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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

i've just kicked dp out and could do with someone to talk to :(

114 replies

PinkTulips · 18/02/2007 20:15

Sad
OP posts:
ishouldbeironing · 18/02/2007 20:48

My DH is from west coast of Ireland and I shudder each time I go there and see how some men are treated as if they are made from cut glass - he will survive

SherlockLGJ · 18/02/2007 20:49

He thinks because he is living the Whest, it is a bit more hippyish, so hey F**K it, I will chilllllllllllllllllllll.

No, get off your lazy arse and get a job.

Original poster
PinkTulips · 18/02/2007 20:50

i know he's depressed and i've accomodated that as best i can but for fucks sake i'm bloody depressed too! i need a break, i just need him to see what it's like from my side of the fence.

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkTulips · 18/02/2007 20:50

i know he's depressed and i've accomodated that as best i can but for fucks sake i'm bloody depressed too! i need a break, i just need him to see what it's like from my side of the fence.

OP posts:
ishouldbeironing · 18/02/2007 20:53

Then you need to take a stand and do what is best for you - not him - he is big and tough and strong he will survive

SherlockLGJ · 18/02/2007 20:54

He is depressed, not DEPRESSED

Can you see the difference ??

Do you need to think about shifting closer to Dublin, without actually going in that far. I know it would be a huge shift.

But TBH the Celtic Tiger has hit Galway, has it just stepped over your DH.?

mytwopenceworth · 18/02/2007 20:54

maybe this will be the wake up call he needs to get some help and to make changes. but. if you back down without that, you are giving him permission to continue just the way he is and if in the future you say you have had enough, he will not take you seriously. so be strong. i hope it all works out for you. xx

Original poster
PinkTulips · 18/02/2007 20:54

but he is a good dad. (as long as they don't need clean clothes or food) dd adores him, she'll aske for him the second she gets up tomorrow.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 18/02/2007 20:54

PT - one less child to take care of, and a lippy gobshite at that.

You are well shot. Well done for being strong thus far.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 18/02/2007 20:55

He's not that good a dad if he cant set them an example or treat you nicely in front of them.

Harsh, but true.

Original poster
PinkTulips · 18/02/2007 20:56

o god, i've become one of those women i hate.

i fucking texted him.

if he goes down to carrick he seriously will not come back and dd won't have a dad.

i'll let him kip on the couch til he sorts out somewhere to stay up here

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkTulips · 18/02/2007 20:57

i can't deny my kids their dad.... he might be a shit to me but he's not to them and i'll never forgive myself if they never see him.

shouldn't be too hard for him to find a cheap place up here

OP posts:
SherlockLGJ · 18/02/2007 20:58

she'll aske for him the second she gets up tomorrow.

Tell her he has gone for an interview........

He is not a good all round Dad, he does not do food, he does not do clothes, what does he do ??. A bit of anarchic interaction ??

gothicmama · 18/02/2007 21:00

he is to them too but not in obvious way he does not provide for them, he does not feed or clothe them, and he disrespects their mum, he lets dd think it will be ok for a bloke to treat her like that and for ds to behave like this, stay strong

ishouldbeironing · 18/02/2007 21:00

Re your previous message if he doesnt do food or clean clothes or work to provide for them - what does he do??
Why is he such a good dad?

Original poster
PinkTulips · 18/02/2007 21:01

he adores her.... she makes him carry her around the house all day and worchips him..... o fuck i hate myself for wanting to give in but i just wish there was some way to work this out.

why won't he just go to the fucking gp?!

OP posts:
ishouldbeironing · 18/02/2007 21:01

Lokks like we are all saying the same thing

SherlockLGJ · 18/02/2007 21:02

Ok I am out of here.

The fucking mighty man.

If he goes to Tipp and fails to come back, it is because he does not give a flying fuck about you or your children.

If he goes to Tipp and they allow him to stay anymore than 48 hours they do not give a fuck about you and your children.

THIS goes deeper than this stand off.... I truly hope you sort it out.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 18/02/2007 21:02

If they dont see their dad, it wont be your fault. It'll be his.

You cant be responsible for him and his actions (or lack of action).

Original poster
PinkTulips · 18/02/2007 21:02

i don't know...... when i read that back even i'm disgusted at myself and screaming 'your well shot' at the scream but something inside of me can't cope with it being over.... can't cope with the thought of dd asking where daddy is day in and day out

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkTulips · 18/02/2007 21:04

o god i sound pathetic.... you're all right. i'm better off without him but i'm not sure the kis are. he might not do much but he does more than if i was on my own iykwim....

OP posts:
gothicmama · 18/02/2007 21:06

kids adjust and adapt to new situations it is a question of how you cope if mummy is happy and givingthemlove and attention then it will make it easier for them

ishouldbeironing · 18/02/2007 21:07

It doesnt say much for him if he loses all contact with his kids just because your relationship is over. Surely being a dad means more to him

gothicmama · 18/02/2007 21:07

PT it is far easier to write advice than to follow it even if you agree you have emotions and feelings all tied up in this

tribpot · 18/02/2007 21:08

Fast forward 10 years (or 20) - she'll be less forgiving of the fact that she learnt to be a victim from you (Sorry to be brutal).

If he's any kind of dad, he can stay near enough to see his kids if he chooses to.