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Original poster

to refuse to spend tomorrow with a silent dp?

88 replies

BeckyAndTina · 26/12/2016 17:21

DP has tomorrow off work too, but he's giving me the silent treatment.

We went to a shop this morning and he accidently knocked something over. I made a joking remark "oh dear, he`s knocked something over" and the assistant said "don´t worry, I´ll sort it out". We get out the shop, and he is really angry and says. "Next time we are in a shop and I knock something over, don't go into mummy mode and say something like that, so that the assistant has to defend me against your comment". I apologised and said I hadn´t meant it seriously. He said: "well next time, just keep your mouth shut.". He has been giving me the silent treatment since then. I realise it could have been taken wrongly and was a bit of a silly thing to say, that's why I apologised.

After lunch, dc was a bored, dp wanted to do his hobby and suggested dc go and listen to a story on a CD. DP had given dc this story as a Christmas present, and yesterday and today would suggest dc should listen to it. DC asked me if I wanted to listen to it with him, so I did. We were listening to it, when DP storms in, and is angry that I am listening to it with DC because he wanted to listen to it with him. We stopped listening, and I apologised I said I didn´t know as he had repeatedly suggested dc repeatedly listen to it over yesterday and today. We then had a row, where dp says I should have known that he wanted to hear it with him. How? How is this my fault? Since then there has been more silent treatment.

aibu to feel that if this continues, I don´t want to spend tomorrow with dp? He can take the dc out or whatever.

OP posts:
IAmNotTheOneWhoKnocks · 26/12/2016 18:03

MN really makes me wonder. Why do so many people marry/have kids with such horrible people?

Jesus wept, he sounds like a complete child. LTB.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/12/2016 18:09

I think Finola1step has got it. He's softening you up today to get his own way tomorrow. I suggest you pre-empt it by going out. Early. Alone. I's sure he'd love to spend time with DC, listening to that story together - you're absenting yourself will facilitate that.

"He's not always like this, but every now and then he gets into sulks about similar things."
I know I drone on about this, but - 'if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got'. If, every time he pulls this stunt, you apologise until he lets up - all that will happen is that he will do it again. You need to change your tack. If you're not ready to go down the gamerchick route (which I think would work very nicely) then you need to choose another tactic you haven't used before. No apologies. Not a one. And do not allow him to pull a stunt like Finola1step has identified. He needs this crap to not work on you any more.

deblet · 26/12/2016 18:16

I think with new year on its way it is always a good time to look at changes you need to make to be happy. Your DP is a child. He needs to grow up and needs to be told the consequences if he doesn't. Do you want to spend the rest of your life tip toeing around him trying to not upset him? Do you want your child to see you as weak and pathetic or as an equally strong parent with good values? Only you can decide but you need to sort his bad behaviour out before you invest anymore time on him. Sulking and not speaking are very childish controlling tactics used by a weak person unable to be adult. I would be telling him to come to couples counselling to understand why he cannot give that sort of bad example to his children. I had a father who sulked and its all I can remember of some of our family Christmases and I have always seen my mother as pathetic and have no time for her when she whinges about him now. I hope you sort it out.

badabing36 · 26/12/2016 18:16

Just wondering why he bought your dc a present just from him and not from both of you? It seems a weird thing for parents to do, aren't all gifts from the 2 of you?

titsbumfannythelot · 26/12/2016 18:16

If I were you I'd go out early for a few hours and leave him to it. The miserable git that he is.

I agree that changing your behaviour might make him change his, but what an effort for such a miserable sod.

leaveittothediva · 26/12/2016 18:16

I'm not trying to be funny in any way but, is he off the cigarettes or his medication, because these are the only logical reasons for type of unreasonable behavior. And by the way that wouldn't excuse him either, I'd plan to go out for the day to friends or family and tell him that you'd rather not be anywhere near him. Isn't it odd how a lot of men are having major meltdowns over this Christmas period. Wonder wtf it's all about.? (Disclaimer : Not all men, some.)

MrsBobDylan · 26/12/2016 18:17

My God, he's fucking horrible isn't he? Make it your NY resolution to get rid

DollyPlastic · 26/12/2016 18:21

God, what a pig.

Tell him to get over himself or fuck off.

Jux · 26/12/2016 18:26

He is not a nice man. Don't let him dominate you, don't apologise - there really isn't anything you've done wrong. If you allow him to dominate you like this, he will just get worse. The children will be aware even now, no matter how hard you try to hide it from them. He will also move on to spoiling things for the children too.

Stop him. I can see you aren't ready for the direct approach, but maybe you could take the 'don't be so silly' stance, treat him in the same way you would an unreasonable toddler.

