Please help me be strong

[bluuue]

I've had to name change because the details will be identifying!
Been with my partner nearly 11 years and have 2 young children together. He suffers with mental health issues and has walked in and out of our lives many times over the past two years while he attempts to sort his life out. I have always forgiven him and let him come home I'm probably a bit of an enabler! Anyway just recently I've seen the warning signs coming again, the silent treatment, can't stand to be in the house really agitated and irritable so I confronted him! We had a blazing row and I said some things I regret such as he's ruined my life with what he's put me through over past couple of years! I didn't mean it, I was just angry of course I don't think that, we've had 2 lovely children together and I honestly genuinely love him.
The next day he moved out a few days on brings us to this morning he has ended our relationship over text message says he can never forgive and forget some of the things that have been said and we are completely done and even though he knows that he is going to regret this that he knows he is doing the right thing!
I guess I just want someone to hold my hand and let me know I'm going to be ok! I'm pretty broken right now! I don't have any friends and moved to a new area about 6 months ago and don't know anyone except my parents. I don't know where to turn or what to do! I'm just so sad!

You are right adora10 I think the way forward is gonna have to be no contact as hard as I will find it! Will have to stay in touch for the kids but stop myself from responding to anything else!!!

Yes, you will feel more in control too OP, good luck, it may all come good in the end.

Not doing so good today!! Feel like I'm on a rollercoaster at the moment one minute I can feel really strong and thinking about what I'm going to do next for me and the kids the next I'm in tears wishing I could just wake up from this nightmare!!
I'm hoping it gets easier when he goes this weekend because at the moment I am just waiting around dreading it wishing we could just work this whole mess out!!!

Try your best to just let him go and get on with whatever self indulgent bullshit he needs to. Once he's gone you can start building yourself back up so you never let him do this to you ever again. I'm not surprised you feel awful, like living in limbo but I swear you will be perfectly fine and you can do this!
Break this cycle of abuse that he has trapped you in once and for all. Be brave x

Well he went on Saturday and surprisingly I feel ok about it!! Haven't heard anything except a quick text this morning to see how the kids are!! Still feel sad about the situation but I am determined to focus on making mine and the kids lives better!!
I've had a spring clean, moved furniture around, turned my bedroom into my own girly room and this morning I'm painting all the radiators! Anything to keep me busy and away from the phone so I'm not tempted to get in touch!!!

Hi Bluuue, you're sounding more positive today. In some ways it will be a relief from the nervousness that you had, but you're obviously going to feel sad and up and down about it too, for some time. I hope that you and the kids can have some fun times to pick yourselves up.How are they doing?

Happy radiator painting. I've got two that need doing, I've been putting it off for a good year or more!

Thanks honeyroar
It's been a tougher day than I expected! I felt ok until he text and said he would call the kids later and hopes they are ok etc and it just felt like a kick to the stomach because I wish that he was bothered if I'm ok or missed me!! It's hard when you love someone who clearly doesn't love you! I just hope it gets easier in time!!!

Had another hard day and been really tearful!! I feel so lonely! Have no friends and no distractions so tomorrow I am forcing myself to go to toddler group! I have also booked some driving lessons and posted an ad looking for friends on my local netmums page! Having a glass of wine tonight to try knock myself out! I'm not sleeping and I really don't think that's helping me!!

Hi, sorry for the slow reply, had no internet. I hope that you slept and are feeling better. You're doing great, even though it might not feel like it. I hope that you went to nursery and managed to interact with some people. I think it's great that you're going to learn to drive.

Thanks honeyroar
It's nice to know someone is still here, I keep coming back to this thread when I am feeling weak!
I slept better thank you and I dragged myself along to baby group, I tried to speak to a few of the mums but was just ignored but my toddler enjoyed himself and it got me out of the house so that's the main thing! Trying my best to focus on the positives and have decided to book my theory test because I've been doing the practise ones and passed them so it's another kick up the bum to get on with everything!!
Hope you are well!

What a load of misery guts at the baby group! I can't believe nobody spoke. Could you chat to the organisers? Tell them you don't know anyone. Also, the more you go, the more familiar you will be to everyone.

A couple of them at least smiled before they ignored me but one just looked at me like I was an alien and turned her back on me!! It's really put me off but I will persevere!!
The 2 ladies running it were really busy unfortunately!!
Going to try the local soft play as well!
My eldest got really upset last asking loads of questions saying how much they love their daddy and they want him home and asking when they can see him! It was awful it breaks my heart and I don't want to make them any promises I can't keep!! Just going to try give them a really fun filled weekend and make them smile!!!!