**Trigger warning from MNHQ** "Need help, my father is abusive but can't leave "

[jainak]

Since I was 13/14, I have been suffering from physical and sexual violence from my dad. It has been very horrible. I just spoke up about it a couple of months back. Until then I had it all within me for the last 9-10 years. I've just had enough of him now. I am also fearing being forced into marriage. I still feel I am too young for all that to happen to soon in my life now. I want to share with you a part of my life which is as follows ,

At the age of 14 (2007), he sneakily began to touch me inappropriately and this has continued to happen since then . The first time it ever happened was one day after school when it was the end of the day , time to go home. That day I was supposed to go home with my best friend but that got cancelled and I had to go home with dad as he came to collect me , he was waiting for me at the school gates, waiting to take me home. Nevertheless did I know that I was going to be attacked as soon as I got home . As soon as we entered the house , torture began. He forced me to take my clothes off and undress in front of him so that he could enjoy. He had forced me to have sex with him.I was very frightened and scared to act on anything or to do anything about it as I was in a lot of fear . I was forced to watch the dirty naked movie scenes on his laptop and then forced to go in the shower with him; whereby he would torture me , make me unconscious and then rape me and leave me there to deal with it .

Then at the age of 17/18, he still continued to do that but it kept on getting more frequent with more and more amount of torture.

Now I am 21 , and it's still happening on a regular basis. I just feel like there is no end to it , even though I have tried my utter best to make it stop by going to the police for help; but even then I was forced my grandparents and my uncle to withdraw my statement that I had given with regards to dad.

I really need some helpful advice from you all to help make this stop somehow .

Pack a bag. Google your nearest women's shelter, phone them, and tell them you're coming now.

Do you have money for a taxi?

Evening all. Thanks for the reports on this thread. When people contact us about threads they're concerned about, such as this one, we think it can be useful to link to our We Believe You campaign - we hope that it gives you some valuable information, janaik.

Also, we hope you don't mind, janaik, but we're going to add a trigger warning to the title of your thread as there's a chance that the horrendous experiences you've described will affect other posters. You've been given some great advice and support here but we hope you can also find some support in RL too.

Please do keep posting here if you feel that it helps.

You need to get the hell out. Have you ever worked? What kind of job do you think you might be able to do? Getting out of this situation is more important than anything. Don't worry if you are studying or doing something you think you must continue...there will be time for that. These people who call themselves your family do not care about you. You have to care about yourself. Just go and apply for some jobs tomorrow, working in a shop for e.g.. Then start working. As soon as you are able to ASAP- move out. You need to be employed and independent.
Do you have a CV? Work on one if you don't.

Oh my God, you poor darling. Please ring women's aid tomorrow and leave ASAP. Keep posting here. You are not alone xxx

Where are your mum and sister when this is happening?

janaik I'm so sorry, but your family are absolute monsters. Like a previous poster said, there is no culture that wouldn't condemn what your father is doing. You don't have to tolerate this any more. You're in London. Pack a bag and contact the police, Women's Aid, or any of the other organizations other posters have mentioned. You absolutely CAN leave. And I think you should.

Please contact women's aid, they can help you.

There is nothing worse than not being believed. And especially if someone is hurting you so dreadfully. Someone who is supposed to cherish and protect you. And the people who should always be on your side and protect and love you - your mum, your sister, your grandparents - they haven't.

My heart goes out to you. I'm sure we can help you somehow. We must. You don't have the help you should always have had from your family. So we will try to give you some of that help here.

You sound as if you have a very strong culture about what love means to the family, and it means absolutely trusting and obeying your parents and never betraying them, and for parents to absolutely love and look after their children. In this case, the person who has broken the trust and betrayed the family is actually your dad, but nobody can cope without th that idea, so they're blaming you. It's either you or your dad they believe, and it's easier to believe you're lying.

I understand why you're scared to leave and why you can't imagine living separately to your family.

I think you should ask the gp to get you to a psychologist in the first instance. You need someone you can talk to who will listen. Did you have any counselling or treatment after you tried to hurt yourself?

I think we take this one step at a time. Hang on in there.

And there is a very quick way to try to prove your case. I don't know if you can somehow manage this, but record when your father attacks you. For example have a phone somewhere in the room, recording. It might need to record hours of nothing but it might catch an attack one time. And so long as your father's voice is clearly recognisable, only once is needed.

Does that sound like something you could do? And don't feel bad about doing it because it's his fault and he needs to be properly caught. And nobody is helping so you must help yourself. And nobody could hear it and say you're lying. It's a very strong support for you.

I appreciate it is easy to say but if your mum and sister want nothing to do with you, your father is abusive and your grandparents don't believe you, why would you not just walk away and find refuge somewhere?
Also, your father is still abusing you yet you live with your grandparents. Where are they when this is happening?

OP please leave, please go back to the police, you can't carry on living like this :(

And yes my first option would be you just leave now forever, but it seems you've somehow tried that and it hasn't worked yet. Your family has a very strong pull on you - but only so long as you believe that. Which is why I think you might first need help to get stronger.

I know it is easy to say but try to ring women's aid just to get some advice. I know it isn't easy to just leave but taking the first step will be a good start.

Piss off Hate (how apt).

Report the OP, and me, if you want to but that sort of nitpicking shite helps no one and only reinforces the message that no one believes you when you have been raped.