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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Warning about posting in the Relationships Topic on Mumsnet

370 replies

bibbitybobbityyhat · 04/01/2017 16:33

Don't do it if you don't want your personal stories lifted and splashed all over the Mail Online.

The DM used to restrict themselves to copying and pasting mainly made up (Penis Beaker), lighthearted or neutral threads.

But now they are quite happy to publish deeply personal and very identifying threads too from people posting at crisis point.

I do actually foresee Mumsnet's inability to prevent this being the end of the website tbh. Or MN as we know and love it, anyway.

I know we've had a zillion threads about this already, but I just want to remind people again:

Don't post on Mumsnet if you don't want your thread to be reproduced in the Mail Online.

OP posts:
Original poster
bibbitybobbityyhat · 04/01/2017 22:15

Mistletoetastic
I'd give it a try. They can't really refuse if you more or less insist.

OP posts:
SabrinaTheTeenageBitch · 04/01/2017 22:25

So what happens if somebody is in an abusive/ domestic violence relationship and posting for help? Are they going to rip those stories and potentially place someone in a really dangerous situation? Yes the internet is a public forum but a line needs to be drawn somewhere and this 'newspaper' seems to be very close to it.

tribpot · 04/01/2017 22:27

Looks like the change to the terms and conditions today was to add a line at the very end that says You may not post affiliate links without the prior permission of Mumsnet.

SandyY2K · 04/01/2017 22:27

This is a public forum, so in all honesty, anyone posting should be aware that anyone in the world with internet access can read it a d the DM highlighting the story isn't such a big deal.

There's a very small chance, that low life OWs will see the kind of damage they do as well and get a conscience.

I would advise anyone posting their stories, to change subtle details, so that anyone IRL who knows them, cannot easily identify them from the thread.

LardLizard · 04/01/2017 22:34

I don't think it's by the by
I think it's all part of it

I'm trying to remember the first time a thread was in the dailymail, It was years and years ago and was a real shook at the time

Glitteryunicorn · 04/01/2017 22:38

Mistletoe I emailed MNHQ to ask them to delete all my previous posts (under another name) and they said I should go back through and name change on them all Hmm

I created a new account instead and now name change regularly which is a pain in the arse.

I know people say it's a public forum but there's a difference between someone happening upon your identifying thread and someone reading it on a news website.

Original poster
bibbitybobbityyhat · 04/01/2017 22:41

It was 2009, Lard. After moldies.

Do an advanced search for "Mail" in August 2009 - all will be revealed!

OP posts:
LineyReborn · 04/01/2017 22:44

Mamaka I did a quick Google to find out what you were all on about, and there is a thread about bereavement used, it even names the child. I'm absolutely sickened.

There's being a 'public forum' and there's being a parenting site - which proclaims it is there to make parents' lives easier - which allows this shit to happen without, seemingly, any kind of fight.

dibbley · 04/01/2017 22:48

How can you name change on old posts?

NosyBarbara · 04/01/2017 22:51

MN should definitely have a warning. Give posters a heads up.

NosyBarbara · 04/01/2017 22:52

Surely they should just delete your posts if it's a concern? Rather than asking you to name change?

LineyReborn · 04/01/2017 22:53

But you can't name change on old posts. Wtf?

And if MN have changed the T&Cs, then I guess they should offer to delete all posts on request prior to today?

Glitteryunicorn · 04/01/2017 22:56

No idea, they said it spoils the thread for other people if they delete all your posts so I've just dumped the account and changed my name.

If anyone ever finds them and outs me I'll give a blank stare and say I'm more of a nethun Grin

WyfOfBathe · 04/01/2017 22:57

This is a public forum, so in all honesty, anyone posting should be aware that anyone in the world with internet access can read it a d the DM highlighting the story isn't such a big deal.
This ^. Everything on these forums is searchable on google, mumsnet often comes up as one of the top results when you search anything about parenting. So even if you think the people you're posting about don't use MN, that doesn't mean they won't come across your thread anyway.

Original poster
bibbitybobbityyhat · 04/01/2017 23:24

Everyone understands that Wyf. Why do people keep repeating it?

OP posts:
SortAllTheThings · 04/01/2017 23:53

You can name change on old posts. Well, MN can do it, as least they used to.

SortAllTheThings · 04/01/2017 23:54

Sorry, that makes no sense. What I mean is that MN can change your nn on your old posts. Don't think they do it lightly.

SophieGiroux · 04/01/2017 23:54

The Sun online has a whole section dedicated to Mumsnet. I only found out a thread of mine was splashed all over it with identifying photos when told by a friend Blush

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 05/01/2017 00:00

I've had this NN for a while now.

SandyY2K · 05/01/2017 00:13

Everyone understands that Wyf. Why do people keep repeating it?

Because knowing that negates the very point of this thread.

MN, FB, Twitter, Instagram ... these are public platforms. If you really don't want your business out there, don't use these forums or be smart by anonomysing, so you can't be identified IRL.

I don't get why it's hard to understand this.

TrickFish · 05/01/2017 00:15

I think the problem is those of you who think of this website as some sort of club. It's just a forum, a public forum, same as Reddit. People can sign up and pose as whoever they want to be and post whatever they like. It's the other posters that then complain and moderators (posters) who deal with the complaints.

It's daft to expect privacy and protection on a public forum. If you want to discuss sensitive issues in private there are online groups that allow you to do so.

user1480946351 · 05/01/2017 00:21

And there's a similar post on AIBU or CHAT where there's a lot of 'what do you expect?' Victim blaming going on

It's not "victim blaming", no-one here is a victim, for one thing. You need to understand some fundamental facts: when you post here, it is for the entire world to see. It is on the open internet, its not a cosy club, or a hidden corner, or a friendship group. It's out there, for anyone to read or copy or reblog...this is not new.
Yes, its lazy journalism, but they aren't stealing private secrets, they are taking what you have already given to the entire world. Don't you get it?

user1480946351 · 05/01/2017 00:22

Everyone understands that Wyf. Why do people keep repeating it?

Clearly they don't. Clearly YOU don't, or you woulnd't have started this thread!

SortAllTheThings · 05/01/2017 00:26

But it's different. There are thousands of threads on here (less recently though, I can't think why). You'd be very unlikely to stumble across a thread posted by a mate complaining about your wedding, for example. Stick it in the daily mail and the likelihood that family and friends will notice particular details is much increased.

Now, extend that to the incredibly sensitive issues across many of the boards on here, and try to understand why people are getting very pissed off.

TrickFish · 05/01/2017 00:47

The same people who are posting about very sensitive issues on a public forum for the world to see are getting pissed off because their posts are on another platform which is also public and available for all to see?

Confused