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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex in laws

91 replies

Lifeisabloodysoap · 08/01/2017 18:57

Hey everyone not been here in a while!

Anyways just kinda looking for a hand holding!
My ex left a year ago and it's been a bloody hard year! Through giving birth and battles with him over the house we both own together. So anyways I have managed to get a mortgage for the house on my own.( smug face it's the icing on the cake). But my ex's parents gave us a little bit of money as a gift (5000). We put the rest towards the house. They are now asking for the 5000 back I can't get any extra money and can't afford to get a loan. Me and the kids have been living in the house me paying the all the bills etc etc. So now they are coming over to my house tomorrow to discuss it :( he wants his name off the mortgage which is fair enough.
I don't know why I'm putting this online I think more just to get it out of me as I'm terrified

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 08/01/2017 19:31

Then there you go, they said themselves in writing (tough on them) that it was a gift. They have no claim, they can bugger off asking for it back. They have no right to ask for it back.

Keep the conversation with them separate from your conversation with the ex. The two have nothing to do with one another. Do not let them bully you into allowing them to come round. The ex, yes, them, no way.

Original poster
Lifeisabloodysoap · 08/01/2017 19:32

I have no friends or family that can be in the same room as them. My family hate them as there has been a lot of stuff happen with them in the past year even when I had our daughter I had to have a midwife there because none of my family could sit there with them. (Not him he didn't show!)

OP posts:
Brollsdolls · 08/01/2017 19:34

Have the conversation with your ex only. Get his name taken off the mortgage, but do not repay any money to anyone.

Stay strong.

Original poster
Lifeisabloodysoap · 08/01/2017 19:34

I have no conversation with their son If I need to contact him about anything with the kids or anything (not that I have had to as he stopped seeing them in may) I have to text them and they forward it on to him!

OP posts:
LineyReborn · 08/01/2017 19:34

Don't offer them a £1 a week!!

Offer them NOTHING. Do not, NOT inadvertently set up a 'debt'.

Cancel their visit. Seriously, just tell them to leave you alone and take it up with their son or solicitor. They have no case.

Good luck Flowers

LineyReborn · 08/01/2017 19:35

I would tell them the text nonsense is stopping.

Brollsdolls · 08/01/2017 19:35

Can you cancel until you can get some advice at least? Please do not let them bully you in to anything.

Wishforsnow · 08/01/2017 19:36

Do not let them into your home. Cancel the visit and don't pay them a penny.

Pogolphin · 08/01/2017 19:42

Have Noro virus tomorrow and buy yourself some time to talk to your solicitor. Might be best to get the mortgage all sorted out before you talk to them at all!

gillybeanz · 08/01/2017 19:43

Cancel the visit, don't give them a penny and stop going through them to their son, unless an authority has requested you do this.
Strictly nc with anyone including your ex, it isn't like he wants to know the kids.
So sorry you are having this awful stuff, but be strong, ignore and they'll soon give up.
You sound lovely btw, many wouldn't have tried as hard as you have, but please for your own mh and sake of your dc, it's time to stop.
Send a solicitors letter to your ex regarding mortgage and have nothing to do with the whole lot of them.

Dontjudgeme1 · 08/01/2017 19:43

Originally, l said have someone with you, now, reading your post again, that there isnt anyone, l would definitely cancel meeting and tomorrow consult with a Solicitor or Citizens Advice.

Original poster
Lifeisabloodysoap · 08/01/2017 19:44

I have the mortgage all ready to go I've been accepted everything is just waiting on a letter from him to say I can take his name off the mortgage :(

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 08/01/2017 19:45

I'm a family solicitor.

It was a gift, they told your lender so. They'll have an uphill task convincing a court that they were lying to your lender. Which would be mortgage fraud.

Do not agree to give them a penny.

MrsBertBibby · 08/01/2017 19:49

Have you reached a proper financial agreement with your ex?

sunshinemeg · 08/01/2017 19:50

Not much help but if you are living nearby to Bristol area I'd happily come and be a hand to hold for you

Starlight2345 · 08/01/2017 19:56

Another cancel visit..

I would also stop communicating through them about DD.

They sound awful.

Catinthecorner · 08/01/2017 20:02

Stop thinking about it in terror.

They signed something saying it was a gift so they can't have it back now. If they want to bully you then you go No Contact and that includes the children.

Your ex wants off the mortgage - if he doesn't write the letter you expect him to pay half until he does. The courts take a dim view of bullying the resident parent in this manner.

You hold the cards here.

Whocansay · 08/01/2017 20:08

Cancel. And ignore them.

They are just being spiteful. It was a gift and they signed an official document to say so. There is no conversation to be had and they know it. If they feel they want it back, let them chase their son.

Original poster
Lifeisabloodysoap · 08/01/2017 20:08

No me and ex have nothing in place as his last lawyers letter said that he will not be replying to any letters in tbe future as he can't afford it! (Even though his parents paid for it)
Sunshine! I bloody wish I lived there I'm in Scotland though. :(

I never want to be seen as the person that stopped them being in the kids life's ever at first I would always text send pictures etc etc but I started getting myself upset blaming myself so councillor said to stop trying.

OP posts:
Natsku · 08/01/2017 20:13

Its a gift so they have no right to ask it back, tell them to go fuck themselves if you can (understandable if you don't want to say that) but in any case, don't let them come round to discuss it, its not discussable - if they want their money back they need to ask their own son and not bother you.

I had similar (though not anywhere near the same in extent) with my ex-inlaws when they turned up at my flat demanded back the cot they had bought as a gift for DD. I was pretty shocked at that - who demands their grandchild's bed back??! And told them to fuck off because it was a gift and they gave up pretty soon.

Original poster
Lifeisabloodysoap · 08/01/2017 20:29

Natsku that's mental!
See I moved out for 5 months whilst having baby and recovering wit csection and when I moved back in they had bought a new toilet seat and they told me I could keep it! I was mortified!

OP posts:
Natsku · 08/01/2017 20:46

They sound weird, like they don't understand how gifts work (like my ex-inlaws) try to ignore them if you can, engaging will only encourage them.

Cherryskypie · 08/01/2017 20:53

Cancel the meeting and send them a copy of the letter they wrote at the time stating it was a gift. Don't engage with any discussion about it.

RandomMess · 08/01/2017 20:53

Hmmm you don't have to repay it, I would say that ex can have it back when the house is sold or your youngest reaches 19 whichever is sooner? You could have that legally drawn up?

So like a mesher order works?

Hidingtonothing · 08/01/2017 21:01

Cat is spot on, you do hold all the cards here OP, trick is to keep that at the forefront of your mind and resist the temptation to revert to being too nice. They're not being nice and you owe them nothing, your DC are your priority and it's a good job they are as your exH and his parents certainly aren't putting them first.

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