Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can't believe this...

94 replies

Arosebyanyothername · 20/02/2007 10:09

Hi
Having struggled through huge problems, which culminated in me leaving him and taking the DC with me,I came back to give it another go. Things aren't good. And now, DH has set up a website for people to contact other people for extra marital, no strings attached sex! He wanted me to run it, and when I said not a chance, he got annoyed and said he would do it himself. His idea is that, in the beginning, until he has a list of male and female contacts, he will pose as lots of different men, and I would pose as lots of different women, and 'cyber sex' with them via e mail!!!! Then if they asked to meet up make up an excuse and cry off! As if this wasn't disrespectful enough to me, he spent all of the weekend loking at porn sites 'for research', in the living room, in front of me and DD, who is 2. She could clearly see the pictures of oral/anal/lesbian acts etc...when I went ballistic he said she wouldn't understand and wouldn't take any notice anyway!!!!! I don't have a problem with porn as such, but it has it's time and place. I am furious that he could access that while our daughter was standing next to him. he wants to 'cater' for all tastes and persuasions...wanted to take a photo of my feet to put on there for foot fetishists!!!! All of this has been set up without discussion. To make matters worse, Social Services are involved (from a distance) over previous problems and they would go mental of they got wind of this but he just can't see it. I can't even bear to be in the same room as him anymore...he turns my stomach. Basically he is giving himself a green light to cyber with loads of different women under my nose, in my living room, in the name of business.

OP posts:
GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 20/02/2007 12:11

Go, go, go. He has no respect and is not worth staying for. Yuck.

HappyDaddy · 20/02/2007 12:12

There's nothing to struggle with. He's a complete prick.

HappyDaddy · 20/02/2007 12:13

And if you tell a solicitor that he's looking at porn in front of your child, they'll have no problem getting HIM to leave.

littlemissbossy · 20/02/2007 12:14

I couldn't agree with more HD

clarinsgirl · 20/02/2007 12:14

Listen to mumblechum. You don't need more opinions / validation - the answer is HE HAS TO GO. Get the right help and get him out.

littlemissbossy · 20/02/2007 12:15

with YOU more HD

Arosebyanyothername · 20/02/2007 12:24

HappyDaddy, I don't mean I'm struggling with what's the right thing to do, I mean I'm struggling with why? I'm struggling to understand how he can do this, and why he's doing this, and what's in his messed up head? When I asked him, in absolute disbelief, would he not HATE to think that his own wife was sending porn e mails to some desperado who was probably **ing to it, he shrugged and said 'nah...if I'm making money from it I wouldn't care, and anyway...it's not like you'd really be doing anything'!

OP posts:
Arosebyanyothername · 20/02/2007 12:24

Mumblechum...

OP posts:
NurseyJo · 20/02/2007 12:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HappyDaddy · 20/02/2007 12:40

The WHY is simple, he's a selfish incosiderate prick.

That pretty much covers everything. I'd be tempted to tell SS let alone a solicitor.

Arosebyanyothername · 20/02/2007 12:41

NurseyJo...No, never any concerns about my parenting...in fact when we left he received a letter from SS saying that as I was no longer there they were withdrawing their involvement as the problem was no longer there.
When we left HE changed the locks, adn I was told it was illegal for him to do that, and he could be prosecuted for it, so not sure that I would be allowed to do that?

OP posts:
Arosebyanyothername · 20/02/2007 12:43

HappyDaddy...if anyone else in RL knew about the website stuff, I'd be tempted to tell SS and ask them to say it was an anonymous tip off. But as far as I know no one else knows, so he'd know it was me.

OP posts:
Arosebyanyothername · 20/02/2007 12:50

But the website isn't even on line yet, so I have no proof whatsoever. And I can't access the site he is building it from as he has changed the passwords

OP posts:
Aloha · 20/02/2007 12:53

If you want to stay or have him stay, you'll continue to make excuses and keep things just the way they are, but if you are real, I pity your poor daughter. FFS change the locks, call the police, see a solicitor for an occupation order. Do something!

NurseyJo · 20/02/2007 12:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Arosebyanyothername · 20/02/2007 12:56

It's not excuses, really it's not. But I really have nowhere else to go and he is never going to leave. If I file for an injunction/divorce and he is still in the house when I do it he will be terrifying. His moods are like nothing you have ever seen. I have no family, he isolated us from all our friends, I have no income...if he would leave it would be perfect. the kids ahve been moved around enough...from pillar to post, schooling has suffered greatly, and now I want them to have a settled life, and not move them again.

OP posts:
Arosebyanyothername · 20/02/2007 12:57

NurseyJo...I didn't word that very well did I? When we left, they wrote to him saying that as I had removed the children from the situation, they were happy that they were no longer needed. In other words, as the kids weren't around him, they were bowing out.

OP posts:
Arosebyanyothername · 20/02/2007 12:57

The house is rented, joint tenancy.

OP posts:
HappyDaddy · 20/02/2007 12:57

Who cares if he knows it's you? He clearly doesn't care about your child's welfare (or, let me guess, is he a great guy and dad?)

If this was one of your friends, what would you say to them? you wouldn't be umming and ahhing over it would you?

There is NO excuse for what he's doing. The REASON is that he's a selfish prick who's clearly trying to make you so miserable you walk out again. Either that or he has some reason to think you would put up with his bullshit.

HappyDaddy · 20/02/2007 12:59

Ok, so you're scared of him. That's ok. Ring the police and tell them he's looking at porn in front of the kids and you're scared of him as he has a violent temper.

Either that or do nothing. Horrible thought, yes?

Aloha · 20/02/2007 12:59

But he isn't going to just leave. You are going to have to make him. See a solicitor, get an injunction, change the locks, call the police. Just saying 'oh I can't do that because of X and Y' is just useless. That's fine if it's just you, but it isn't just you. It's your children.

NuttyMuffins · 20/02/2007 12:59

Next time he goes out change the locks, when he comes round and tries to get back in call the police, when they arrive, explain what he is doing and that you are truley scared of him etc etc...i really can't see them letting him back in the house then.

If you changed the locks what would he do ??? Ok you'd be breaking the law but what would he actually do ???

liquidclocks · 20/02/2007 13:00

hmm, long shot BUT worth considering. Accessing this stuff in front of children could potentially cause psychological harm and he clearly has problems with his lack of inhibitions - he could be sectioned if you contact SS because he is putting the children at risk and potentially you as yuo say he is 'unstable'.

It may be worth contacting your GP for confidential advice but be aware that if the GP felt there was genuine risk to the children he/she would be obliged to report the conversation. Also local womens support groups may be able to help advise.

HappyDaddy · 20/02/2007 13:00

And he is already known to SS as you say.

littlemissbossy · 20/02/2007 13:01

"His moods are like nothing you've ever seen"
LEAVE THIS MAN FGS
Do you have any family or friends you can live with temporarily??