How do you define a 'friend' (as opposed to acquaintance, say)

[Aloha]

Interested in this because of threads on MN and because I interviewed a psychologist recently who said you couldn't say someone was a friend unless you'd known them for several years, which took me aback a bit.
What in your view makes someone a friend?

The thing I love about MN, is that you can make friends that seem to have no judegments, can be honest with no fear of being cast out, and get responses and support whenever you need it.

I personally have had more support from MN over the last few weeks and had more profound advice and love than I have in the last few months with pretty much all my 'friends'. I have re-evaluated my ideas of friendships, as posted below.

Thanks to all my mumsnet chums!

Hunker, I did a papoose across London with a 6 month old and it nearly killed me. Think you need a long hot soak in the bath Missus. Glass of wine, chocolate???

Thanks, TC, usually I would, definitely - but we have a mortgage appointment in the morning and then I have an appointment with some co-dydramol, a hot water bottle and my bed in the afternoon

Another time then sweet, good luck re the house news, night xxx

Thank you - yes, definitely another time. Night night x x x

awww hunker...i blardy love you. You are lovely. xxxxxxx

Like TC says, I have lots of people I like a lot and a much smaller number I love dearly. Someone once told me that great friends go on the fingers because you can only have so many great friends over a lifetime- so you can count them on the fingers of your hands. But don't tell your fingers friends (which sounds obscene somehow) this, especially if you get a teenage drunken feeling of love for all the world... because if they are insecure bananheads they will for ever after ask you if they're still on the fingers (Katy- if you ever read this I PROMISE you are still on the fingers and always, always will be.) A couple of other people who might read this thread are on the fingers too but for reasons specified above i cannot tell them so in so many words so I will have to hope they know by osmosis.

eemie, I really agree with the last paragraph of your post

It's going to be a tough one Mrs PG. She takes everything so much to heart.

Makes perfect sense flaotinspace, I think I have to agree with you.
2 events in the last year shortened my address book. The birth of my DD, now almost 8 months old. The diagnosis and then recent death of my mother. The true friends are the ones who were there for those events, who did not shy awake from awkward moments, or send sympathies by text, who did not mind eating earlier/later with a LO and who dont mind the front room being full of toys. only a couple of people, and the same couple at that...

i completely typo'd your name there floatinginspace - am typing one handed, have whingy babe in other

mmmm have been thinking about this a bit this weekend

Can see how a friendship is often tested over time (with life events etc.) and how if it survives those tests, you tend to feel you have a strong friendship (so in that sense, the psychologist's point of view makes sense)

but I think, like lovers, you can have worthwhile friendships that start with a spark straight away rather than having to be developed over time

acquantainces are people I just bump into all the time - I don't actively look forward to spending time with them iyswim

I think perhaps this is one of those things where you have to just live in the moment

Anyone who I am enjoying spending time with, at any moment in time, is a friend. With some friends you will spend a life time of moments with, others only one or two. Sometimes the footprints in our lives left by those that we only shared a few 'moments' with, will last a life time, sometimes those we share lots of time with won't!

I don't think time is the biggest differentiating factor for me in my friendships - I value all of them, long and short