Ex in laws

[Lifeisabloodysoap]

Hey everyone not been here in a while!

Anyways just kinda looking for a hand holding!
My ex left a year ago and it's been a bloody hard year! Through giving birth and battles with him over the house we both own together. So anyways I have managed to get a mortgage for the house on my own.( smug face it's the icing on the cake). But my ex's parents gave us a little bit of money as a gift (5000). We put the rest towards the house. They are now asking for the 5000 back I can't get any extra money and can't afford to get a loan. Me and the kids have been living in the house me paying the all the bills etc etc. So now they are coming over to my house tomorrow to discuss it :( he wants his name off the mortgage which is fair enough.
I don't know why I'm putting this online I think more just to get it out of me as I'm terrified

[RandomMess]

Well done you!!

It is possible that the DC could build a better relationship with the out laws now that your ex isn't sh*t stirring. It could be something worth trying, it doesn't sound like their Dad is interested but they could become doting GPS which would be good for the DC - they could also potentially let the DC have contact with their Dad in their home (once the DC had built a relationship with them) and then they are the ones dealing with his flakiness instead of you!

I think your ex has strung them along and they don't know the half of it, be reasonable with them and they could surprise you (and they will be shocked to find out what a pack of lies they have been told by your actions alone!)

[Lifeisabloodysoap]

Oh no their son is always their blue eyed boy! He will never do wrong in their eyes no matter what they have already said that.

They are fantastic with the kids and the kids love them for the little time they have seen them! My daughter goes to them it's beautiful to see! With him having access at their house wouldn't work because he cut contact because it was to far to travel (20 mins) not a chance he would travel to his parents as they are and hour away

[RandomMess]

Ah well just keep up the contact with his parents for the DC sake (no to mention in the future you may appreciate them being able to have all the DC for one weekend a month or similar if they are keen!). Let the ex miss out on his wonderful DC if he can't be bothered!

[Montane50]

This sounds far more optimistic than last night. Im convinced the best for everyone is to be as polite and civil as possible. Your dcs will thank you for it later, and even though they'd never admit their ds is a dick? Your actions are making them think it in private im sure.
Was it mentioned about him signing to come off the mortgage?

[Starlight2345]

Did you tell them you hadn't stopped contact? I would of told them if he wants to restart contact he needs to be a grown up and contact you.

From the sounds of it there is a lot of history..I would be very wary of any regular contact with them as the can apply to courts for permisson to apply for a contact order) or something like that)

My Ex mil saw his DS as her blue eyes boy which was fine except she wasn't able to put my DS's needs above her DS's....Sounds the same here.

[Lifeisabloodysoap]

Yeah his mum said he will make him sign it! So I've to call my lawyer in tbe morning to get it drawn up! We will see though he might turn around and say hell no!
There is a lot of history a lot of saying one thing doing another on their part!

Only time will tell I suppose. With him contacting me that will never happen his mum actually brought up that the police are cracking down on domestic abuse at the moment. I don't know what this was about but I think it's to do with when I was 38 weeks pregnant he stood shouting at me at my parents door about how I'm disgusting and how he couldn't stand to look at me so he wouldn't be coming to the birth. But I thought it was a very strange thing to bring up!

[Montane50]

Softly softly then.
To bring up dv out of the blue, its definitely sounding like they realise what a titwank he really is, but like most parents they're remaining loyal. I really hope they feel guilty enough to give him a shove to act decently, though he sounds bloody awful op

[Dowser]

What jumped out at me was...my ex in laws gave us 5000 as a gift. We put he rest towards the house.

Haven't rtft....you might have explained it....but just wondered how much money was actually put into the house. Doesn't sound like full £5000 from your opening statement.

[SuiteHarmony]

He already refused to sign a new mortgage meaning I am on a variable rate paying over 100 extra a month than I was before. It's hit me hard with the money having to return to work early from mat leave.

So he would prefer the bank to have £400pcm rather than his kids?

[Lifeisabloodysoap]

Dowser sorry we put 4250 into the house. The full deposit was 9250.

Suite yes he didn't want to be tied to it for another 2 years as him and ow are buying a property.

[Ellisandra]

I'm thinking that he isn't a particularly high earner if you had a deposit under £10K and half came from his parents.
That leads me to think that he has to be off your (his existing) mortgage before he can get one for the new place with the OW.
That puts you in a very strong position.
What is this nonsense that you're ending up paying more after remortgage?! If that's because he's refusing to do something I would hardball - he's the one who wants to buy with OW. Use that to get the best deal for you.

[Lifeisabloodysoap]

I will be on a cheaper rate when I remortgage but right now I am on a variable ratebecause he refused to sign the mortgage.
He isn't a particularly a low earner but he isn't a high earner as he only works part time.
Yes that's why he wants off because if he doesn't he can't get a new mortgage.

[DownInFraggleRock]

So if you 'owe' them £2500, and your ex has £3000 of your money tied up in his car, which you've said you won't pursue, it sounds to me like that's where they can go and get their money back from!

[RandomMess]

Well if he wants of the mortgage to buy with OW I reckon he'll sign!

[Lifeisabloodysoap]

Well everyone had a major set back today and I'm devastated!!!

The house have valued at 14000 less than what it was valued at when we bought it! So the mortgage company has pulled out of the deal! So now I need to try and apply for a new mortgage again!
I thought 2017 was going to be a good year!

[mirokarikovo]

Ouch!

So are you in negative equity now? Or is there still some equity?

Solves the in-laws problem at any rate. The £5000 gift they gave you has been lost to the misfortune of market values. I never thought you "owed" them anyway but if you did you wouldn't any more.