Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

How do you define a 'friend' (as opposed to acquaintance, say)

139 replies

Aloha · 22/02/2007 22:48

Interested in this because of threads on MN and because I interviewed a psychologist recently who said you couldn't say someone was a friend unless you'd known them for several years, which took me aback a bit.
What in your view makes someone a friend?

OP posts:

bossykate · 23/02/2007 23:01

thks aloha.

teecee - eek - no need to worry - didn't mean to weird you out...

i suppose it is all a comment on my friendships! if i had an issue with a friend - a big one - would probably walk away to cool down and see what could be salvaged. would never never have an intense/relationship style convo with a friend...

am sure that says more about me etc etc

bossykate · 23/02/2007 23:03

agree that some people have a "gift" for friendship - i don't have it. not many people do i think - for most people from childhood onwards, proximity is the main determinant of friendship...

MrsPhilipGlenister · 23/02/2007 23:07

I agree, bk .

My mum didn't (still doesn't) have any friends - I think that perhaps it doesn't help if you don't have someone "modelling" friendship for you when you're a child.

AnguaVonUberwald · 23/02/2007 23:12

Not read the other threads. But I had someone who I felt I was increadibly close to as a friend, we were only friends for a few months, told each other everything, and then one day I just never heard from her again.

The only thing I can think of is that the direction my life was going in (mariage, children etc) was one that she was not comfortable with, so she bailed. I think any definition of friendship therefore, really friendship, has to contain time, and change

Marina · 23/02/2007 23:17

What are you like the pair of you, "gift for friendship" lacking indeed not from where I am standing.
V interesting thread - I think I like eemie's definition best. It's been tested by us and on us a few times over the years...

TeetheCeeofDavedom · 23/02/2007 23:19

LOL BK, you didn't weird me out, ... well maybe you id but only a teeny bit!

Aloha - Hmmm, it might just be that I have a great friends. I might be an average friend but am lucky enough to know some really great people?

TeetheCeeofDavedom · 23/02/2007 23:22

Yes good post eemie. I esp like the last line of your post, food for thought there for me, thank you for that.

bossykate · 23/02/2007 23:22

well, marina my love, if you didn't know it before, we look forward to welcoming you at 2 am if you need it! in fact from now on we will be positively looking forward to it!

Marina · 23/02/2007 23:23

acid test is do I bring Princess Shouty with me, though...

bossykate · 23/02/2007 23:26

yes of course - she can be in a contest with fairy princess as to who can be the most shouty...

bossykate · 23/02/2007 23:28

am not joking - fairy princess manages to stay up till all hours chatting, giggling and singing...

hunkerdave · 23/02/2007 23:29

I find it really, really hard to believe anyone actually wants to be friends with me though - I mean, I'm pretty likeable, I am friendly, but when I was younger (and to a certain extent still) I never seemed to inspire people to want to do things to help me or make me happy - I used to struggle to make friends. Even now, I still find that I'm usually the "thoughtful" one with people and an afterthought to others - it's very, very nice to be the one who is thought of, as I have been more often than I ever have been in the last couple of years - by people I've met on here.

That's probably one of the most personal things I've ever put on here - I put it down to exhaustion and severe period pain [needy] [sob]

Pavlovthecat · 23/02/2007 23:30

Sorry to jump in on this thread so late in the day, I have not read all the threads but wanted to say my thing about friends, after a difficult year.

I have lots of acquaintances, and three friends (one is my DP) I realised this recently. However my three friends are the best friends I can ever have. A friend is some-one who will share in the most important times in your life, good and bad, who support you, love you and care for you no matter what, who you can sit with for hours without talking, or talk with all night if you want to. Someone who you can not talk to for weeks and then feel like it was only yesterday.

One of my friends, she was there at the birth of my child along with my DP as my mother was too ill to be there. She sent the most wonderful card to my LO saying how she was looking for ward to sharing her life. She came to see me the moment she heard my mum was unwell, she called me just to tell me she loved me when I had a rough week. She called me the day my mum died and every other day after when my other friends felt unable to mention it. She called me to invite me to a family gathering.
I have realised that I am very very very lucky to have a friend like this. I dont feel sad about not having many, I feel privelaged that I am lucky enough to have one like this (the other one is her husband, who I guess is there by default!!).

Pavlovthecat · 23/02/2007 23:31

hunkerdave - I know exactly how you feel. I often wonder what it is about me that people actually like...

hunkerdave · 23/02/2007 23:32

I shouldn't be thinking about it - I'm seriously stressed and overwrought and tired and sore and now I have tears streaming down my face

Pavlovthecat · 23/02/2007 23:32

Oh, sorry another thing. My great friend is the only person other than my DP who does not blow smoke up my ass, she tells me the truth. Gently, but without disguise.

Tortington · 23/02/2007 23:33

if life goes tits up - big time - who would you turn to that wasn't family?

thats a friend.

a person who would give you love and suppport and listen to you and travle to see you and try and cheer you up and research stuff for you.

Pavlovthecat · 23/02/2007 23:33

Hunkerdave - {{{{hugs}}}. I think you are great - you wore silk boots to your wedding...

Pavlovthecat · 23/02/2007 23:34

custardo - exactly

TeetheCeeofDavedom · 23/02/2007 23:34

I was just thinking Hunker, blimey, where's the joke and then thought blimey she's really opening up here. A great post and one that I think probably rings true with many people.

Marina · 23/02/2007 23:34

Marina · 23/02/2007 23:35

For some of us in some respects custy, friends ARE the new family, I think I know that holds true with some of my best friends.

hunkerdave · 23/02/2007 23:35

Aw, PtC, thank you.

I'm just tired. I carried a 13mo across London in a sling today, with horrible period pain. It was a really lovely day, but I am done in. And no, I can't go to bed, for tomorrow we find out whether the house we love really can be ours and I'm too anxious to sleep [tenterhooks]

TeetheCeeofDavedom · 23/02/2007 23:35

Oh Hunks, babes Sorry you're all overwrought and stuff. Anything I can do? Wanna come and get stressed with kids and shops with me tomorrow?

hunkerdave · 23/02/2007 23:36

Hey, TC, I do serious sometimes

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6