So upset

[Peaches77]

I feel sick writtting this

h told dd to call me a horrible c word tonight. We had an argument as he had went off to do his hobby straight after dinner after I was working all day and he was off. DD still went to crèche and he picked her up just before I got out of work.

I was angry at him and told him I'm fed up how he isn't a proper father he does his own thing all the time. This caused an argument knfdont of dd who is 3 and he said to her 'tell mummy she is a horrible c*'

I'm on a temp contract which ends next month no sign of any work house is in H name and he won't leave. I have nowhere to go and no money (we don't have a joint account).

He did this once before but DD was too young to understand but now she is talking. I know I should leave but he makes me feel like I deserve it. Everything is my fault all the time. I am so drained

How long until you go to your mums OP? Sending love

I think you're putting your dd at risk by staying another month, let alone you. Why bother when you're not getting a contract at the end of it. If it's regarding future references, you just explain you had to leave an abusive relationship. I'd get in the car and go today. You've made the decision, now do it.

Please don't stay there a minute longer. Not caring if his wife and child are cold is despicable! As is you not being able to buy shoes. Contact women's aid and also contact your health visitor, they will help you leave safely. Keep safe and look after yourself.

We got into a texting argument last night. I arrived home this evening to the tv removed the router gone and sky box gone. Another lock on the heat and he is nowhere to be found not replying to texts or answering phone.

I would really need to see out the job for money. My family aren't well off at all and my bills are sky high ATM I just want my mum

Fucking hell, what an absolute piece of shit he is. Bastard. He won't want to look after your DD alone once you've kicked him to the kerb because he's used to you doing everything whilst he buys himself nice new cars and emotionally and financially abuses his wife and child, charming.

Please before you leave this house do something to hurt him, break a Xbox or something xxx

Well, as the router and stuff has been taken from the property then you can report it stolen to Sky and cancel the direct debit on that if it comes out of your wages? Do you have a separate bank a/c? Are you due any paid holiday?

You could google how to over-ride his control of the boiler? It might be possible. Maybe even ring the utility company? Though I think I'd start packing, especially as he has keys to get in anytime. Though not tonight as he seems to have it in mind to watch a lot of tv somewhere else - hopefully.

Hi, Iurker here ( not brave enough to post), but reading hours has really moved me, you need to get out NOW and go to your parents. This abusive prick is making your life a bloody misery, I know the money is worrying you, but look if you ain't got it they can't have it end of ( not at the moment anyway) get out then try and get to a cab office they may be able to help you sort out the finance sort of thing maybe stop any interest on cards or loans. Your health and safety of you and your DD are top of the list the rest can wait a little while. Please go peaches nobody should live like this not for any amount of time XX.

hours=yours
Damm you predictive txt!

Do you need to finish the contract because you have already spent/allocated the money?
Would your boss be sympathetic, is there any room for working from home (ie your parents?)
Is there a friend you could stay with?
If you stop payments into his account/the mortgage account how quickly would he notice? Just thinking in terms of saving you some money. As he has turned off the heat and removed the wifi, skybox etc.

I need the money to pay my bills this month god knows how I'll afford next month and I don't want to get bad credit because of him when he has messed up my life enough.

I have played a few games with DD gave her a body wash and got her bed. Have had a string of messages from him how I am abusive towards him have a book I've been wanting to read so will get into bed to do that. I doubt he'll be home he thinks he has the upper hand tonight

Next month you'll have left (if you go to your mother's) so you can cancel future bills? In any case, given his shenanigans with the boiler, it would be a good idea to get some RL advice as this situation can only get worse the longer you're in it.

I've read recently on MSE that there is a way of circumventing that heating app thingy..... off to see if I can find it.

So he's left you without heat and hot water with a child in the house, and he's taken the wifi router, TV and the Sky box...... sweetheart, he's pushing you to see how far he can go, and what next? Removing all the food and turning the electric off? You have to put your DD first and get the feck out of there now. Take photos of what he's removed, and of the heating control then get in the car and go. He has to pay you maintenance, so deal with the money when you have to. No amount of wages is equal to your personal safety, I promise you.

Switch the wifi router off apparently. Or find the thermostat and adjust it.
Thread is here:
forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5576940&highlight=heating+app

The most useful info is on page two of the thread.

Oh, sorry, didn't see that he'd taken the router. What a treasure he is....

If the router is gone how can he control the boiler?

Can you call the heating company's out of hours number?

He's put a pin code on it so I can't turn it on without putting the pin in. Underneath the temp there is a lock symbol?

Before starting this thread I was convinced his behaviour wasn't that bad but this happens every few months for around two weeks then he's back to being nice. I know I haven't been fully innocent in the break down of our marriage but I seen a quote tonight about raising children to take accountability for their actions or they will go through life thinking nothing is their fault. This is exactly how he was raised if I told his family about him taking this stuff they wouldn't blink an eye lid at it. I always used his crappy parenting from his mum and dad as an excuse but he is a grown man. He will never change for me and I don't love him anymore. I love the idea of having a family but not him iyswim. Anyway less thanthree weeks to go...I'm going to a friends this weekend as her OH is away. He isn't physically violent it's not in him to be so I am not concerned for my safety that way.

Thanks for all the concern

Just as a matter of interest - is there a reset button on the boiler or thermostat? There must be a way to over-ride the pin number. You could also try obvious codes like 0000 or 1234. Sorry, must be my rebellious nature ...

Hope you're ok this morning Peaches.

He may not have been violent yet but there is a very very good chance he will become violent once he sees he's losing control.

Please be careful