If you were single from mid 30's until you die...

[sugarlost]

Not your choice but you just did not meet the one and gave up on dating..how would you feel and what would you do?

The Naze, would agree with you.I am just leaving a marriage where that is the issue.On the surface he will appear perfect to women in their 40's.

As for what do I do, well I do whatever the fuck I like grinsince I never have to even think of consulting an OH. I travel either alone or with friends or family, go to the theatre, dinner, museums with friends etc. I still work full time so I never have enough time to do things.

This. Time and money are my biggest constraints.

I miss sex, and affection in general, and sometimes it would be good to have someone to share the chores with (I know that's not guaranteed, even if you are in a relationship.)

I think a lot depends on your support networks (even if you're not single), and if you've got a range of people around, whom you can rely on for different areas of life - the friend who you have a great laugh with may not be the one you share lifts to the children's swimming lessons with, or talk about worries about your parents to, for example - if you'very got that, you're probably going to find life easier to battle through than those who don't. We all need support sometimes - it doesn't have to be from a partner.

I don't think there is a definitive answer here. It all depends on how you feel about being single as opposed to taking the plunge into a relationship with all of its roller coaster emotions and events.

If I had to be single mid 30s onward, I'd try to focus my life on fulfilling my own happiness without a man by my side. It could be anything, from work and hobbies, to getting a pet, perhaps a child by other means ... I don't know, the truth is that it is a diverse world out there and there is plenty to do, even single.

If you feel like you don't want to initiate a relationship search because you afraid you will be used, I think you can still have some success. You just have to meet the right one I guess. Invest the time to really discuss your needs and avoid the subject of sex. Let it be clear it is not what you are after and maybe you will retain a godo focus on what is really important to you.

Trips & holidays are my bugbear. I have a good group of friends, can usually find someone to share a cinema/theatre trip with ( if not, I'll go on my own); but holidays are more difficult. The holiday business is 95% 'price based on 2 sharing; I do go on singles holidays but their group nature isn't always what I fancy; I have holidayed with a single friend, and it's ok, but nothing like the good shared experience of previous holidays with husband/ boyfriend.
Having been single so long, maybe a 'gentleman caller/holiday companion' would be ideal for me - especially in the light of the murder mentioned above

Depends. I've had 3 children and am so done with childbearing (good thing as I'm nearly 46) and have been married 3 times. If DH dropped dead I'd just have flings when possible and it wouldn't bother me a jot if I never had another partner/husband again. Too much going on already.

My great aunt (who i classed as a Grandmother) was single from her mid twenties when she lost her fiance in the war. By choice, no one else matched up. I dont know how she felt in her thirties or when she gave up on having children. I do know that by the time I knew her she had an amazing life. Wide circle of friends who loved her. A career she was passionate about & very good at. Lots of travel, with friends, up to a year before she died. An active campaigner (she was at Greenham Common among other things). And while she was never a parent, my mum classes her that way (so does my dad). She was there for every event big or small in my childhood & was my mums birth partner.

This is me, I'm 40, been single since 30, no kids sadly, it is bloody lonely!

I've had ONS and a couple of friends with benefits but it doesn't really help, imagine the last 3650 odd days you'd fallen asleep alone, woke up alone, except maybe 50 of them over those 10 years. And you knew that you'd nothing better to hope for over the next 10-40 years.

It sucks!

User..you posted at the start of the thread that you are asexual...have you always been this way?

Grand..regarding having a lover this crossed my mind...it would still be a good option with the right lover...I have found that most of my previous partners have been stifling as Manwithdog mentioned..I'm not a clingy woman if anything I step away as soon as I see signs of them stepping away from me and this could just be online emails ...that's on hold.I admire strong, independent individuals...I feel my past has shaped me and not in a positive way which has had a negative impact in the encounters/partners I have chosen.

Man with dog...your set up will sound like bliss to many...we are different folk as human beings...it's good your upfront but I guess there may be women still hoping for more from you. I find it it hard to separate emoitionally when intimately involved with someone...it's not that I may want a relationship from them but I don't want to be treated as an one nighter with no respect either..friends with benefits maybe but long term that would not be good for me either....I think I'm contradicting myself!

One..terrified of choosing the wrong partner..I think there are many of us who are scared to invest and who have been burnt but can we let them close the door on the possibility of finding a wonderful companion...will you open yourself up to finding love again? I'm scared too.

I'm...I do cultural things too...you sound similar to me.The passion I have felt has been temporary...honeymoon period over. You mention unavailable men gaining your attraction ....I think I have that in a way by being attracted to men who are out of my league visually but that is just lust...you know when you see men on the train etc. As I've got older I have the need to find a man who I can connect with emoitionally of course there needs to be an attraction but not like when I was in my early 20's and it was more physical.