Original poster
BeckyAndTina · 26/12/2016 18:29

Ah, I knew it and mn was right. He's just said he's going to work tomorrow. I said " aha, okay" and am not making sandwiches like I normally would.
What a relief, no tension in the house.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 26/12/2016 18:29

Sounds to me like he was looking for reasons to have a sulk on.

The shop thing could be put down to a misunderstanding but the CD was deliberate.

EstelleRoberts · 26/12/2016 18:31

I would second gamerchick's tactic. I had to do this with my DH, who was prone to blowing up and throwing his weight around if he felt he fancied dominating. When I apologised to keep the peace his behaviour just got worse and worse. Once I decided I wasn't going to tolerate it anymore, told him so, and made it crystal that I was quite prepared to walk if he didn't pipe the fuck down, he changed his ways.

Bogeyface · 26/12/2016 18:31

Are you sure he is going to work?

Just wondering if he was engineering this to give him an excuse to go somewhere tomorrow.....

neveradullmoment99 · 26/12/2016 18:34

I have had this. Best way to deal with it I've found is 1) deep breath 2) cherry smile for kids 3) go do something fun with the kids or fun for just you and ignore ignore ignore.

The more you pander to it the more attention he gets and the more justified he feels.

I have had this too when i was first with my dh. I stopped caring about it. He stopped doing it. Its that simple.
I stopped making dinner. I got on with things, went out, did things, took the kids out.. When he realised it didn't affect me. He stopped. Take that advice.

pictish · 26/12/2016 18:36

He's spoiling for a fight. He's unlikely to let up until he gets one. Horrible behaviour imo.

Original poster
BeckyAndTina · 26/12/2016 18:37

Yes to work. A bit of a workaholic.
Should I confront him and say this is ridiculous behaviour? Or will that show him I care?

OP posts:
StarryIllusion · 26/12/2016 18:39

If it was a one off I would tell him to grow the fuck up and if it was a pattern of behaviour I would tell him to get the fuck out. Sod dealing with that.

Bogeyface · 26/12/2016 18:43

I wouldnt say anything, just ignore him.

Is he likely to miss his packed lunch? If so then that will say far more to him. It will show that a) you dont care what he does and b) that you will not be treated like shit by him and still do nice things for him.

If he mentions it then a "After the way you behaved yesterday?!" with a snort should cover it.

whirlygirly · 26/12/2016 18:45

You could ignore it but having dealt with similar, it doesn't get better. I'd challenge it head on and get shot if you don't get the response you deserve.

You simply can't have a functional adult relationship with someone who behaves like this (in my experience)

Sympathies op.

broodypsycho · 26/12/2016 18:46

Seems like your constantly walking on egg shells with him, its not how it should be. He's over re-acting to everything you doand it seems like you just crawl around him apologising. He's behaviour isn't normal for grown man.
he is either
:unhappy in the relationship and wants out
:to start a fight so he can have time on his own to do something
:or just a complete and utter prat.

Either way, stop apologising. tell him to stop acting like a spoilt child or he can pack his bags.

ChickenVindaloo2 · 26/12/2016 18:54

What's going on with this guy? Is he picking a fight to justify his own bad behaviour.

Anyone suggested he's having an affair yet?! Cos that sprang to my mind.

ThePeoplesChamp · 26/12/2016 18:58

Seriously OP, the fact he is willing to make such a fuss and a subsequent atmosphere in front of your child is just woeful and shows he will stop at nothing (not even making your kids Christmas time miserable) to manipulate and control a situation.

Do as @gamerchick said near the top of the thread and give him the short sharp shock of being told to fuck right off until he can behave...or to just fuck right off full stop.. he needs this or youre going to get this 'punishment' eveytime this moody man-child doesnt get his way or feels in the tiniest bit slighted.

Bogeyface · 26/12/2016 19:01

chicken cross my mind too, which is why I asked the OP if she was sure he was going to work. All he needed was an excuse to storm out and "go to work"......

whirlygirly · 26/12/2016 20:36

Yes. I've been there too. It's the worst as you feel you're going mad. Finding out about ow was actually a relief as it just explained so much weird shit.

Check (discreetly) for odd phone behaviour if you suspect that's what's going on.

Pixel · 26/12/2016 20:38

I don't actually see anything wrong with what you said in the shop. It's only polite to come clean to the staff if you damage something, what else are you supposed to do, just walk out? It doesn't sound as if you were making fun of him, just stating a fact. The fact that you now have to make out it was a 'joking remark' speaks volumes tbh, as if you are used to having to watch what you say.