I think I'm about to get dumped...help me maintain my dignity please.

[Gertrudeisgerman]

I had a thread last week or week before about my DP of a year back tracking about moving in. Had some good advice from here, thank you to all who posted I didn't bring it up until Sunday and he basically turned round and said he 'doesn't want the pressure'. Various other stuff has led me to the conclusion I'm about to get dumped (only spent 2 nights together in last 2 weeks, he needs time alone, a lot less frequent messages, not really giving a shit that me and the kids have had norovirus, saying my dc's are stressful etc).

So, how can I maintain my dignity when the inevitable happens? I have very low self esteem (I had a rough childhood and marriage) so I know this will knock me but I'm 37 with a responsible job and dcs who are losing a grandmother (ex MIL is in her final hours) so I REALLY need to keep my shit together.

Anyone got any experience of managing a break up so it doesn't turn into a shit storm? I'm trying to prepare a dignified message in reply as I have a feeling he will do it via text message. So far I've got 'Fuck you then, you 41 year old lazy man child. You need to think about why you still have your ex as your 'best friend' and have never managed to stick to anything.' But that isn't really hitting the dignified mark

I was fine and feeling strong but just heard ex MIL has died this evening and exH wants me to tell the DC . Norovirus, a relationship breakdown and upset DC's. What a brilliant week.

Its a shit week but shit weeks happen to us all. If it makes you feel better, my ex dumped me the day after my mum died, my dog died the same week. I'm now happily coupled up with someone else.

If its not making you happy, get rid x

I'm really sorry, that is shit, very shit.

You need to focus on your DC now obviously.

But by the by, don't think of it as a relationship breakdown, certain events have happened this week that have tested your relationship, given you clarity and actually help you realise things about your relationship.

And you can shelve it all now and come back to it when you are able to and not before.

I hope you're ok

So very sorry to hear that OP. Thinking of you.

I'm sorry to hear about the children's Nana/Granny 💐

How exactly does he say ' 'I just need space & to be alone' then 'I don't need time apart to know I love you.'

He is playing you. Letting you go, reeling you in, letting you go, reeling you in...

Relationships are supposed to enhance your life. Look at how you were a year ago. Has this year with him enhanced your life, are you happier now than a year ago? NO You are NOT.

Get rid. Spend a bit more time just you & the kids, then when you are ready, find a lovely bloke who loves you & your kids. 💐

I think since he asked for space you should just give him space. There is nothing wrong with him asking for space and taking time alone.

Ds2 is devastated, he's only 9 but his Nanna looked after him a lot DS1 is 13 so hasn't said much. DD is asleep but she's only 5 so probably won't understand. I'm gutted for them.

Annie & Broody - you make so much sense. I have learnt a lot this past 3 weeks and Me and my dc's will be fine. We are a hardy resilient unit. But thank you all so much for listening to me offload

No you are right lifechanging he has the right to space and time alone.

Gertrude sorry for the loss of your ex MIL. You've been dealt a shitty hand lately.

Here's my two cents. The people who you fear will mutter about you failing will say that shit anyway, regardless of how it ends, because, well they're arseholes.

END IT. He doesn't deserve you. He doesn't deserve your kids. All you need to say when people ask what happened is that he wasn't prepared to commit to you. His Mother still has pics of his ex on her wall?? What kind of fucked up relationship is that. You should never have to play second fiddle to another woman. And your kids are not 'stressful' they're part of the package. Real friends and family will understand your reasons and support you.

Have the strength to be the one who ends it. You can do much better. Lots of love.