When I compare myself to my friends who are married I honestly think that I am at least as happy as they are, if not more so.

Of course there are things I would like to have that I do not, like sex, affection, a constant partner in crime, someone always available to go on holiday with, someone to cheer me up after a bad day at work.

But the freedom I have to do all the things I enjoy, the time and space to develop really fabulous friendships, knowing that my house and lifestyle are the result of my hard work alone, ability to be spontaneous and do whatever I want on a whim, are all very valuable to me and I'm getting to the point where I no longer long to meet a life partner because my life is very nice as it is.

eBear makes a good point. A good selection of friends makes a huge difference. I have plenty of general friends who I socialise with, have dinner parties with etc. but I've noticed that my good friends fulfill different needs. I have my holiday friend, advice friend, cosy evenings with board games friends, days out friend, walk and coffee friend, bike rides friend, friends I do my hobby with etc. etc. All of these are friends I also do general eating/drinking/having fun with but between them they all fulfill various needs without anyone of them being aware of that or being under pressure to make up for the fact I don't have a partner.

I'm 35. Separated from my H 6 weeks ago.
I'm certain that being single for the rest of my life is better than being in an unhappy relationship. Fortunately my Mirena dampens my libido and I am hoping that will make things a bit easier.
I'm loving having the house and my time to myself. Couldn't see the negatives about my marriage from in it. Really determined to stay positive about it but it's such early days.

Lurking...your right it's nice to see the focus is not placed on having children for fulfilment on this thread although I understand it does that and more for many. To be honest I am at the right stage in my life to meet someone..I hope I have learnt from my experience and the experience of others to find a relationship that is right for me. Lovely to hear you met your match and you mentioned adapting our situations because of our circumstances...I wish you much happiness with your partner..it's not easy at times especially when couples are asked about starting a family often innocently but the people asking don't realise that the couple may not be able to conceive. Yes life is about making the most of our situation like you said and this thread has been really encouraging to me. Thanks to you all!

I'd focus on living as well as I could, on work, on pets, on friends. I would probably also have a friend with benefits if I could find one!

What Purplebluebird said.

I'd never rule it out, but after 20 years of being on my own (with one child) I can't imagine living with a man again .... it feels like something you do when you are young and malleable, but I am also a person who likes their own space.

I am in my 50s and still miss sex though, sometimes. But I don't think I could have gone without sex in my 30s, even if this, unfortunately, made me a little reckless at times . In my 40s I had a couple of grim flings which has made me a lot more cautious anyway.

I'm kind of OK being single now :-). And there are lots of positive things about it.

I'm 32 and recently divorced. While I would like to date later in the year and have some fun, the thought of being in a relationship does not thrill me at the moment. I definitely have lots of things I would like to do in my life that I am happy to do without a partner. Having said that, I think I do assume my future holds another LTR at some point.
I find that I can go without sex pretty easily if I don't have it, but as soon as I start getting it my libido goes through the roof and I think about little else! So I think some short-lived flings would do me for now...

I'm 29 and my relationship recently ended. I don't see how I have time to meet anyone new now, as dc dad doesn't see them any more and I use my babysitting favours tk cover my work shifts that fall outside of school hours.
I suppose I could remain single forever now. I think I'll just get a nice dog when the kids are a bit older. A labrador maybe.

My aunt married for the first time aged 73. You don't have to write yourself off as long as you're still compos mentis.

I'm 37 and live in a flat on my own or with my nearly 5 year old daughter when she's not with her father. I've been alone since she was 2.

Since I discovered the 'rabbit' I don't miss sex at all. Takes a lot less energy and self consciousness and I get an orgasm out of it in under a minute too.

I do miss intimacy though, and I really miss having someone to listen when I've had a bad day, and someone to tell good news to or gossip with.

I'm not really afraid of being single forever as it kind of happens without realising (been single for long periods before) but it is disappointing and regretful, and not how I saw my life when I was young. I'm sure I'm a let down to my parents. My lack of success is quite astounding really, from being bullied at school to having bad grades, not completing college or gaining any useful qualification, no career progress just bouncing from job to job on minimum wage, being in my thirties before having a child out of desperation since all my relationships were few and far between and of course choosing entirely the wrong person to have a child with. I'm living in a rented flat with no hot water in a foreign country whilst bringing up a child on benefits. I'm a real catch!

