I want kids, he doesn't

[Awful]

Hi everyone.

I've just turned 30 this June and got engaged. I'm at a point in my life where I am thinking seriously about having children and discussed this with my partner of just under 9 years for a number of years.

He has always said he didn't want children but has wavered in between with statements like "I don't know how I'll feel in the future" which was apparently enough for me to cling onto.

We've just had a very serious talk about it in which he broke down into tears saying he didn't want children and doesn't want to break up. Now I'm completely stuck, I feel like I can't leave as we have a home together, have been together for such a long time and actually work together. I don't want to be the bad person but I don't want to resent him when it's too late for me.

Should I give up on children as I have also flip-flopped on the whole children issue too? My brother has recently had a baby and I have hoped that might tip the scales in my favour with my partner as he has grown quite attached to her.

Thanks for any advice you might have.

Sorry to add to the pile of cautionary tales, OP. My ex was like this - I wasted my thirties on him. Didn't want children, didn't believe in marriage. Miraculously I managed to go it alone in my forties and now have a wonderful DS - but I missed out on the chance to do it the conventional way with a partner who loved me, and being a single parent is bloody hard work (even if I wouldn't be without DS for anything!) He of course married the woman he started seeing after I left him - much younger - and, surprise surprise, had a child with her within a couple of years.

Sounds so familiar M0stly. I was with my ex throughout my 30s. I said from the start I wanted marriage and children. He hmmed and ahhed which made me waiver. Just before he left I had investigations re my fertility as I was keen to get started. He left me to allegedly be alone. Turns out there was an OW 6 years younger than him (he was 40 at the time). She was already married with two young children. He moved in with her a few months after leaving me. Is there somethinh wrong with us or them?

Them, city, them! (Well, actually, I will hold my hands up and say I was bloody stupid to stay as long as I did, because on an intellectual level I knew he was full of crap and fundamentally self-centred, but "I leurved him").

A story from the other side. In our 20s, DP was sure he wanted kids, I was still making up my mind. He said fine, but he wouldn't want to get a mortgage or married until I was sure.

I got sure, we are now married with kids. I have no doubt we would have finished if I hadn't, even though we Were happy and great together.

This guy is sure. He's just sure the wrong way for you, sadly.

One more saying this is a deal breaker. It will be better for both of you in the long run to be with people who want the same thing as you on this crucial issue. You've been together since you were very young, so I don't think you could necessarily have known this might happen - but it has happened now. Don't put your head in the sand. He's not the only possible partner for you and you can have both children and a compatible partner, but you have to be prepared to look further afield.

Total deal breaker. You can't get past this. Also as a pp said - he doesn't want to break up? He can only decide what he wants, the rest is consequences.