Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He married me to have PR

95 replies

HannahBanana3 · 02/02/2017 23:22

I am going to make the story as short as possible...

We met for less than half a year when we find out we were pregnant. I was in that stage were you are absolutely in love and think that everything is wonderful when I find out and I believed he felt the same way. At the beginning he told me not to worry, that everything will be okay. Then he started to tell me we have ruined his life and other "bad words" I don´t want to repeat so I told him not to worry, that I could raise him on my own or that we would find a way. But then he said that he wanted us. Some times he makes me feel like he really loves me but some other times I feel like he hates me.

Because of his behavior and the fact that he did not wanted to introduce me to his family, I decided to leave to my home town abroad because I did not wanted to face all that was coming on my own, I was not feeling safe. He made me promise I would marry him, that he wanted us to be a family. I agreed because I love him and we got married before our son was born, but recently I find out that he just married me to have PR. I don´t know if he loves me or not.

He said to me that he no longer cares about me feeling safe and that he would do anything to be with our child (at the moment I still in home town and he is back to his). But I don´t know if a marriage like this (on his side, or at least that is how I feel) would be good for the baby? I don´t know if I am being selfish for wanting to feel safe or expecting to be happy when moving with him? I don´t want to make wrong decisions since its not just my life but our baby´s life as well Halo

OP posts:
Original poster
HannahBanana3 · 03/02/2017 09:35

Mostlyhet:
thank you!!! =( seems like it and makes me feel just used, as in he took advantage of my feelings and even my welcoming family to get what he wanted.

archersfan22:
since we were married before the baby was born, he is in the birth certificate, so he has PR. That´s why he got married to me, the only reason, as he said =(

OP posts:
DirtyBlonde · 03/02/2017 09:40

As OP is married to the DC's father, in England (and all other parts of UK) he has PR as the child is deemed to be a child of the marriage (and it would't matter that it was a different country's birth certificate).

In Columbia, then Columbian law applies, and I don't know if they even have the concept of PR.

The DC is a dual national - passports are simply convenient documents that confirm that and make international travel possible. The important thing is for OP to decide where she wants to make her life and then ensure that happens. So moving DC to UK might mean that UK becomes the country of habitual residency and the British father could then block a move back.

DirtyBlonde · 03/02/2017 09:42

Sorry, crossed with your last, see that he does have PR under Columbian law.

You need to see a local lawyer with experience in family law and its international aspects. And sit tight until you are happy that you understand and agree with any steps.

archersfan22 · 03/02/2017 09:42

I probably didn't explain myself very well - in the UK he could have been on the birth certificate anyway, even if you weren't married. (A man I know is on the birth certificate of his child even though he was never married to the child's mother). But maybe in Colombia you have to be married for the father to be on the birth certificate?

Either way, don't trust him - either he married you for some other reason and is now lying to you, or he did marry you just for PR which is obviously not good.

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 03/02/2017 09:43

Hola, OP.

I can tell you my husband is from one of your neighbouring countries. Our son will have passports from both countries. My British nationality or my husband's nationality are not affected.

I strongly, strongly suggest to you that you remain in Colombia. I do understand that it can be tempting for various reasons to come to the United Kingdom, but I don't think this man can be trusted. You need your support around you and your son will benefit much more from this.

Un abrazo y mucha suerte x

SolomanDaisy · 03/02/2017 09:46

I'm in the process of getting a British passport for my child who was born abroad. To get it, your husband will need: a proper international birth certificate, not just a standard local issue birth certificate; your marriage certificate; a passport acceptable photo. He will not need your signature or permission. Do you know what the Colombian process is for issuing an international birth certificate? You may be able to prevent him getting one. He's unlikely to have an acceptable photo, but that would be an easy thing to fake. Technically the counter signatory needs to know both him and the baby, he may be able to find someone to lie.

Original poster
HannahBanana3 · 03/02/2017 10:00

archersfan22: in Colombia, he did not needed to marry me to be on the birth certificate, but don´t know... maybe he didn´t trusted me or god knows. I even told him that we did not need to marry because when he first proposed it it was like "now we must marry" and i told him "no, we do things when we want them to be done. I will never stop you from being part of baby´s life." or something like that but he insisted on getting married. And now that I find out he just did for PR, I just don´t get it... I would have let him have it anyway, because the baby has a dad and always will.

NovemberDailyFairLand: I know, I truly wanted us to be a family but his behavior isn´t very nice. Gracias!

SolomanDaisy: He has all of those documents =( though I don´t know what you mean with the international birth certificate, as in legalized or what?

OP posts:
CheerfullyIndifferent · 03/02/2017 10:04

Just echoing other posters, if you decide to come the UK, do not come without a visa. You can't apply for a spouse visa once you're inside the UK, so they will make you leave and apply from your home country - your husband might be well aware of this. Also, if your marriage breaks down while you're on a spouse visa, the visa gets cancelled, so if you're going that route, have a read at the rules of getting a visa as a parent of a British child to see if it would be possible for you to continue living here if anything happens.

