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Relationships

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Original poster

Valentine's Day, received nothing.

85 replies

babyboy2015 · 14/02/2017 16:00

Hi all,

me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years now, and to this date he's never gotten anything for me on Valentine's Day.

I did give him a hint about 2 months ago and said I'd love something for Valentine's Day but he hasn't even sent me a "Happy Valentine's Day" text.

He's working away at the moment, and I can't help but feel a little crushed. I know it's silly but I really do feel disheartened as he never really does anything to make me feel loved.

OP posts:

Giddyaunt18 · 14/02/2017 16:53

know it's silly but I really do feel disheartened as he never really does anything to make me feel loved.
If this is true, why are you with him?

skerrywind · 14/02/2017 16:54

I see Valentines as sugary, commercialised and quite vomit inducing.

Fine if you are teenager, in the throes of puppy love, but quite infantile for adults.

Adora10 · 14/02/2017 16:56

this thread is full of romantics - not lol

EvansOvalPies · 14/02/2017 16:56

Agree with TinfoilHattie ^ - DP and I have been together 30 yrs, never bought each other a card or gift. The day is an engineered over-commercialised ridiculous thing to make shit-loads of money off some people, and make other sections of society feel really sad. If you base your relationship for a whole year on one teeny, tiny day, then you most certainly do have serious problems. Love is much more than a bunch of expensive flowers and sexy lingerie, set for one day of the year. Do it next week instead, or next month, when the pressure is off.

atheistmantis · 14/02/2017 16:58

You've got a boyfriend, isn't that enough?

funnylittlefloozie · 14/02/2017 16:58

My ex-husband never did Valentines Day, EXCEPT that he would put some guff on Facebook so that all our friends could see what an amazing wonderful loving husband he was (please note heavy sarcasm). However, he treated me like a skivvy all through our marriage, swore at me, never lifted a finger around the house, cheated on me and was emotionally abusive.

My current partner is a grumpy old git who would rather chew his own foot off than say anything romantic or soppy. However, he pulls his weight around the house, brings me little presents, and makes me feel like a queen. He won't have got me anything for V-Day, but I don't care, because I know he really does give a shit about me!

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 14/02/2017 16:59

I've been with DH for 18 years this year. We have celebrated V Day once and both got food poisoning and don't bother now. Don't even get a card or gift, but then we do little things for each other all year round. We don't need a day to love each other. Is your boyfriend kind and thoughtful on other occasions? Does he make you a cup of tea when you get up, or pick you up from the station, or run you a hot bath? Do you come home from work to a new book or scarf, for example?

Giddyaunt18 · 14/02/2017 17:01

Just posted this on a similar thread.
Nothing most years but I get him nothing. Conversely we are still very much in love after 20 years and 2 kids. We buy each other things sometimes throughout the year. He's never been a flower buyer, only the odd anniversary, my 40th and once to say sorry but that's in 25yrs. I've had friends with very demonstrative husbands that have strayed or the relationship is no longer. It's not a measure of a good relationship.

user1484750550 · 14/02/2017 17:01

Been with DH 20 plus years, married 16, 3 kids. Never had a Valentine card or present. Never sent one either. Some people just don't buy into the whole tacky Valentine's thing. We must have saved a bloody fortune over the years. If you need a crappy card, scratchy red lingerie or some half dead flowers to let you know that your partner loves you, you have serious problems in your relationship.

I think that is incredibly rude and insensitive tinfoilhat. Just because you and your hubby 'don't do' Valentine's, that doesn't mean others are not entitled to feel upset at not getting a card. It's not the fact that the OP NEEDS a card, she NEEDS to know he loves her and cares about her, and not being arsed to send a card when he KNOWS she wants one shows (to me) that he doesn't care much.

Me and my hubby got each other some small gifts and he got me flowers. Spent no more than £15 in total. (Between the 2 of us.) Some people spend more than that on 2 packets of ciggies or on 3 rounds at the pub.

user1484750550 · 14/02/2017 17:03

I agree that buying gifts does not PROVE the relationship is better, and it does not mean he will never stray. However, if the OP has made it clear that she would love a Valentine's card, and her hubby can't be arsed to get one, that shows he doesn't care IMO, and there IS something wrong in the relationship, because he is not listening to her!

Giddyaunt18 · 14/02/2017 17:06

Interestingly though user she is talking as though she accepts this as she's talking about his birthday . If he's not making you happy then a serious chat is needed and if toucan't give each other what you need then it's time to move on.

skerrywind · 14/02/2017 17:08

adora- depends what you mean by romance.

I don't see romance as slipping into all those sickly cliches that we are supposed to do, giving stuffed animals or mugs or red roses with I love you written on them. or any of that sickly schmaltz.

My OH does loving acts for me every day, bring me tea in bed on a Monday morning, scraping ice from my car as well as his even though he is in a hurry to get to work. He will buy me a food item that I had tried ages ago and loved, but since forgotten all about. He will put some bath towels on the radiator for me if he hears me running a bath.
These acts go unspoken, unmentioned, but not unnoticed, and there are hundreds of them over the year, done on a daily basis.

