Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He married me to have PR

95 replies

HannahBanana3 · 02/02/2017 23:22

I am going to make the story as short as possible...

We met for less than half a year when we find out we were pregnant. I was in that stage were you are absolutely in love and think that everything is wonderful when I find out and I believed he felt the same way. At the beginning he told me not to worry, that everything will be okay. Then he started to tell me we have ruined his life and other "bad words" I don´t want to repeat so I told him not to worry, that I could raise him on my own or that we would find a way. But then he said that he wanted us. Some times he makes me feel like he really loves me but some other times I feel like he hates me.

Because of his behavior and the fact that he did not wanted to introduce me to his family, I decided to leave to my home town abroad because I did not wanted to face all that was coming on my own, I was not feeling safe. He made me promise I would marry him, that he wanted us to be a family. I agreed because I love him and we got married before our son was born, but recently I find out that he just married me to have PR. I don´t know if he loves me or not.

He said to me that he no longer cares about me feeling safe and that he would do anything to be with our child (at the moment I still in home town and he is back to his). But I don´t know if a marriage like this (on his side, or at least that is how I feel) would be good for the baby? I don´t know if I am being selfish for wanting to feel safe or expecting to be happy when moving with him? I don´t want to make wrong decisions since its not just my life but our baby´s life as well Halo

OP posts:
Familylawsolicitor · 03/02/2017 07:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
HannahBanana3 · 03/02/2017 07:31

Quartz: thank you. Yes, now I know it does not effect having another nationality, which is sadly suspicious =(

Familylaw: okay, thank you so much for your advice =)

OP posts:
Phoebefromfriends · 03/02/2017 07:41

Maybe he was hoping that if you don't get a visa you won't be allowed entry to the UK and he can walk through immigration with the baby on a British passport. Do not travel with this man. Please seek some legal advice and break up with this guy he sounds abusive. When is he next due to visit? I think you would be in a stronger position if you divorce him. Keep strong OP

Fidelia · 03/02/2017 07:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
HannahBanana3 · 03/02/2017 07:51

Phoebefromfriends: Thank you for your advice and your Keep strong OP =)

Fidelia: Thank you! It´s sad to think that he has been lying to me =(

OP posts:
Secretsandlies12 · 03/02/2017 08:01

I think you are worrying unnecessarily.

The Passport Office in UK cannot issue a passport to without a birth certificate, proper photos, a counter signatory and your agreement. If the child has a Colombian passport they will also want that and your husband will need to confirm that the child is present in the UK. Does your husband have the docs and photos? He could perhaps forge your signature, and dupe a counter signatory, but he will not be able to convince the passport office that the child is in the UK without showing them a Colombian passport. Any attempt to lie/forge signatures etc risks a long prison sentence so he would have to be very stupid to do this.

If you think he has the birth certificate and appropriate photos (not easy for an infant!) and may be applying via the British Embassy in Colombia you need to WRITE to the British Embassy in Colombia. Calling and talking to assistants in the Consular department risks your concerns not being properly recorded. Send them the following email and follow up with a copy by registered (recorded delivery). This will force them to take action which will probably mean your husband being tagged with this info in their records. Should he then try to apply, the application will be properly scrutinised.

Dear Ambassador or Dear Mr Tibber

Re: Name and date and place of birth of your child - potential abduction risk

I am writing to formally record my concerns regarding what I believe is my British husband's intention to obtain a UK passport for our child via and to use this to remove him/her from Colombia. I do not agree to the issuing of a UK passport and I do not agree to my husband removing my child from Colombia. My husband is aware of my position, but I believe he is nevertheless making plans to remove my child without my consent.

I should be grateful if you could record my concerns with the Embassy/UK passport authorities to ensure they are aware that I do not consent to the issue of a UK passport and that any application is carefully scrutinised.

My husband's details are:

Name
Date and place of birth
UK passport number
Current address

Please let me know, within 7 days, what action you have taken.

Many thanks

maddon · 03/02/2017 08:05

YOur gut instinct is telling you that you are not safe with your baby's father. Listen to it. From the brief details you have posted, he does indeed sound like he is trying to manipulate and trick you to get what he wants.

If he was a decent person and father he would be discussing with you what is best for your baby and trying to come to a decision with you about the future.

It may be best for you and your baby to start again in Columbia and build your lives there.

Mouikey · 03/02/2017 08:10

As well as the email above (do that immediately) I would suggest looking at getting an annulment to your marriage (if you are able) or a divorce.

I was going to suggest contacting your immigration to say that he is not welcome, but I assume that they have tourist visas for U.K. Citizens. Do not offer your home to him or anything that may look as though you are 'happily' married when he visits - he may use this as a way of pursuading the courts that all is well.

