Dh doesn't want to get a phone

[MothersRuinart]

My issue is that dh doesn't want to get a mobile phone as he doesn't like the idea of being contactable at all times. He used to have one for many years when we were younger. Then he had one sporadically until his phone broke and for the past couple of years he's refused to get a new one. All the old ones are broken. I've offered to get him one and he's inherited my old smartphone which he uses only as an alarm clock. I would prefer him to have a phone, for emergencies with ds or just for general stuff like if we're out of nappies I could ask him to get some on his way etc. I've told him this, offered to buy one, pay for it or have payg sim. I've told him that he doesn't need to give his number to anyone else,but it would make our / my life easier knowing we would be easily reached when needed. What, if anything, can I do to change his mind? Anyone else been in a similar situation? Fwiw, he had couple of bad experiences of work contacting him all the time on his days off and holidays but that was some years ago now. His current work place would probably end up doing the same but he wouldn't need to give his number to them at all.

get him a mobile from the children on his birthday.

Of course he doesn't want one; it suits him just fine for you not to be able to contact him.

Would having a phone make his life easier though, or just yours? It doesn't sound like he wants you to be able to contact him.

He doesn't want you to ask him to do stuff? Or does he not want you phoning asking where he is and why he's late home? Or he has a phone already but you don't know about it?!

Some people just don't want a phone, there doesn't have to be any sinister reason as to why not.

I think you should make up a few fake "real scenarios" where getting hold od him would have benefited him. Also make yourself unavailable by not taking your fone anywhere with you . Let him know how annoying it is when your not contactable.

I'd respect his wishes

Send him out for stuff from the shop every night with the line well if you had a phone I could have told you to get it on the way home or simular things to this???

Send him out for stuff from the shop every night with the line well if you had a phone I could have told you to get it on the way home or simular things to this???

He is her Husband not slave!

I have only just got a phone in the last 6 months, before then I had no mobile for about 2 years.

No mobile here, it's never been a problem.

Thank you all for your replies. Aquietmind, can I ask what persuaded you to get a phone again?

He doesn't want one leave him alone.

What did we do in the days before mobiles?

So he never, ever has to contact you when you're apart from each other? How extraordinary.

Tbh, I don't think there is any particular sinister reason to why he doesn't want to have a phone but I feel strongly that it would make our lives easier. There have been situations which could have been avoided with a simple text message or phone call. Just little things like not running out of nappies or where to pick up forgotten keys etc. His whole family are like that, none of them have mobile phones and a portion of our holidays with them is always spent arguing about things which could have been solved by a phone call.

I think that's totally selfish in this day and age. Yeah plenty of people will say 'what did people do before mobile phones then?' and I know a few people who have this 'I'm so free and easy I refuse to be shackled by technology' attitude, but I think it's bloody frustrating!

In this day in age, when you have a family, there is no excuse not to be contactable. Particularly, when your partner is asking you to get one to make life easier. He knows he doesn't have to give that number to anyone else. He just doesn't want to run the risk you might start asking him to do things that would help - why else wouldn't he get one?

What if he was out and you or your DC had an accident? I bet 20 years ago, people missed all sorts of things like this.

I got knocked over by a car when I was a kid and the neighbours who were looking after me were frantically calling all the shops on the town centre to try and get the message to her that I was in an ambulance being taken to hospital.

I've had two incidents in the last few years where I've been thankful for mobiles.

The first, I was driving back home with DD and she started throwing up in the car. I couldn't keep driving cos she was puking and had already puked on the spare change of clothes I had. I couldn't get hold of my then H to help, luckily a friend picked up her phone.

Not so long ago, DD's dad forgot to pick her up from nursery. I was working on a site and the nursery were able to contact me on my mobile.

Mobiles help people out of far worse situations then those. There's no excuse for it.

Ganerchick, that's actually what he says as well. (About the old days, not about leaving him alone.)

*by her, I mean my mum, I missed out the bit she'd gone shopping

I get where he's coming from. I went without having a mobile for a while, it was very liberating. And people turned up on time if I was meeting them. I did have a work mobile for some of that time, which stayed off outwith work hours.

You do seem aware of the benefits for you rather than the benefits for him of a phone.

Usually best to respect the wishes of people you love and respect, rather than manipulate them.

If it's about emergencies, do they still make/sell pagers?

It's true that I feel strongly about this and I guess he does too. I just don't understand why he wouldn't want to simplify his life and avoid unnecessary hassle? But I guess in his mind that's what he is already doing. It's also that we're in a situation where we don't have much help at all so if I can't reach dh,there is nobody else I could ask for help either so that adds to my desire for him to be contactable. I won't force him but wish we could find a compromise.

Just a thought on compromises/baby steps...

Set times he calls you from work/when out e.g. At lunchtime or when he's about to leave to come home

He gets a mobile but only gives you the number /only switches it on at certain times/you get a set number of contacts a day in it (with genuine emergencies as extras- e.g. Dc running a fever is an emergency, please pick up milk isn't).

Is he not at least second contact for the school/nursery etc? I am first contact for my children as i work from home a lot but dh has to be second contact, i'd find it really uncomfortable to have to nominate a friend or neighbour because the child's father just doesn't want to be called in an emergency.

In first option I meant from work phone or pay phone!

My dad is in his sixties and refuses to get a mobile phone. I do think it's very selfish as when anyone wants to contact him (outside of his home), we have to jump through all sorts of hoops.
Having a mobile is so normal these days that not having one is a real inconvenience to friends and family.

Get a spare, very simple, no frills PAYG. You can get tiny ones and he could keep it on silent - so if he doesn't give his number out nobody would know to contact him except you. Ask him to carry it as a trial. If he doesn't like it, he can give it up. Make sure you don't burden him with little errands, which will just annoy him and if he's looking for a reason not to have one in his head that is it.

also what about if you or he has an accident? i recently was caught up in an incident where a runner had a heart attack and while another two passersby did cpr myself and one other called the ambulance and called his emergency contact from his phone (turned out to be his wife). It's morbid to consider but it happens.