Dh leaving porn on phone that doc use

[Ihatethedailymail1]

I am really upset and disgusted that he has done this. Our dc regularly play on his phone and I am blue in the face asking him to put some child controls on it as I want to make sure they are not seeing anything inappropriate . They do not use my phone at all. He uses his as a babysitter so he can have peace if he is meant to be looking after them.

Today I picked up his phone after my ds5 was playing minecraft in dhs phone as I have recently downloaded Norton Family which is safer to use and I wanted to install it on his phone. I click on safari, and there is a sex video from Vimeo, of a naked woman. I didn't click on the video but it's porn. I took it to dh and asked him what was it. After him taking the phone and huffing and puffing saying I don't know how it got there it must be a pop up etc, I went ballistic and crying and said I don't care if you are looking at porn, I just want to know if you put it there or has my son found it and looked at it? He lied for a bit and then admitted it was him , like I didn't know that. I have gone mad at him saying it was one click away. I literally clicked on safari and then there is was, legs spread.
I am so angry that he was just, yeah, it won't happen again etc. So apology or sorry, or feeling terrible what his young doc might have seen. I still don't know if they have seen it as I don't know what to ask them. What question do I ask?
He is now blaming it on me as we haven't had sex for a long time as we have gone through a very bad patch, our marriage is very difficult anyway, but where do I go from here. My ds gets into bed with him every morning (separate room due to snoring) and gets his phone. How do I know he won't have been looking at something and my 5 year old then sees it? I am really upset.

[OneADayAndThenWhat]

I can't believe how much some people don't seem to really care about children seeing porn

I think there are a hell of a lot of parents who think they are responsible but who don't have any form of parental controls set up on their kids online devices and phones. It doesn't matter what age children are they should be protected from accidently or purposely seeing porn. If they only saw normal people having sex then it wouldn't be half so bad but unfortuanately there are far, far more disturbing and disgusting images and videos out there such as 'beheading' videos. I'd find those incredibly disturbing as an adult and I can't imagine what effect they would have had on me if I had seen them as a child.

[CalleighDoodle]

Honestly op why are you still married to him? Not just this issue, but how youve described your marriage and him in general.

[ageingrunner]

I can't believe how much some people don't seem to really care about children seeing porn 😳

[AnyFucker]

It's not an accident though is it

It's accidentally on purpose

[heron98]

It's not ideal, no. But I don't think a kid accidentally seeing a porn video is child abuse. I

[Spice22]

Op, maybe get them the cheap tablet as a gift for Christmas ? That way they can be entertained and your DH maintains his free access to his phone - win,win.

Also - would a 5 year old understand what is happening in a porn video? (Genuinely asking, just can't imagine them understanding it enough to be traumatised or even care).

Also, watching porn doesn't mean a lack of respect for women

[AnyFucker]

The outcome is the same though

It's still on his phone, that he knows his kids use

[Ihatethedailymail1]

He didn't save it. It Seems it was the last thing he looked at and he didn't delete it or look at anything else afterwards. Not that it makes much difference.

[AnyFucker]

Why does he even need to "save" porn on his phone?. He does realise that if he can't live without wanking to filmed sexual abuse, there are things such as live streaming sites, yes ? It's not like the internet isn't chock full of it just a couple of clicks away, it it ?

He'a winding you up. By dicing with letting his kids see porn.

What does that say about him ?

[SingingSeal]

Look, you really don't need to explain that there is adult content on a phone to children. Or some "bad stuff" that you don't want them to see! I mean thats just scary in itself, for goodness sake!

Just say no, Daddy's phone breaks easily and he might lose some important work information. And leave it at that!

He, however, needs to comply with this, as well as putting locks on his phone or whatever is necessary. Somebody needs to be the adult in this family!

Regardless, I'd find it creepy being with a man who needed to carry round porn on his phone. I'm just so bloody glad I'm single if this is what passes for manhood and fatherhood out there.

[Adora10]

and I am blue in the face asking him to put some child controls on it as I want to make sure they are not seeing anything inappropriate

Please don't risk it again, you know he's totally irresponsible, I'd guess they've seen stuff already OP.