Sorry you're going through this

Mouikey · 03/02/2017 08:12

Oh and please do not fall for the 'get a visa when you arrive' story. If you really want to follow this person back to the uk then sort a visa out before you come (this should be a non-negotiable). But to be honest I would strongly recommend you stay where your support network are, keep safe a build a happy life with your baby

LittleRed90 · 03/02/2017 08:13

I know this is slightly different but my DD was born in Germany. To apply for an British passport for her, we had to include her birth certificate, our birth certificates and our marriage certificate. Does he have all of these in order to make the application? I would absolutely be staying in Columbia with your family!

LittleRed90 · 03/02/2017 08:15

Not to mention (as another person has stated above) photos and both parents signatures!

TheMaddHugger · 03/02/2017 08:16

sorry, what does PR Mean ?

Phoebefromfriends · 03/02/2017 08:17

Definitely use that brilliantly worded email by secretsandlies12, you want everything formally documented. Your priority is to focus on you and your baby. It's going to be tough as this wasn't the life you envisioned but I think if you came to the UK it would be 100 times worse. You and your child deserve to be happy, no one should be scared of their partner.

Original poster
HannahBanana3 · 03/02/2017 08:24

Secretsandlies12 / Mousey :
He does have a copy of my passport, obviously lots of pictures of baby (that I send daily) and one original of baby´s birth certificate but thank you so much! And...I know you might think I am stupid but he sound so desperate to see his baby, that I thought he did not wanted me to apply because of the time process... love is blind =( at the beginning it was no negotiable from my side but then my heart melted and agreed (thank god I started to find things and I am still here)
LittleRed90:
so he needs my birth certificate as well (he does not have it, the only thing he does not have)
TheMadHugger:
PR is parental responsibility

OP posts:
Fidelia · 03/02/2017 08:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMaddHugger · 03/02/2017 08:26

Ahhh MAny Thanks

TheMaddHugger · 03/02/2017 08:27

OK reread the thread. I have no advice but many a ((((((((((Hugs))))))))

BarbarianMum · 03/02/2017 08:42

OP you need to stop with this "love" stuff before your child is taken from you.

This man does not love you. He is a liar and a cheat. Wake up and protect yourself and your child. Ring the British Embassy and tell them you don't agree to your child having a British Passport. Get some good legal advice and start divorce proceedings.

AdoraBell · 03/02/2017 08:57

Your child having a Colombian passport will not accept his nationality. That is complete rubbish and he is lying to you.

Do as already suggested, contact the British embassy and tell he is trying to take the baby and tell the Colombian courts this too.

AdoraBell · 03/02/2017 08:58

Affect, not accept. Sorry for my typo.

StickyMouse · 03/02/2017 09:22

How old is the baby? can you stay in Colombia and try not to worry for now? Has he plans to visit? or is he trying to get you to return to the UK?

If you are in contact daily what is the state of relationship currently?

You are in Colombia, your baby was born there so I am not sure of the issue unless you decide to return to the UK.

M0stlyHet · 03/02/2017 09:28

Advice from any immigration lawyers would be useful here, but from what friends have gone through trying to get residency in the UK, I think if you were to come in as a tourist then try to apply for a visa you might well find this turned out to be a fast track to deportation - immigration authorities look very dimly on people coming in under one set of rules then trying to get the rules changed once they're here.

My guess is your husband knows this and is hoping to engineer a situation where you're removed and he's left in the UK with the baby.

archersfan22 · 03/02/2017 09:30

I think you've had lots of good advice here, but I just wanted to confirm about thinking very carefully before going to the UK. I met someone recently who is stuck in the UK because she had a child with a British man, they've now split up, and she's now not allowed to leave the country for more than 4 weeks, so she can't go back and live in her home country where all her family are. Unless you want to go to the UK for your own reasons I would certainly not move for an ex who has/is treating you like this.
I know you are finding it hard to accept but I would be very suspicious of everything he says, and get proper legal advice before agreeing to anything at all. For example, if the baby had been born in the UK in the last few years, and you registered the birth together, he would have had parental responsibility regardless of whether or not you were married. (I had to look this up recently on someone's behalf). I'm not sure how it works with babies born overseas though.
Best wishes.

Original poster
HannahBanana3 · 03/02/2017 09:30

TheMadHugger: thank you =)

BarbarianMum: I know, but it´s hard to let go the normal plans you have while you are expecting a baby: giving him a loving family =(

Adorabell: I know =(

StickyMouse: baby is almost 6 months. He does not plan to visit, he wants me to return to UK with our baby. The state of the relationship is he just texts me once in a while to get pictures of the baby, sometimes he asks how I am. Now I am worried of him getting baby´s passport and trying to leave with baby and without me. Because seems like his plan all along was just with baby, not with me (or that´s what his actions and getting to know all this things make me feel like)

OP posts:
archersfan22 · 03/02/2017 09:35

PS just as an extra precaution you could always look up the rules for passport photos and make sure photos you send have baby sucking on dummy or a spoon, your hand touching baby's face etc so they wouldn't qualify as passport photos. It's actually not that easy to get a passport-quality photo of a 6 month old baby...