SAHM's...do you have 'job satisfaction'?

[DetentionGrrrl]

I'm curious as to whether SAHM's enjoy their work, and get a thrill out of completing tasks etc.

DP said i was a very good wifey the other day because i'd made him lunch for work and ironed some shirts for him. I had a little warm feeling...then thought dear god, where's my feminist feeling gone?!

I don't get as much satisfaction from putting the dishwasher on as i did say, training new staff in my 'proper' job, but sometimes, i think it's not so bad being a wifey instead.

I do get job satisfaction from all aspects of it from reading stories and teaching and nurturing the children to having nice clean beds and healthy food and organised toys etc.

I do think it is a difficult job because there is no end to it and when having too many sleepless nights or heavily pregnant and struggling physically I get overwhelmed. If I am not managing to do the job to my satisfaction I find that depressing then.

Also I don't think it is a job with much status in our society which is a shame.

i'm feeling fairly satisfied with my lot at the moment- i made DS pancakes yesterday for the first time. My 3rd attempt were delicious, and i felt quite proud in the end. Have also managed to feed and dress him for a settling session at Childminders already! Feel quite smug.

I shouldn't speak too soon...he'll probably poo all over his clothes now....

well said floatinginspace!

DH and I generally do the boring housework at weekends - there's more motivation due to the teamwork, someone to take over if the kids get in the way, and it gets done quicker so one or all of us can go out and have fun at some point each day.
Like I say I do the housework I enjoy during the week and aim to keep the kitchen 'company ready' LOL in case we invite someone back after preschool (can't be arsed right now due to halfterm.)

I'm a SAHM with a cleaner so the only housework I have to do is the daily tidy and hoover that needs doing before my mates come round for coffee .. and I shop and cook because I like to shop and cook .. and I play with kids because I like doing that too .. its not a job, I refuse to have 'job satisfaction' .. I do have life satisfaction though in the main

I don't feel that comments lauding the role of the SAHM are sanctimonious. If anything it is a job that is under-recognised and not rewarded enough -- fiscally and emotionally.

Maternity allowance in the UK is a maximum of £108 per week. So for an average 10 hour day, 7 days a week, that's very shabby indeed for someone who is a cleaner, nursemaid, teacher, house financial controller, diplomat for house-battles (!) and court jester ...

I am working 2 days a week after a 4 month maternity leave. I found the attitude towards me by colleagues and indeed in general prety appaling ... comments like "Oh when are you coming back to work then..." and "Oh how lovely to have a whole x months off" ...

IM(vvvvvvvv)HO being a SAHM is such hard work ... there's not really any 'down' time, it is repetitive and people expect you to emerge from the house with an air of joy every day. It's bloody hard graft compared with the office where you can finish a cup of tea when it's still hot, negotiate a daedline (try appealing to a hungry 4 month old for clemency while you finish something!) and be thanked/praised (=motivation) for completing tasks.

I'm not saying that working-mum trumps SAHM one way or another, just that both should be valued equally.

It is a shame that women remain so divided on these issues. It is a biological necessity that we have to stop work for however long if we want to. It is a travesty that we get into a bunfight rather than supporting each other's choices and using the energy to improve the situation for every woman ... work AND home.

Just an observation but its interesting that the housework gets more of a mention in a lot of the posts.

I do think we worry too much about the state of our houses rather than the state of our kids and only if you are a supermum can you balance both admirably.

Dont get me wrong, I am also one of those that have in the past been more intent on getting the chores done rather than playing a game with ds.
That has now stopped, I have to ask myself 'who am I tidying this for?' the answer is invariably 'in case someone pops round'

Enough, where is the tiddlywinks? i'm going to thrash you.

Rosy, I agree with your comments about the lack of respect for the job mothers do.

If you are too enthusiastic about your children or wish to praise them publicly you are then labelled 'pushy'!

Its a fine social balance to achieve and quite often it holds a lot of us back when putting our young ones forward.

FIS: agree that there's more to do when you have DCs - I used to take the Quentin Crisp approach that the mess doesn't get much worse after 6 months. Now I do wash up most days and seem to be doing laundry a fair bit of the time. Am gradually easing into doing a bit more to straighten up and reorganise areas of the hosue as DS gets bigger and more able to entertain himself because I'm going to need to see clients at home occaisionally so had better have two rooms kind of civilised.

Mind you, I agree with all other posters that it's a shame people can't deal with the fact that other people live differently: everyone has to neogitate some sort of balance between looking after DCs, generating enough money to keep the hosuehold fed, and doing something to keep one's one sense of self alive.

Madam, Yes all folk live differently, that we do have to accept. I'm not wholeheartedly with you on the doing something to keep one's one sense of self alive.

It was a given that it flew out of the window once I had a child. There is a lot of selfish parents out there.

surely everyone has to retain a sense of self though? otherwise aren't we just baby feeding and cleaning machines?

i've always felt i was born to be a mother, but i still make time for films, music, books and for being called by my christian name once in a while!

I love being a sahm, really love it and yes I am lucky that we can afford it and I do not have to go out for work. Some days are hard and boring, same as any other job really. I did find it harder being at home and adjusting to things with my first when he was a baby. Now on my third I find it easy. The housework gets done when I can fit it in but I do not really worry about it. The children come first.

I am a bit old fashioned that way, I should of been a mum in the 50's. Im of the opinion that I have had my good times and career and now that I have chosen to bring him into this sh** world that a cleaning, feeding, LOVING machine I will be.

this thing about -doing something for yourself to keep your sense of self alive-

If by that you mean work, then I don't get that at all. but it is what some people say isn't it?

'I work because I want to do something for my self'

Agree DG that making time for yourself by reading boks, socialising etc is really important.

but I have never felt so 'me' before in any other role. for me being a sahm makes all the sense in the world. raising my kids and taking care of my family is my whole world.

instinctive I guess.

while I totally respect other peoples choices I also find it really hard to understand why people choose to work rather than be full-time mothers, simply because it seems so unnatural to me.

I guess that is why these debates attract so much interest and often get heated.

I stay at home because dh and I believe that we needed to sacrifice one of our jobs to bring up the family. I don't find 'job satisfaction' in being a SAHM in the same way I did in my 'previous life' but it can be very rewarding.

I think being at home with the children teaches you a lot about yourself as a person - and a lot of it, is not nice. Let's face it, if you have difficulties at work it's not like your colleague is screaming in your face, jumping up and down and pushing you to your absolute limits. If you have a tough day, you can just walk away and take time out. I miss the adult company, I miss my identity, I miss the buzz of hitting targets etc.

But, if I was at work I'd miss my son taking his first steps, I'd miss the giggles we have, the games we play, the stories we tell. I'd hate for someone else to tell me that ds did this, ds did that, ds and I had a great day today. I want to savour these precious years while I can

Oh, and I hate being referred to as a housewife

2boys I dont understand:

"But, if I was at work I'd miss my son taking his first steps, I'd miss the giggles we have, the games we play, the stories we tell."

why would you miss these things? if you worked you wouldnt play with your kids or laugh or read with them? of course you would! - dont understand...

I've done both - big age gap between DS1/DD1 and then DS2/DS3. With the oldest 2 I worked full-time and felt permanently guilty and exhausted. I was a crap mother, but that was because I was very young and very clueless. With the younger 2 I'm a very part-time childminder so effectively a SAHM and I still feel guilty. I hate that "What do you do for a living?" question when I meet someone new, because SAHM must sound lame and dull to someone with a proper "career". But being a SAHM does suit me, just as I can see that it won't suit others - I'm lucky that I have the choice now, which I didn't (financially) before.

Yes and no

I get lots of job satisfaction with my parent hat on, but if I take off my parent hat and become just me then the answer is no.

However, my youngest starts full time school in Sept and I am training for a new career. I will be able to work school hours only, so am hoping that I will reach new levels of satisfaction. Just embarking on a training programme has made me so much happier although no less stressed.

Agree -- somehow I just felt that I needed to explain 'what I did before I had a baby' during my brief souhourn as a SAHM.

Pity I need to be defined by my career success rather than my family/reltionship sucess ... or even both.

Possibly just reflects our inability in the UK to have a work/life balance ... we even put work first in the descriptor term.

My husband works.....
He missed both his sons take their first steps
He leaves before they get up in the morning, he gets home after they have gone to bed. He misses bathtime and bedtime. He doesn't get to share the giggles during the day, he doesn't get to read a bedtime story - except weekends. By his own admission he feels he misses out on a lot of their development.

If I went back to work, I would miss these things

soujourn

2boys

snap for my dh

totally empathise

its a bummer

i quite like it when my DP says the house looks nice then check myself. However i do choose to work 2 days a week. In the sense that my wage is an added bonus. Preggers poppet, it has given me back some financial independence and regained some equilibrium in my relationship - I am a f'ing great mum (if i do say so myself!)and my role isnt just defined by what activities we do and how many cookies we bake and whether all my laundry smells of comfort (blah b;lah blah)