Looks like it's down to you once again to do the parenting.

[Ihatethedailymail1]

I am making sure. They have it had it today and I have just had to explain to them both in tears that daddy has something on his phone that it would not be nice for them to see and they both cried and called me meanie. I obviously am not giving in and they will not have it again until I am sure that it is safe.
It just grates that I am called meanie .

[Adora10]

OP, I don't really understand why you are finding it difficult to just ensure they never get their hands on his phone, you know he can't be trusted to do that, so what if you look like a baddie for half an hour, I'd rather that than have traumatised children.

[Ihatethedailymail1]

I believe he has told them that today. I did ask him to show me that he has put an app on that disables most of the phone but he hasn't done that yet.

[Adora10]

Tell them they can't have dad's phone because there's too much adult content on it! Do you not think he should be telling them or is he still in a huff with you, jeezo.

[Ihatethedailymail1]

I'm not saying I wouldn't do it for fear of looking mean, I am saying its typical that I will end looking like the baddie. I don't know what kind of question to ask.

[Adora10]

And no OP they would not tell you if they have seen Porn, I don't believe they would, it's things like this that kids DO NOT admit to seeing for fear of getting into trouble.

He's disgusting, do not let them near his phone, I don't care how much they cry fgs!

[OneADayAndThenWhat]

Do I say they are not to use his phone anymore which will mean crying from them and me looking mean

Of course you tell them not to ever use your DH's phone. I think worrying about looking mean is the last of your worries.

[Isetan]

You're married to a child and the first thing you must do is accept that this is who he is and second, prioritise your children by putting plans in place to reduce the chance of this happening again.

[DeleteOrDecay]

That is awful, I would be livid too. Seeing that sort of thing can stay with a child and potentially cause life long issues.

I'm not a fan of porn anyway, but regardless - it's not difficult to cover his tracks afterwards. It's pure laziness and disregard for your dc's well being. He should be apologising.

The skulking off during family time for a quick wank seems off too, priorities?

[SingingSeal]

First of all OP I really believe if your children saw something accidentally, they would say absolutely nothing. They would be too shocked at that age and would find it hard to find the words.

I have to say I don't know why parents give children their phones as a distraction. And then cry or moan when they delete something or see something they shouldn't!

But I think its unspeakably neglectful and careless and gross to give a child a phone that has this kind of content on it.

Why does he even feel the need to have porn photos on his phone? He sounds chauvenistic, immature and sexually incontinent. Really shitty behaviour. And I'd be livid. In the short term tell him never to give the kids his phone again whatever begging they do. If he ignores and/or disrespects your views on this that says alot IMO.

[QueenOfTheSardines]

I'd be properly livid. I'm not keen on porn anyway so I'd have further objections.

But yes - what I would do - right now - as you have done. He needs to get child protection on his phone and he needs to show you that he has done it.

The fact he isn't apologising and looking sheepish and saying oh fuck I can't believe what I did is just rubbish. Ask him if he thinks it would have been a problem if DS had seen it. If so, why isn't he sorry? If not, what the fuck is he completely mad? etc

Marjorie there is usually a password to over-ride the protection so he can't complain about it that way!

[Ihatethedailymail1]

So, I have said he must out something on his phone so it never happens again and to show me when he has done it. I also found out he didn't download it today, he reckons it was Sunday night. After we went to church and spent the day together doing Christmas things.....
I do think the dc would have told me or showed me if they had seen it so I thank god that they didn't.

[MarjorieSimpson]

Hmm he isn't going to be happy to have some parental controls on it that will stop him from looking at porn whenever he wants.
He also doesn't look like a good parent, both in his insistence to not being careful about the porn, the use of the phone as a babysitter.

So yes I would really demand that the parental control are set up on his phone.
Then I would review the relationships a bit more....

[rumred]

Short answer, get rid. He sounds like a poor parent and partner. And you sound like you know it but are willing to put up with it.

Hope you sort this out