I don't need a valentines card with a picture of a teddy bear on the front.

user1484750550 · 14/02/2017 17:09

True giddy aunt. :)

HellonHeels · 14/02/2017 17:10

You've got a boyfriend, isn't that enough?

Seriously, how low can the bar be set?! "You've got a man so it doesn't matter how he treats you, put up and shut up" ?

FFS!

Giddyaunt18 · 14/02/2017 17:12

scraping ice from my car as well as his even though he is in a hurry to get to work
My DH does this every time and it always makes me smile after 20+ years. one Valentines Day I looked out and he'd scraped my windscreen into a heart and scraped out 'those words' on it. As he is quite private that was really romantic to do that in public.Awww i've gone all slushy now!

Giddyaunt18 · 14/02/2017 17:13

I might add that was probably 7/8 years ago, nothing since lol!

GwenStaceyRocks · 14/02/2017 17:13

It's not about Valentine's Day - it's about the fact you don't feel loved every other day too. In shitty relationships, Valentine's Day, birthdays, Christmas, etc, always take on more significance because you're living in hope that they will finally step up and make some effort to show they love you.
You don't need to settle for a relationship where you don't feel loved. imo that isn't really a relationship at all.
Strangers on the internet have sent you more words about Valentine's Day than your partner has - it's maybe time to reassess where this relationship is going.
In the meantime, and and for you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/02/2017 17:13

Dh and I didn't do Valentine's Day this year for the first time ever. And it's fine. We are on holiday. I got him some new slippers and gave them before we went away and said they were an early VD present - which was a little joke. After almost 25 years together, it's fine but I wouldn't have been ok to never get anything and I wouldn't be ok to not be shown I'm loved. So what do you want to do op because a relationship should make you feel valued?

EssentialHummus · 14/02/2017 17:14

Look, for some people valentine's is a non-event - DH is spending the evening at a pottery class, I'm off to the pub with a friend. But if it matters to you, tell him that you'd like a card/whatever. If he doesn't do that, then you have reason to be upset.

TinfoilHattie · 14/02/2017 17:14

Exactly - there is something very odd about a relationship where it's all hearts, flowers and teddy bears on 14th Feb and bugger all for the rest of hte year.

Perhaps OP's partner is indeed terminally shit. Perhaps he's posting on Dadsnet bemoaning the fact that his partner is in a strop because he didn't buy a card, even though she didn't get him one. People who crave public displays on 14th Feb are pretty insecure, it's almost as if the flowers or card or whatever gift is chosen proves that the relationship is valid. Lots of us don't need any of that.

user1484750550 · 14/02/2017 17:14

I don't see romance as slipping into all those sickly cliches that we are supposed to do, giving stuffed animals or mugs or red roses with I love you written on them. or any of that sickly schmaltz. My OH does loving acts for me every day, bring me tea in bed on a Monday morning, scraping ice from my car as well as his even though he is in a hurry to get to work. He will buy me a food item that I had tried ages ago and loved, but since forgotten all about. He will put some bath towels on the radiator for me if he hears me running a bath. These acts go unspoken, unmentioned, but not unnoticed, and there are hundreds of them over the year, done on a daily basis. I don't need a valentines card with a picture of a teddy bear on the front.

Have to say skerrywind, my hubby does all this for me too....... and also buys me a lovely thoughtful gift and some flowers for Valentine's......

Just because a man spoils his wife on Valentine's day, that doesn't mean he doesn't do anything else for her!!!

I have noticed on here, and on other forums, AND in real life, people who don't do Valentine's/don't care about it (supposedly,) are very rude and sarcastic to people who DO participate. I don't see anyone who does participate in Valentine's day slating people who don't!

If people don't like it, then fine, but don't slate people who DO participate.

chickenowner · 14/02/2017 17:15

Some people just don't like Valentines Day - my DP is one of them. We don't give each other cards or presents as he really doesn't want to, but as a compromise (as I quite like Valentines!) we always do something special together.

When he gets home from work we're going to bake a chocolate cake together, and then eat it!!

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 14/02/2017 17:17

. I know it's silly but I really do feel disheartened as he never really does anything to make me feel loved

That has nothing to do with V day though, does it? That is a problem in your relationship, not of today.

user1484750550 · 14/02/2017 17:17

I am done on this thread. I am finding the bashing of anyone who participates in Valentine's day, and the assumptions that any man who buys for his wife/partner on valentine's does buggar-all else all year round, quite disturbing and weird.

I think the people who claim to have no interest in Valentine's are being verrrrry defensive.

Just saying.

RedAndYellowStripe · 14/02/2017 17:18

Well did you send him a happy valentine text? If you didn't and haven't got him anything (by default as he is away so you wouldn't have been able to give him anything), why is it that he should have done so? Is tbthat wdouble standards?

As for not giving him anything fo rhis b'day, that's called revenge and isn't a good thing in any lasting relationship. Yes u might as well go your own ways now if you are solving all your issues like this.

Come one, I appreciate you are ill and it makes it all harder. But be a grown up, talk to him, tell him a 'happy valentines' and tell him it's an important occasion for you.
Because really hints two months before aren't a good way to communicate. Now are they the right way to learn about each other important occasions.

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