Report to police?

[meerkatsdotcom]

Can you report this to police, repeated poking?

You sit down, they poke you with their first finger, hard, in the side, keep doing it even though you say not to?

I guess not it doesnt. Sound that bad now I've written it down. But it hurts.

Start doing it back to him! See how much he likes being poked in the side all the time.

The thing is that if you live with someone who lives and breathes by double-meanings, you do feel as though you're going mad.

In your case, people see his arms around you and see that as affection, where only you and he know it's anything but the case.

I know this might seem trivial to someone who's not experienced it, but this behaviour messes completely with your mind.

This sounds absolutely awful. You must be worn to a frazzle with it.
I think you need to keep records of what he does, run it past people on here to see if it sounds reasonable. Gather evidence together and see what you want to do about it.

And I think you need to get away. He's not nice.

I wouldn't start doing it back to him.

Can you make a plan to leave? Do you have children?

I do feel half the time like I'm the wrong one, and that I have something wrong with me

He's an abusive fucker.

Can you leave?

You need to make plans to leave as soon as possible in a safe manner.

Please get some help and advice re getting out of there.

There are two things going on here. One is that your nerves are shredded because of what's going on, and the second is that this is happening because of someone who is supposed to love you.

Getting your head around the fact that the person who's supposed to love and support and cherish you is actually deliberately trying to make you lose your mind is very hard. I was lucky as the person involved was a sibling and there was no expectation of love or anything like that. You're in a much worse position as this man is undermining your sanity when he's supposed to be there for you. And to make it worse, he's pretending to be affectionate in public, so that if you complained to anyone they'd tell you not to be daft, that it's clear he loves you.

Don't do it back to him. Call women's aid and they will help you to make sense of things.

I am like a deer in headlights with leaving I want to but I am paralysed with it all. Once I would have said I stayed because I loved him. I must still because my heart actually hurts at the thought of getting him in trouble but I hate him, despise him, now too.

You don't have to get him into trouble. You just need to remove yourself from him.

I think it would be a really good thing if you called Women's Aid, or wrote them an email explaining things.

Read rose madder by Stephen king she thought she was going to be poked to death by a number 2 pencil

He sounds an arse

I guarantee you he is spoiling for an argument so he can storm out.

Bloody hell op this sounds like torture, mental and physical.

I hope it helps you if I say I don't think you are overreacting to feel as you do. It sounds like a perfectly normal reaction to done totally shit behaviour.

Do you think you could start putting done plans in place to leave him? What's your financial / housing / children situation

You need a bit of help with an exit strategy. People talk about the freedom programme. Women's aid will help too. He's trained you up to think you are wrong and he is right.

Trained me very effectively I'm afraid, anyway, I'm glad no one thinks it's stupid. What I need is something I can present to someone higher up the food chain to say look, this is what he's doing, it's awful, p,ease take him away. Then my heart breaks and I don't.

start that list.

start planning an exit strategy

and: IT IS NOT YOU.

he is being quietly abusive. conniving, insidious, bastard.

Do you think his heart breaks every time he pokes/tortures you, OP? Stop wasting your kind heart on this pice of shite. It's only going to get worse. You didn't want to leave so he poked you, knowing how uncomfortable and painful it is. He's a nasty bastard.

OP, we need to know something of your situation to help you, really. When people split up normally, they don't need to present evidence to anyone else, they just say they don't want to spend any more time together and that's it.

I assume this man won't leave the family house. I think that would be a given. I'm assuming you have children, which is making you fearful of leaving as he would try to keep them there.

If you don't want to post details on a forum like this, please write to Women's Aid. Here is their website - on it there are phone numbers, too. There's also a Survivors' Forum which you might find useful, so you can visualise a life away from him.

I'm so sorry, it's just I've already taken people's time and kindness.

Oh, meerkat, I was all set to give you a joking 'that's a hanging offence' reply, but your OP made me realise it was far worse than your title suggested.
Great suggestions above.
Hope you find the courage to move on. Stay safe.

Do you have bruises from the poking? Is there anything your GP could make a record of, or that could be photographed? Even keeping a secret record of each incident might help. In the meantime, is there a friend or family member you can confide in? Is your local police station likely to have a domestic violence person who you could speak to, to get advice?
Sorry about so many questions! I don't want to go steaming in and bossing you around after you're already suffering from being controlled/abused.