Don't know what to think

[peggysmith]

My DH works in an office environment and has done for about a year now. A few months ago he started mentioning a girls name all the time but I just thought he was trying to wind me up.

At christmas they all went out for a christmas do and after that he started to panick every time the phone rang, would smuggle his mobile into the toilet with him and started putting passwords on the PC etc so I started to get a bit paranoid.

Last night I went to bed early as I wasn't feeling too well, I suffer from insomnia so wasn't expecting to sleep, just rest.

After an hour or so DH crept upstairs, came in the bedroom and stood looking at me, I had my eyes closed and pretended I was asleep (incase he wanted sex! ) he then began to whisper my name as if he was making sure I was sleeping, I didn't respond.

After that he crept back downstairs and after a few minutes I heard him talking on the landline phone, I couldn't really work out what he was saying but he was blatently talking quieter than normal and laughing a lot.

I let it go but curiosity got the better of me and once he'd come to bed and gone to sleep I got up and looked through his phone and there were loads of texts from the same girl (a different name to the one he'd been mentioning though). Nothing sexy or 'raunchy' but alot of pisstaking such as a message from her saying "why what size is she? lol" and a reply from him saying "not sure i should say, bigger than u anyway!". Another one from him saying "she whinges about everything anyway so I probably wouldnt notice!" and a reply from her saying "lol bless her ;)".

Do I confont him? am I being paranoid?

mmmm do not want to freak you out but this does sound a bit suspicious and I would be furious if this was my DH!

I would ask him what is going on and if there is anything you should know about.

Why did you not answer him when he came in the room as a matter of interest? I know you said you wanted to avoid sex but was that it?

What is your relationship usually like?

Well he is obviously keeping something from you which is unfair. How do you think he would feel if you were having even a platonic relationship with another man?
I would confront him.

You need to ask him.
It doesn't need to be a confrontation - just tell him what you know and ask why he is doing it.

Both my dh and I have platonic relationships with friends of the opposite sex. We have been to concerts/played sport etc with friends' husbands/wives. This sounds very different to me - especially if he is putting you down by making adverse comments about you.
You need to confront him - try not to get too angry, though. It may not have developed into a physical relationship yet. It sounds as though things aren't 100% rosy in your relationship, so if you want to move forward it is essential to start talking through your issues.

Although I suppose that is a confrontation.
So.
Yes, you need to confront him.
I just meant that it can be a rational discussion rather than an argument.

Yes - it will be hard not to get angry but it's important that you stay calm.

You are not being paranoid.

If all this didn't make you suspicious I would accuse you of being very naive.

There is nothing innocent about is behavior and you need to speak to him about what's going on

youneed to be direct otherwise it will go on and on and you'll preoccupy yourself with it.
thus wrecking your head and not his

you are not being paranoid.

how long have you been together and what were thing like before he started mentioning this woman?

my personal opinion is that you have every right to look through his phone as he is giving you plenty of reason to be supicious.do you know for sure the texts were about you,though,that they weren't slagging off another collegue?

it sound like you have been suspicious for a while,if you pretended to be asleep.

my dh just came in while I was reading this message and said (without me saying anything) "sounds like he's playing away to me".

if he's password protecting the computer/his phone, then he is doing so for a reason.

Can you forward the texts from his phone to yours so you have them to confront him with?

this is more than a platonic friendship, I would say it is at best an extremely flertatious friendship which is on the verge of developing into something more, or at worst, a full-blown affair.

You need to confront him, you need to let him know that you know this girl's name, her phone number, and what has been being said between them in texts.

Gather your evidence, but keep it to yourself for now, just ask him about the woman and give him the chance to come clean first before you confront him with everything you know.

He's actually not being terribly discreet, is he? If he wants to have an affair he should be a bit more clever about it - buy a separate phone etc. It almost sounds as though he doesn't mind if you find out.

You need to confront him - it does sound suspicious, but even if he is not having an affair, he's showing you very little repect if you are the subject of the texts.