All that being said, if I were in your shoes, I'd be seeking legal advice regarding divorce and custody and would never allow my child to set foot outside Colombia. I've seen too many cases of one parent just taking the child and disappearing. Sad

( Disclaimer: I'm not a lawyer, just been through the visa hoops myself and read those forms and guidances multiple times. )

VintagePerfumista · 03/02/2017 10:05

I obtained my dd's British ppt with just the local-from-the-town-hall one here.

As the child is in Colombia, then the UK passport authorities will re-direct him back to the consular services there anyway, surely? Unless he is going to pretend the child is resident with him in the UK which will throw up all other kinds of stuff- GP registration, vaccine schedule, child benefit etc etc.

He might find he bites off more than he can chew if he tries for a ppt...

AdoraBell · 03/02/2017 10:09

Also, picking up on Solomon's point, anyone counter signing a passport application has to write a declaration on the back of the photo saying that is a true likeness. For that they need to meet the baby.

If he doesn't have the marriage certificate then do not allow him to take it.

Also, as tempting as the UK can look fro the outside I would strongly recommend that you stay where you have family a d ffriends for emotional support. I raised my DC in a foreign country with a supportive DH, and that was hard without my family.

user1483300717 · 03/02/2017 10:25

OP I'm sure the baby will have to be registered in the UK also before getting the passport.
A court will never take the child out of their country of habital residence so he has no chance of getting dcs legally. But be wary of him taking dc etc.seek legal advice asap.

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 03/02/2017 10:53

I agree. If, later, he decides he wants to see you and make things better, he can come to Colombia, anyway. I think this is the least he can do.

VintagePerfumista · 03/02/2017 11:35

The baby would not have to be registered in the UK, but would need to be physically present in the UK for an application to be made there. Otherwise, it goes though the consulate of the country of residence.

user1483300717 · 03/02/2017 11:40

Atenco- can you pls send the link of the woman on mn you mentioned as I was very close to being in that position.

SolomanDaisy · 03/02/2017 12:14

vintage, consulates are no longer responsible for issuing passports. Everything has to go through the overseas passport applications office in Durham. In some countries town halls can issue international birth certificates.

Hannah, basically a standard foreign birth certificate isn't enough to get the British passport. You need either an international birth certificate or to have the full birth certificate apostilised. It looks like from Colombia you would need an apostile. I don't speak Spanish so can't look up the process there, but it may be that you could prevent him getting that.

SolomanDaisy · 03/02/2017 12:16

If you were married in Colombia he would also need an apostile for your marriage certificate.

Catanddogmake6 · 03/02/2017 12:37

I agree that seeing a local lawyer with international experience is very important. I would also stay in Colombia and away from UK. Also I would look at requirements for UK passport photos. So if you do send photos they are taken from the side or with hats/ sunglasses on. It will make it much harder to doctor the photos to apply for a passport.

VintagePerfumista · 03/02/2017 12:38

Notarised, I imagine that means.

I see things have moved on since I last did mine and dd's! We had to send ours to the consulate in Rome, who sent them to the consulate in Paris as that was the one doing all ppts at the time. It was bloody inefficient as well.

SolomanDaisy · 03/02/2017 12:47

No, notarising is different. Apostille is an internationally agreed process for guaranteeing the legitimacy of documents like birth certificates and it's done by government bodies. Notarising can be done by a notary and wouldn't be sufficient.

Atenco · 03/02/2017 13:49

user, here is the link: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2839519-Feeling-stuck-just-need-to-vent?

VintagePerfumista · 03/02/2017 13:52

Ah, just googled it. Never heard of it despite it apparently having been in force since 1961!

When I worked for the Home Office we asked for notarised documents.

SolomanDaisy · 03/02/2017 13:57

I'd never heard of it either, until we had to register as residents here and had to have every document apostilled!

Atenco · 03/02/2017 13:58

Hannah
Why don't you apply for your child's British nationality? They will be the richer for it.

Also does the father send money for your child's upkeep? Here in Mexico PR can be revoked when a parent fails to fulfill their obligations, so Colombian law might have something similar.

And yes, even as the wife of a British man and the mother of British child, he would have to prove that he earns a very good wage (I can't remember how much) and you would have to apply from Colombia for permission to live in the UK, and even then I don't know what would happen if you were to separate soon after arriving. All too dicey, even if he were the love of your life.

CheerfullyIndifferent · 03/02/2017 14:15

Atenco if they separate, they have to inform the Home Office and the visa is cancelled. They have to apply for a different visa then, or leave the country. There is option of not telling, but they need to prove they're still in a relationship for visa renewals/ILR. I think the threshold for the financial requirement is £18k-ish.

Original poster
HannahBanana3 · 03/02/2017 14:56

Sorry, I went to sleep for a tiny bit, baby will wake up soon now... I´ve read everything and seems like if I go there will be no way to get back with baby. I will die without baby, so as NovemberInDailyFailL says, If, later, he decides he wants to see you and make things better, he can come to Colombia, anyway

SolomanDaisy: Is there a way he can apostille the document in UK, is it a mandatory thing that he will be asked to have to issue baby´s passport?

Atenco: how can I apply for his british nationality if I am not british?

OP posts: