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Original poster

Dh doesn't want to get a phone

77 replies

MothersRuinart · 24/01/2017 15:29

My issue is that dh doesn't want to get a mobile phone as he doesn't like the idea of being contactable at all times. He used to have one for many years when we were younger. Then he had one sporadically until his phone broke and for the past couple of years he's refused to get a new one. All the old ones are broken. I've offered to get him one and he's inherited my old smartphone which he uses only as an alarm clock. I would prefer him to have a phone, for emergencies with ds or just for general stuff like if we're out of nappies I could ask him to get some on his way etc. I've told him this, offered to buy one, pay for it or have payg sim. I've told him that he doesn't need to give his number to anyone else,but it would make our / my life easier knowing we would be easily reached when needed. What, if anything, can I do to change his mind? Anyone else been in a similar situation? Fwiw, he had couple of bad experiences of work contacting him all the time on his days off and holidays but that was some years ago now. His current work place would probably end up doing the same but he wouldn't need to give his number to them at all.

OP posts:

TheoriginalLEM · 25/01/2017 07:40

has anyone suggested you LTB yet?

I don't think our lives are altogether better for all of this tech.

yes im writing this on my phone

KateDaniels2 · 25/01/2017 07:46

Can you contact him at work?

Can he be contacted at home?

If so i dont see the issue

SleepingTiger · 25/01/2017 10:10

The days before mobile phones were horrific. Lost count of the number of times I had to go back and forth to get nappies, sugar and butter. Life as hell.

Proudmummytodc2 · 25/01/2017 11:10

My DP has just got a phone on Friday and that's the first in about 2 years but he has his own phone at work which I can contact him on and I also pick him up from work but he didn't see the point in having a phone as it's only me who contacts him anyway.

SandyY2K · 25/01/2017 12:48

I presume his job is purely office based and there is no situation where his employer or clients need to contact him?

Or that he isn't fearful of breaking down on the motorway or in a remote location where he'd be stuck.

I recently broke down on the motorway and I dread to think how long I'd have been stuck there if I didn't have a mobile.

GobblersKnob · 25/01/2017 12:55

Amazing that his is an issue, even more amazing that people are suspicious of his motives.

I have only had a mobile phone for the last three years (am 40), it has recently broken, I am loathe to replace it, life is so much better without.

Lorelei76 · 25/01/2017 13:16

Omg OP I feel your pain
I posted about a friend without a mobile - how the fuck does anyone run a London social life without one? Tonight I'm going to tell her I'm not going on holiday with her again unless she gets one. I now refuse to meet her at stations etc but last time I waited 1.5 hours in a hotel because she was late and couldn't let me know.

Why anyone wants to parent without a phone I'll never know. I think it's doable if you're always home or in the office but if you're on the go a lot....argh.

Original poster

MothersRuinart · 25/01/2017 13:24

Thank you all for your replies. I think perhaps a pager or a similar device might be a good compromise. That way he might feel like he has control over who can contact him and when.

Like I said earlier, I don't think there's any sinister reason as to why he doesn't want a phone and I guess it would mainly just make my life easier if he had one. I think he's just one of those people who prefers to have face to face conversations and not be contactable 24/7. He does have a phone in his workplace but it's a small place with very few staff and they only have one phone which is used by everyone. But dh is within walking distance of everything: home/work/DS's preschool/shops/pubs etc. He doesn't drive so he rarely leaves our little village. So when I try to think about it from his point of view, I can kind of understand that he wouldn't see any urgent need for a mobile. But I will suggest a pager or something similar, he may be willing to give that a go.

OP posts:

Lorelei76 · 25/01/2017 13:48

If he carries a pager he has to find a phone to call from though?

SleepingTiger · 25/01/2017 18:02

Not if he carries a phone as well. Then OP could page him to call her on his mobile. That would work!

scottishdiem · 25/01/2017 18:21

I recently broke down on the motorway and I dread to think how long I'd have been stuck there if I didn't have a mobile.

However long it took you to walk to the next phone which are spaced at one mile apart on UK motorways? The phones are good because they have their exact location on them so the police/Highways agency know where you are and all the major road recovery people know exactly where you are to find you quicker.

To the OP - I think a pager is the way to go. It may be that he starts to see the value in being able to respond directly or ask questions.

Lorelei76 · 25/01/2017 20:25

Sleeping if he doesn't want to carry one item then I can't see he'd want to carry two.

Fanciedachange17 · 25/01/2017 21:03

I can see where he is coming from. Why would he want to be pestered about trivia and nappies? Get yourself organised so you don't run out. You must have an idea of how many you need per week surely?
I do have a £9 phone that is mostly used as an alarm clock and a means of secure texts from banks and HRMC. It stays in the car during the day and next to the bed at night. I rarely give the number out.
I feel sad when I watch children and adults glued to their phones, addicted to You Tube and Memes. Missing so much. Old Fogie alert

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 25/01/2017 21:56

My dh doesnt carry one either.
He is hard to reach at his office phone as he is often in meetings (when he wouldn't want to be disturbed anyway). He has a phone for the car in case of break down or to be available during the commute...not the car's phone because it seemed redundant for the extra fee.

But, no, he wont carry a phone in his pocket. Work gave him a phone and he leaves that behind more often than not (even forgot the password!).

I was very frustrated a number of times. I have concluded that any circumstance that develops that I have to deal with without his input is my executive decision and I won't feel bad if he gets left out or doesn't like the outcome, iyswim. That's the consequence of him not carrying a phone. But no, I don't feel like I can make him carry one. (Took me donkeys years to carry one myself )

Lorelei76 · 25/01/2017 22:30

This is interesting that people are relaxed about their partners not having one
I dated someone without one about fifteen years ago and it was a pain.

Seeingadistance · 25/01/2017 23:29

My now ex husband and I got mobile phones about 15 years ago when I was about 30 weeks pregnant. I had gone to A&E at the nearest hospital because I had bleeding, and was sent from there to the maternity hospital. I'd left a note for my husband to say that I'd gone to the local hospital and why, so when he came back from work he went there in a panic. Eventually, he found out that I'd gone to the maternity hospital, so went there - on public transport. By the time he got to the maternity hospital, I'd waited for ages, been seen, and was about to head home. By that time he was really upset and panicky after about 3 hours of travelling by bus and taxi from hospital to hospital. The next day - got mobile phones.

We've been apart for 10 years now, but share parenting, and we still need to contact each other, sometimes at short notice, about our son, e.g., if delayed and won't be able to pick him up or he's not got keys so can't get into house.

BrieAndChilli · 25/01/2017 23:40

Years ago people got by without mobile phones as there were phone boxes everywhere.
If you are out now and needed to contact someone e.g. Car broke down you would have to walk for a very long time to get to a phone. Most villages no longer have a phone round here.

MyNameIsThis17 · 25/01/2017 23:48

I know a few people who do not have mobile phones, guess what life still continues as normal !

There are also places where there are no mobile phone signals

Mobile phones also run out of batteries just when you dont want them to

Only give your number to your family and friends

S1lentAllTheseYears · 26/01/2017 00:33

Mobiles are one of those things that you manage perfectly fine without until you get one and then realise how useful they are!

I only started using mine beyond keeping it in the car for emergencies about five years ago and only upgraded to a smartphone six months ago.

DH still only has the emergency one in the car though and, while I do get where he's coming from it is a real pita at times. Like today I needed to check something with him and had to leave a message on the landline answerphone (he was on a day off but was out and about so I didn't know when he would get it) and then wait till I was on a break to check and listen to his reply via voicemail. I know in the great scheme of things it barely registers but texts/messenger (if he had it, haha!) would have been soooo much better!

I have a similar attitude to AndTheBandPlayedOn and think, if he misses on on stuff, it's his hard luck as I am not faffing any more than I have to.

Lorelei76 · 26/01/2017 00:38

In terms of people managing, life continues as normal etc
I live about 20 miles away from my olds

All three times mum was blue lighted to hospital, dad called from ambulance, then was able to text me so I knew where to find them when I got there etc. If he and I both didn't have mobiles how would that work?

I just think stuff like that makes life so much less stressful

Also for calling minicabs when out late, checking your route home - I have three ways to get home from work so it's good to know if one particular line is down

I guess as with the op hubby if you live, work, socialise in the same small village it doesn't matter so much.

Lorelei76 · 26/01/2017 00:41

There's also tons of things we managed without years ago
I don't think op DH should be harangued into it but it would piss me off.

Araminta99 · 26/01/2017 02:23

Get him a phone and only give the number out to your family, no one at work. My mum did this with my dad, if anyone asked him for his phone number he said his mobile was only for family and gave them his home phone number.

His phone only rang if one of us were calling him so he knew it was important to answer. He didn't get many calls, it was only for important calls but my mum was glad he had it on him at all times.

Rockpebblestone · 26/01/2017 07:32

If you get him a basic PAYG check minimum usage. It usually not very much, something like a call/ text every 6 months.

Oh and the nappies, if you haven't thought of it, have a few reuse-able nappies for emergencies.

SuburbanRhonda · 26/01/2017 09:48

One wonders how those with sensory impairments and don't use mobiles cope with people believing that they had managed absolve themselves of doing their bit to parent their own children....

Interesting thought, though completely irrelevant on this thread as the OP hasn't said that her DH has a sensory impairment

scottishdiem · 26/01/2017 10:03

Not really. You said that he was absolving responsibility by not having a phone. I was then wondering how this applies to people who cannot use phones. If a mobile phone is key to responsible parenting then surely those who can't are irresponsible parents, by your definition?

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