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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So upset

73 replies

Peaches77 · 31/01/2017 19:57

I feel sick writtting this

h told dd to call me a horrible c word tonight. We had an argument as he had went off to do his hobby straight after dinner after I was working all day and he was off. DD still went to crèche and he picked her up just before I got out of work.

I was angry at him and told him I'm fed up how he isn't a proper father he does his own thing all the time. This caused an argument knfdont of dd who is 3 and he said to her 'tell mummy she is a horrible c*'

I'm on a temp contract which ends next month no sign of any work house is in H name and he won't leave. I have nowhere to go and no money (we don't have a joint account).

He did this once before but DD was too young to understand but now she is talking. I know I should leave but he makes me feel like I deserve it. Everything is my fault all the time. I am so drained

OP posts:
BifsWif · 31/01/2017 20:00

This is not your fault. You need to leave, you don't want your daughter growing up witnessing, and being told to join in with, this abuse.

Set an example to her, please. You are worth so much more and you will be so much happier without him.

Please make steps to leave, women's aid will help.

Happybunny19 · 31/01/2017 20:48

Poor you, that's bloody awful. Do you have any family or friends you can go and stay with? Is your husband always so abusive? What's your support network like in RL?

Meeep · 31/01/2017 20:50

That is genuinely awful. What a horrible man!

Original poster
Peaches77 · 31/01/2017 20:52

No one close enough to go stay with although he has told me that if I don't get a job by the time this one is finished I have to move out if I'm not going to be able to contribute to the mortgage. I have never not worked and I have always paid my way but I am finding it difficult this time to get something.

I got DD to sleep and tried to talk to him but he just sat repeating 'fine' over and over again while watching TV

OP posts:
SaltySalt · 31/01/2017 20:53

What a nasty thing to say! And it's not your fault it's all him.

Bluntness100 · 31/01/2017 20:53

Oh god, that's awful, I can't believe someone would teach their child that, never mind teach their child to call their mum it. She will indeed repeat that and this won't be the last time he does it. You can't allow her to grow up being abused by this man, because that's what it is and he is abusing you to.

Can you speak to some women's aid or citizens advice and they can maybe advise on where you can go, how you can be rehoused and what benefits you are entitled to.

Original poster
Peaches77 · 31/01/2017 20:54

I would love to leave but I worry what he will say to DD on his time to try and turn her against me Sad

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 31/01/2017 20:55

It won't be easy but it is going to be better to leave. Ring Women's Aid and ask for advice. Many people have said on here it's better to leave even if you are still doing all the childcare yourself because you're no worse off on that score, you know where you stand instead of being let down all the time, and you don't have to deal with a horrible man day in day out.

AnyFucker · 31/01/2017 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Butterymuffin · 31/01/2017 20:56

He's saying that stuff now though. And I bet he would weasel out of a lot of contact, which while it's unfair would at least keep your DD away from his influence.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 31/01/2017 20:58

He clearly doesn't want ro be married to you anymore. And he is a cock. Talking to him isnt going to change him. You need to sort your exit plan. Can you start your job search near family? Theres nothing stopping you from moving back home.

BluePheasant · 31/01/2017 20:59

What a nasty shit he is. You need to get out of there. This will be an awful environment for you and your DD if you stay. At 3 she will be becoming much more aware of everything that is said. It will be scary and confusing for her.

Women's aid for advice would be a good place to start. He sounds awful, hope you can get free of him. Flowers

justdontevenfuckingstart · 31/01/2017 20:59

AF What?

Op Can you talk to your council about potentially being made homeless and see what your options are?

Awks · 31/01/2017 20:59

You're married? Do you rent or does he own the house?

Whatever the answer above, he's a shit and you should leave him but don't let this idiot screw you over any more. See a lawyer. He's a dick and you are taking a whole load of shit that noone should have to.

Original poster
Peaches77 · 31/01/2017 21:00

He wouldn't stop contact with her he would just get his mum (who hates me) to look after her on his days.

I'm gonna ring my mum tomorrow and see if she will be ok for us to go stay with her once my job ends unfortunately it's too far to commute daily and I really need to finish this contract

OP posts:
BluePheasant · 31/01/2017 21:01

How long left of the job Peaches? Does your mum know how badly he treats you? Now is the time to open up if not.

Original poster
Peaches77 · 31/01/2017 21:01

Yea we are married but the house is in his name I do pay half of the mortgage but he tells me that that doesn't matter (his career is in law)

OP posts:
HellonHeels · 31/01/2017 21:04

Well he's not much of a lawyer because if you're married the house is an asset belonging to both of you, regardless of whose name it's in. Get legal advice. Good luck Flowers

Original poster
Peaches77 · 31/01/2017 21:05

A month left I was hoping my contract would be extended to permanent but I was told last week it wouldn't be

I have to be honest I am not an easy person to live with. I am shouty but I have made a real effort to calm it down and I have the last five months. Part of me thinks that he knows what buttons to push with me to get my shouty side out then part of me just thinks I am this horrible person.

OP posts:
BantyCustards · 31/01/2017 21:05

I'm with AF

OP - call women's aid and tell them what is going on.

He cannot make you move out.

Do you have any savings?

inlectorecumbit · 31/01/2017 21:06

he is talking rubbish. You are married and everything is jointly owned

Sassypants82 · 31/01/2017 21:08

It does matter. He sounds absolutely disgusting. A total bully. I can't wait to read your update about leaving this pathetic abusive excuse for a human being.

Original poster
Peaches77 · 31/01/2017 21:08

I have no savings all my pay goes on bills and things for DD. He has just bought himself a £15,000 car yet I am worrying about buying DD a pair of shoes next month

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 31/01/2017 21:10

Women's aid. 0808 2000 247.
Now!!!
This guy is so abusive it's frightening.
If no sign of a contract why can't you leave now?
You've nothing to lose.
Get to your mums.
Get away from this dick.
By the way the house is half yours!!!!
It's an asset.
Nothing at all he can do about that!

AnyFucker · 31/01/2017 21:11

He is talking shot

If you are married at least half (and possibly more if you are main child carer) of any equity in the house belongs to you

What kind of "lawyer" is he ?