You're surviving, Boomerwang and there's a lot to be said for that. Are you in the UK, where you can be in touch with other single parents, such as Gingerbread group?

42 year old man, no children, been single approaching 7 years, (last 4 years of 10-year long-term relationship were sexless), haven't had a date in over 5 years, haven't had sex in therefore nearly 10 years.

I have my own flat, interests, friends, interesting although not brilliantly paid job. But I get incredibly lonely. Friends are great but almost all of them are married with children and they aren't there in the morning, or last thing at night. I have little family, also.

Despite the positives, I find it very hard to keep going sometimes. I did the online dating thing for ages but gave it up. I do often think this is probably it for me. But there is no way I will still be here in 10 years time if there hasn't been some change in personal circumstances.

I'm also asexual. Always have been although been married and in relationships just couldn't figure out why sex didn't really hold anything for me until I read a post on here and things fell into place. I do sometimes feel attraction to people but it isn't sexual

Similar to meandmydog above. I like the freedom now. My youngest will turn 16 the year I am 40 and I am looking forward to having opportunities to travel/go to things I want to do while still being young enough to do it.

If I had enough money to never worry about being taken care of, I would love it.

Well, in my early to mid thirties I wouldn't have, and didn't when I was single during those years. But as I got older and felt more complete, the only thing that really causes me to seek out relationships is the fear of not being able to support myself forever.

Not gold-digging. But shared rent/mortgage and someone to take turns looking after each other with sounds lovely.

P.S. I have been married and when married life is lonely, it is very very lonely. Single life is infinitely better in terms of not feeling lonely.

Shatners - that's just how I felt and 40 , which I will turn soon, was my 'ten years time.' I hope your circumstances change.

OP thank you for your kind words. I feel so lucky I met my match and lucky to have been an 'old' bride. (My Nan loudly announcing 'oooh you'd never know she was 35' was definitely a highlight of the day...!) I say that because by marrying 'late'
I knew we fitted and I knew it was right. Being older means we love each other as we are - no expectations of change and no game playing. It's been lovely, and while no children is a sadness we have a good life and I wouldn't swap it if I didn't get to keep him. And we have so much to look forward to, because we have chosen to face in a new direction.

None of us know which way life will go and what we will suddenly gain or lose.

I wish you lots of happiness.

The post about feeling angry about the situation...that was me in my 20's I felt as though if I was not in a relationship I would not be happy...you certainly live and learn. My friendships have saved me and being sociable. I often think if some of my friends would have been able to manage in my situation..a friend recently advised her depression was cured by settling down.
The post about waking up and going to bed alone...lately I wake in the morning and the first thoughts are I'm alone..I think I made a mistake in some of the decisions I made in life..in time I'm hoping that will pass.Its not like I'm not living my life and having happy moments...must be subconscious if that's the correct word.

Jelly that is wonderful news to hear about your aunt...I shall keep that in mind to add to my motivation!

Gin a Labrador sounds good to me...pets can do alot to help the soul ;)

Boom don't be too hard on yourself. I'm glad the 'rabbit' was invented although it didn't work for me..not much does lol. I'm sure you have a heart of gold...At times I feel disappointed in myself but I don't want to keep comparing myself to others and society's expectations of what I should have achieved at this age to make me feel down. Try not to focus on what you feel are negatives in your past or present situation...I know it's hard but I'm really trying. Can you make plans however small they may be to help the way you feel..can you do a course you may enjoy or benefit from for example? Reading a book helps my mood...it's escaping...the little things in life like that maybe. Can you volunteer for experience to help get paid employment..I know it's difficult with a child for childcare. Hoping you have a positive year ahead.

Shatners I'd love to have an interesting job and good you have great friends and interests. It's something about waking up alone that's playing on my mind..comforting to know I'm not alone although I don't want others to have that feeling of loneliness...I have positive and negative weeks. Next week will be busy for me which is good but sometimes I come home from a fab night and am sad to have no loving partner to message I'm coming home and my mood dips. I find making plans keeps me going. I made alot of friends at work..Had I relied on school friends I'd have no one.
About 10 years on ...don't give up...please! I'm in a much better place emotionally then I was 10 years ago..I would never have believed that I could change so much and I had dark days.See help if you need it.

38, have been single for about 12 years. About this time last year I admitted to myself that I really wasn't bothered about being in a relationship and gave myself permission not to care or search any more. I'm in the process of trying for a baby on my own, and even if it doesn't work out I'll be pleased I tried.

I have dated over the last decade or so, but haven't clicked with anyone sufficiently enough for it to become serious. Never had a one night stand. Being single forever really doesn't bother me.