Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

i think he got me pregnant on purpose

83 replies

SammieSalmon · 18/02/2017 17:27

Im a single mum to a 13 month old hes the love of my life! I split with his dad just before i had him. Dont ask me why but a conversation with him about when/how i got pregnant whilst in the early stages. I remember him saying when he was behind me he took the condom off. We were on holiday and had been drinking. He was laughing but when i look back at the dates around that night was when i got pregnant

OP posts:
Miserylovescompany2 · 18/02/2017 18:43

A bloke in Switzerland was charged with rape for removing a condom without consent. I'd imagine its a very grey area in the UK? I think it would be different for example if the person removing a condom knew they had HIV, then it would most likely be classed as GBH or worse...

I would get some legal advice.

NotWeavingButDarning · 18/02/2017 18:44

It's really not a grey area. It's non-consensual. Therefore rape.

Miserylovescompany2 · 18/02/2017 18:50

Has anyone been convicted in the UK? Is so, I'll stand corrected on it being a grey area.

I agree it SHOULD be classed as rape.

BarrackerBarma · 18/02/2017 18:50

If a woman does not consent to unprotected sex, and a man then penetrates her regardless, it is rape.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 18/02/2017 18:52

It would certainly be worth educating your ex on the law's view of his actions. He needs to take this seriously.

Whether on not you wish to act upon the advice given is up to you. If you are struggling to come to terms with it, your gp can access some counselling sessions for you. It might help to talk it through.

Regardless of your experience at the hands of your ex, it's worth holding onto the fact that you have a beautiful son who you adore, and nothing can taint that. Flowers

BarrackerBarma · 18/02/2017 18:52

Has anyone been convicted

isn't really the standard we should apply.
Most rapes do not result in conviction.

Has there ever been a conviction for FGM in this country?
Is that a grey area?

Trainspotting1984 · 18/02/2017 18:53

"Has there ever been a conviction for FGM in this country?"

Yea

Trainspotting1984 · 18/02/2017 18:53

Yes even

SilentlyScreamingAgain · 18/02/2017 18:56

I'm so sorry this has happened to you OP.

Has anyone been convicted in the UK? Is so, I'll stand corrected on it being a grey area.

In a similar vein, at least two women have been convicted of rape for leading their victims into believing that they were men. I would have thought the premis was the same, consenting to one kind of sex and having another forced upon you.

Greaterexpectations · 18/02/2017 18:57

This thread has hit a nerve with me as on a number of occasions after sex my ex used to joke about how the condom had 'fallen off' during the event when it actually hadn't. I'd normally use the pill as well but couldn't at the time for medical reasons so was fully reliant on condoms and his jokes scared me to death. He was desperate for a baby for all the wrong reasons and once the jokes started I didn't trust him not to remove it without telling me. Why any man would think it was funny to remove a condom or even just joke about removing it is beyond me.

I think education on consent, sex and condoms still has a long way to go as until reading this thread I would never have thought of removing a condom as technically being rape but it definitely makes sense. Needless to say I dumped my ex for his 'jokes' along with many other reasons.

Olympiathequeen · 18/02/2017 19:00

Did you have unprotected sex at other times when you thought you might have got pregnant? If this was the only incident I would personally consider going to the police, but you will struggle to bring a successful prosecution (or the cps would). He would only have to say he was joking and hadn't done anything of the kind and the pregnancy had been the result of condom failure. Either way I would cut him out of my life as completely as I could. He sounds a total wanker.

Lweji · 18/02/2017 19:02

Miserylovescompany2 Sat 18-Feb-17 18:43:01
A bloke in Switzerland was charged with rape for removing a condom without consent. I'd imagine its a very grey area in the UK

Look up previous posts.

refusetobeasheep · 18/02/2017 19:02

This was clarified in U.K. Law when they were considering whether to extradite Assange. And confirmed that if the consent was dependant on using a condom, a jury could consider it rape if then penetrated without one.

Miserylovescompany2 · 18/02/2017 19:04

My comment was in direct relation to the UK law of rape as it currently stands. Not FGM, which is something VERY different and completely off topic.

You have purposefully taken my comment(s) out of context.

Lweji · 18/02/2017 19:06

The pp was explaining that having or not having convictions doesn't mean it's not clearly stated in law.

The relevant law is explained and linked in previous posts. It's definitely not a grey area.

Miserylovescompany2 · 18/02/2017 19:07

I stand corrected then.

BeyondUnderthinking · 18/02/2017 19:07

Re the person convicted of GBH for infection with HIV. You can prove that a person had knowledge of their positive status prior to the rape occurring. You cannot "prove" it was rape in the same way. It probably comes down to GBH simply being easier to acquire a conviction.

VestalVirgin · 18/02/2017 19:07

I think it would be different for example if the person removing a condom knew they had HIV, then it would most likely be classed as GBH or worse...

Considering that a woman can die because of conditions directly caused by pregnancy and childbirth, I don't see why exposing a woman to the risk of pregnancy against her will should not also be classed as GBH or worse.

In a similar vein, at least two women have been convicted of rape for leading their victims into believing that they were men. I would have thought the premis was the same, consenting to one kind of sex and having another forced upon you.

Indeed. Especially since penetration by a condomless penis is much more dangerous than penetration by a penis with condom, while a dildo is less dangerous than a penis with or without condom.

The psychological harm being equal, there's no reason why the kind of rape that endangers a woman's health more should be punished less severely.

Lweji · 18/02/2017 19:16

I don't see why exposing a woman to the risk of pregnancy against her will should not also be classed as GBH or worse.

It makes it an aggravating factor for rape. It adds at least 3 years to a minimum sentence of 8 years in total.

BarrackerBarma · 18/02/2017 19:18

As an aside: Could you link or reference the convictions for FGM in the UK please MiseryLovesCompany2?

As far as I knew there hadn't been any until last year despite FGM being prevalent, hence my post that just because a crime goes unpunished this does not mean it is a grey area?

Valentine2 · 18/02/2017 19:19

Will it not be comsidered rape?

Valentine2 · 18/02/2017 19:21

What a heartless thing to do to another human being. Sorry you are going through this Flowers

Original poster
SammieSalmon · 18/02/2017 19:23

Thanks everyone. I dont know if he was joking but why say it? Hes a knob. Obvs i went ahead with the pregnancy and i love DS so i probably need to stop thinking about it

OP posts:
ShugAvery1 · 18/02/2017 19:30

Jesus Christ this thread makes me want to weep.

I'm so sorry OP.

Original poster
SammieSalmon · 18/02/2017 19:32

He did used to make sick jokes so it may have been one of them.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread