Hello all
A week or so ago I posted a message here about WhatsApp messages I found on husband's phone to a female co-worker. Before Christmas there was a lot of moaning about me, which I asked him to stop and he said he would. A few weeks ago, I found out he was still doing it - but this time, he was insulting me and complimenting her, so it was quite flirty.
I had a lot of 'LTB' responses here but I decided to confront him and he completely broke down. He admitted it and also took responsibility for everything that has been not so great in our relationship. We have been through some tough stuff - we had the stress of an extension on our house that didn't always go to plan (neighbours caused problems that cost us extra money), I gave birth last May to our second beautiful daughter, and I was being very badly treated at work that led to me taking a lot of time off with work-related stress this time last year. He has complained a lot about me not showing him enough affection or getting enough sex, and that he feels like I don't love him and I just keep him around for his financial contribution and to 'babysit' our children. I've just told him don't be silly, of course I love you, I'm just tired a lot, baby is only 7 months, and we've been through a lot of stress etc.
So yeah, he was distraught and apologised repeatedly, he cried, he threw up. After a few days mulling it over, we had a make-or-break talk and I decided to forgive him and attempt to move on. Cue model husband behaviour. He cut off all contact with this woman though I never asked him to. Things were really looking up.
Until yesterday, when I received a text on my phone from the woman in question, telling me there's two sides to every story. I have no idea how she got my number - I can only recall meeting her once, yeeaaaars ago. Intrigued, I enquired further. She told me that although my husband is a good friend, she has found him very hard work in recent months as he has been very suggestive towards her. She didn't want to tell me everything but I pushed her and she print-screened the WhatsApp conversations (that took place before our make-or-break talk and that he had deleted from his phone so I only saw the less damaging ones - explains why I always thought it looked as though there were gaps) and they revealed the worst. To say that he has been 'suggestive' is an understatement. He has in detail said things he would like to see from her, do to her etc. And he even took a photo of himself and sent it to her. She didn't encourage him but he kept pestering her, honestly it was pretty pathetic. He was almost begging her to play along and send him photos of herself etc. I can't bear to read the messages again which says a lot as I'm usually such a morbidly curious person. I am ashamed and embarrassed by them and I didn't even write them.
So my pain is twofold really. He said he wouldn't text her again but did, and when we had our make-or-break discussion he kept from me just how far these messages had gone when he had every opportunity to be honest with me in the spirit of moving on. He also lied to me a few weeks back when he said he went to the pub with his mates and he actually went to see her. My other pain is that he was able to betray me so deeply and he just isn't the same person I married. Unless this was always in him and I just didn't see it.
So I packed a bag for him for when he got home and told him to leave. Again, he cried. He paced repeatedly. He went and got baby out of her cot (this was about 8:45pm) and just stood there in the hallway holding her and sobbing like it was the last time he would ever see her. He went up and cuddled 4year old too. Then he left.
He's gone to stay at his parents and he told them everything. Him and his mum came back today to pick up the girls and his mum came and gave me a big hug and told me she was really sorry and how shocked she was to hear what he had done. She seems to think we can work through it, but as I told her, she didn't see the messages. He is desperate to win me back. He is going to counselling and asked me to go but I said no. Honestly I think this is the end. I look at him and all I see is a desperate sex addict loser. He had everything - I loved him, we have two wonderful girls and a lovely house and I was about to apply for an excellent job that would mean he could be a part time worker and spend more time with the girls. And he has thrown it all away - and he knows it.
I guess I am just here for support. I'm scared of everything that's going to change if I don't take him back. I don't want to say I have made my mind up as this all happened only yesterday and I am pretty emotionless - just in shock still I suppose - though I do just want to cry every now and then. And I'm so angry with him for what he did and how he is putting me in the position of having to make a decision like this. But I really do feel like this is the end. It feels so surreal, like it's not really happening.
I am worth more than this. I deserve better.