living in his parents' spare room. His Mum is doing his washing for him and cooks him a hot meal every night. They know he is seeing someone else and I am absolutely livid with them - it's almost as though they think this whole sorry mess is acceptable. My Mum told me that it is hard for them and they're going to put their son first but, I am still angry that they are almost facilitating this relationship and condoning his behaviour. His Mum won't get into any discussions about it with me and instead speaks to me in her 'sing song' voice about the weather etc when I see her every week (she has our son on a Wednesday) and I'm not sure how much more I can keep my mouth shut - I feel like I'm going to explode! At the weekend she posted a photo on facebook of her, my father-in-law, husband and sister-in-law saying what a fab night they had and lots of laughs. Er, hello?!!! Daughter-in-law in bits at home with your grandson 2 miles away!! Am I being unreasonable in my thoughts?!

The whole 'let it go' concept feels like (a) an admittance it's over

It is over though isn't it? Your marriage I mean.

You don't know what goes on at MILs house behind closed doors. She could have ripped him too shreds and be disgusted at his behaviour. And for the pp saying cut the contact on Wednesday, that's shitty behaviour. MIL didn't step out on OP. Why should she be punished? Whether op likes it or not she will always be attached too that family.
I think it's taking some balls for MIL too turn up every Wednesday too take DC knowing full well what her son has done and the uncertainty of how OP will react towards her.
Most MIL when the son leaves don't bother with the GC and this MIL is still participating in his life.

Think your aiming your anger at the wrong person OP.

My ex MIL distanced herself a bit after our split, she never really said a lot about it. However a few months on she has been making an effort with the DC and actually burst into tears the other day when exP was brought up in conversation and she said how embarrassed and ashamed she was of how he had behaved and wonders what it is she did wrong. I think she avoided me initially because she didn't know what to say about the situation given it is her son. Could it be your in laws are in this situation? I'm sure behind closed doors they don't approve of what he is doing but he is their child so they are unlikely to tell you what a shit he's been.

Can't believe the groupthink on here. Do not let your mil have ds on Wednesdays any longer, do not engage with her further and fuck 'er, frankly. She's being insensitive at best; abusive at worst. UNLESS of course he's fed her a load of BS. If I were you I'd have it out with her and lay it all on the line.

Abusive?

Because she posted a picture on her social media of a night out with her family??

Wow.

OP my heart goes out to you. Your 'D'H has behaved despicably. I find it breathtaking when someone does what he did. Sadly your MIL is inevitably going to take his side. Nothing you can do about that. However she could at least have expressed her sadness and disappointment at his behaviour (if she hasn't already) especially as this is so recent and raw.

Unless you can avoid seeing her for a while I would be pleasantl but distant and keep handovers brief. At least until you are feeling stronger. She should absolutely be sympathetic to you but maybe she simply doesn't know what to say to you.

You will rise above this in time. In the meantime make sure you get all the support you deserve. A man who can walk out on his wife and young child for a woman who is happy to be part of that are not worth your pain. I'll bet his mum is ashamed of him - at least she should be

Didn't even consider the fb bollox Madmags to which I'm utterly indifferent. It's the lah lahing sweeping it all under the carpet abuse I couldn't stomach.

I would avoid contact as much as possible.

"Look after yourself first, noone else will" was a motto of my very kind Dad! It puzzled me as a child as he was a loving person. But if applied wisely it makes sense. You are no good all chewed up by meeting them or seeing their life on social media.

She doesn't have your best interests at heart. He will have told them a crock of shit about you. I don't see any reason for you to maintain contact. It's just detrimental to you. They can see their grandson during contact with their son. It's one thing to support your child. It's pathetic to lay out the red carpet for someone who has behaved like a cunt.

Seriously!

She's not abusive. She's just an ex-mil.

Her son is her family, not OP.

What kittybuscuits said.

I would agree with kittybiscuits sentiments also.

It's a terrible situation OP, my DB was in a similar situation this time last year after he left my (hopefully) stbxsil after her 3rd affair, her family condemned her to his face and told him they didn't want anything to do with OM but within 4 weeks there was happy family stuff on Facebook.

It was probably silly of my DB to believe his in-laws when they said that as she is their daughter after all, perhaps if they had been descreet without all the Facebook posts it would've been better, though in fairness to them most of them did come from stbxsil.
Mind you, no one from her family had any visible Facebook reaction when she announced she's now pregnant with OM.

It's totally normal to be hurt by he situation your in and your DH sounds like a total arsehole, but it is an impossible situation for the in laws especially with you having a close relationship your MIL is bound to be torn and worried about saying the wrong thing to anyone in case she makes things worse

Dissenting. I'm angry on your behalf OP. It comes down to the priorities of the family. I know families who have given family members who have cheated or abandoned their partners and children a very hard time, and reached out and supported the betrayed spouse (and children especially) and given them loads of help and attention. Then you have families like your ex's. The parents are weak-willed in my opinion. And lacking in certain moral judgement. I'm not suggesting they shouldn't have given him a room to live in, but I know if it was my son, that unless you were absolutely odious as a wife, he'd only be allowed to stay on the provision that he be responsible for his choices and move into rented accommodation with his new bit fairly quickly.

Perhaps knowing in the back of his mind he could always return home to 'hot daily meals' with little to no consequences, has made it fairly easy to dump things when the going gets tough and move on to a life loaded with less responsibility so quickly. Is he the only boy in the family by any chance? Sounds spoilt and entitled. And his mother's facilitating it along with the rest of them. I bet he was hard to please when you were together!

Don't worry OP. I GUARANTEE that if his new relationship gets serious he'll eventually walk out on that one too the moment the responsibilty (insert children, attention divided partner and bills) outweighs the comfortability and fun. In this case it's truly not you. He simply can't deal with serious responsibility for too long. He hasn't been raised to shoulder his responsibilities and live with consequences. Only now you can see why. Their behaviour is odious, and if I were you I'd rather pay to hire a babysitter. I think you're perfectly entitled to be livid. HOWEVER I would relegate them to the periphery, both mentally and physically. I wouldn't want that example for my son.

Better things will come. Then YOU'LL be the one posting nice breezy, laughter filled photos on facebook when you've moved on, and they'll be wondering why they didn't take the opportunity to build bridges of support when you and your DS needed it most. Screw them and chin up!

antiquesinger Your post could have been written for me. Thank you.

Good luck OP. I think the contrasting opinions on this thread suggest that you should keep contact with MIL for your Dc's sake, but to keep a civil distance from MIL. And play the long game.

I hear you OP.
i didnt expect my xmil to side with me but if she'd said something along the lines of 'he trrated you badly, this isnt something he should be proud of snd i hope he learns from it', i would have felt less anger.

She was so delusional though, she had to demonise me so her son could be blameless. Lost all respect for her