Dh leaving porn on phone that doc use

[Ihatethedailymail1]

I am really upset and disgusted that he has done this. Our dc regularly play on his phone and I am blue in the face asking him to put some child controls on it as I want to make sure they are not seeing anything inappropriate . They do not use my phone at all. He uses his as a babysitter so he can have peace if he is meant to be looking after them.

Today I picked up his phone after my ds5 was playing minecraft in dhs phone as I have recently downloaded Norton Family which is safer to use and I wanted to install it on his phone. I click on safari, and there is a sex video from Vimeo, of a naked woman. I didn't click on the video but it's porn. I took it to dh and asked him what was it. After him taking the phone and huffing and puffing saying I don't know how it got there it must be a pop up etc, I went ballistic and crying and said I don't care if you are looking at porn, I just want to know if you put it there or has my son found it and looked at it? He lied for a bit and then admitted it was him , like I didn't know that. I have gone mad at him saying it was one click away. I literally clicked on safari and then there is was, legs spread.
I am so angry that he was just, yeah, it won't happen again etc. So apology or sorry, or feeling terrible what his young doc might have seen. I still don't know if they have seen it as I don't know what to ask them. What question do I ask?
He is now blaming it on me as we haven't had sex for a long time as we have gone through a very bad patch, our marriage is very difficult anyway, but where do I go from here. My ds gets into bed with him every morning (separate room due to snoring) and gets his phone. How do I know he won't have been looking at something and my 5 year old then sees it? I am really upset.

[TheNaze73]

Can understand all the frustration & emotion for you both. What he did was dispicable with the porn.
He should have addressed the no sex bit, which is the root cause of this whole issue, rather than expose you & your child to this.

[LynetteScavo]

it's neglectful and can have serious consequences

And therefore a form of abuse. In 2016 I would have hoped all posters on a parenting forum would realise this.

[LynetteScavo]

And yes, do invest in a cheap tablet if that's the only way you can protect your children from being exposed to inappropriate images.

[BeingATinselTwatItsABingThing]

Regardless of the legality of it, just think of the impact viewing porn could have on such young children. Absolutely awful!

[Ihatethedailymail1]

I don't think the kids have seen anything. I think they would have said something. He is now upstairs on his own while I look after the kids. He's emptied the bin without being asked to several times ...

[Ihatethedailymail1]

Yes, that is why i was in tears. Once seen, they cannot Unsee. He doesn't express any concern about this.I hope he is concerned.

[noelheadBandAid]

What a worrying lack of regard for his children's wellbeing, still as long as he got his wank eh

Grim

[Ihatethedailymail1]

Hmm

[Alfiemoon1]

I've had a similar issue with my dh my kids are older and he liked some porn links on twitter so was there for anyone to see and he also has dd teenage friends following him which I didn't think was appropriate

[rumred]

Yuck. What a poor excuse for a parent. He'd be OK speaking to police and social care then if a child talks explicitly about sex at school and they report it? He doesn't mind risking fucking his kids up? What a prince

[QueenOfTheSardines]

He should be absolutely shamefaced and grovelling. The fact he's not, I would have a serious problem with that.

[Ihatethedailymail1]

Thing is queen, he isn't. He is sulking that I have "told him off"about it probably. Where do I go from here?

[QueenOfTheSardines]

Why not properly tell him off then. Seeing as he's upset about being told off anyone.

I'd go mental. I really would. I'd be telling him to put security on it RIGHT NOW and then come back and show me he's done it and what the fuck was he thinking and etc.

But I'm not you and my DH isn't yours.

[QuestionOfPOF]

For those stating it's not abuse, I've C&P'd this from the NSPCC website:

not taking proper measures to prevent a child being exposed to sexual activities by others

It does also say showing pornography to a child

Which isn't the same as them accidentally seeing it on their dad's phone, but that would probably come under not taking proper measures to prevent a child being exposed to sexual activities by others

Full page here

[Ihatethedailymail1]

Thanks to those who have said whether it is abuse or neglect, I think it is ridiculous carelessness, which is terrible. But what do I DO?
Do I say they are not to use his phone anymore which will mean crying from them and me looking mean, or tell him he must put something in place to make sure it never happens again? Obviously I will do this but I just don't know how I can look at him. He will just blame me for his frustration. He never ever accepts he is wrong. I so don't want it to spoil Christmas. We were getting on much better.
I don't even want to think that when we were all downstairs decorating baubles he said he was going upstarts for a nap, but really he was watching that....

[rumred]

Short answer, get rid. He sounds like a poor parent and partner. And you sound like you know it but are willing to put up with it.

Hope you sort this out

[MarjorieSimpson]

Hmm he isn't going to be happy to have some parental controls on it that will stop him from looking at porn whenever he wants.
He also doesn't look like a good parent, both in his insistence to not being careful about the porn, the use of the phone as a babysitter.

So yes I would really demand that the parental control are set up on his phone.
Then I would review the relationships a bit more....

[Ihatethedailymail1]

So, I have said he must out something on his phone so it never happens again and to show me when he has done it. I also found out he didn't download it today, he reckons it was Sunday night. After we went to church and spent the day together doing Christmas things.....
I do think the dc would have told me or showed me if they had seen it so I thank god that they didn't.

[QueenOfTheSardines]

I'd be properly livid. I'm not keen on porn anyway so I'd have further objections.

But yes - what I would do - right now - as you have done. He needs to get child protection on his phone and he needs to show you that he has done it.

The fact he isn't apologising and looking sheepish and saying oh fuck I can't believe what I did is just rubbish. Ask him if he thinks it would have been a problem if DS had seen it. If so, why isn't he sorry? If not, what the fuck is he completely mad? etc

Marjorie there is usually a password to over-ride the protection so he can't complain about it that way!

[SingingSeal]

First of all OP I really believe if your children saw something accidentally, they would say absolutely nothing. They would be too shocked at that age and would find it hard to find the words.

I have to say I don't know why parents give children their phones as a distraction. And then cry or moan when they delete something or see something they shouldn't!

But I think its unspeakably neglectful and careless and gross to give a child a phone that has this kind of content on it.

Why does he even feel the need to have porn photos on his phone? He sounds chauvenistic, immature and sexually incontinent. Really shitty behaviour. And I'd be livid. In the short term tell him never to give the kids his phone again whatever begging they do. If he ignores and/or disrespects your views on this that says alot IMO.

[DeleteOrDecay]

That is awful, I would be livid too. Seeing that sort of thing can stay with a child and potentially cause life long issues.

I'm not a fan of porn anyway, but regardless - it's not difficult to cover his tracks afterwards. It's pure laziness and disregard for your dc's well being. He should be apologising.

The skulking off during family time for a quick wank seems off too, priorities?

[Isetan]

You're married to a child and the first thing you must do is accept that this is who he is and second, prioritise your children by putting plans in place to reduce the chance of this happening again.

[OneADayAndThenWhat]

Do I say they are not to use his phone anymore which will mean crying from them and me looking mean

Of course you tell them not to ever use your DH's phone. I think worrying about looking mean is the last of your worries.

[Adora10]

And no OP they would not tell you if they have seen Porn, I don't believe they would, it's things like this that kids DO NOT admit to seeing for fear of getting into trouble.

He's disgusting, do not let them near his phone, I don't care how much they cry fgs!

[Ihatethedailymail1]

I'm not saying I wouldn't do it for fear of looking mean, I am saying its typical that I will end looking like the baddie. I don't know what kind of question to ask.