We have been together for 12 years and have two toddlers aged 1 and 3. My husband left his stable job of 10 years to set up how own business - it was his dream to do so, so I stood by him. He has had the business (in hospitality) for 3 years and this has had a knock on effect with him spending quality time with me and the kids and also financially.
To this date the children and I hardly see him. He leaves in the morning crack of dawn before we wake up and then returns around 8pm which is the time the kids are in bed. He has one day off but he spends 25% of the time recuperating from the week another 25% of the day preparing for his week ahead and which leaves very little quality time with his family. I get so upset that he's not around to sit with the kids for breakfast or dinner meals. As a couple we hardly do anything together no nights out for dinner or the movies. Partly because we do not have anyone nearby to could look after the kids. But even so in the evenings by the time he gets home and settles in he is knackered and falls asleep by 9-10pm.
He misses the majority of family events (not the childrens) but extended family birthdays, dinner parties, days out etc. I'm with the children all day so this can be exhausting for me (especially two toddlers). I'm very active with the kids- we do lots of trips out to the park, swimming and we go out to toddler groups and meet other mums. But I miss having my husband around to spend time with us. He is missing out on the children growing up.
The business is just surviving week by week but he keeps going. I admire his determination to make a success of it but it's been 3 years and financially we need money now to stay afloat. I left a very good job to be a stay at home mum (childcare for two is very costly). A decision we made together. I enjoy being at home with the kids. However when I was working and had my first child I was paying for everything. Now I'm off work I expect my husband to support his family. But that's not happening. For both my maternity leaves I have funded myself and the children paying for clothes, all the baby starter kit (e.g. Cot bed, pram, car seat, clothes), days out, holidays, birthday and Christmas gifts, meals out, cars, car insurance, home insurance the list goes on. I have been living off my savings that I worked hard over the years to accumulate now I hardly have anything left. I've been careful not to overspend and for Christmas 2016 I had to cut back on the kids gifts which I'm so upset about. My husband hardly contributes to financially support us. He gives me £10 here and there for petrol and groceries but that doesn't stretch far. I have communicated with him several times of how much money I need weekly to cover expenditures but he doesn't give me anything close to what's needed. Even maintenance of the car, MOT and servicing I have to fork out.
I used some of my savings to help kick start the business which was agreed that I would need the money back once the business was making money. But I'm not sure how and when it will be returned. I have asked him but he cannot give me an answer.
I keep thinking positively that things will get better. I have had discussions with him verbally and by email (thinking it but sink in better with him on paper) but nothing has changed. He understands that he needs to support us but nothing changes. He's made cutbacks in the business by reducing staff - he now works on his own which means longer hours but I still haven't seen any financial rewards for me and the family.
I love my husband dearly. I don't know what to do anymore.