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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

i've just kicked dp out and could do with someone to talk to :(

114 replies

PinkTulips · 18/02/2007 20:15

Sad
OP posts:
Snowboo · 18/02/2007 20:30

So was he shocked that you told him to go? Or was he being a typical bloke and being macho about it???? Men. Why are they such hard work?

Make sure you take it easy babe.

PeachyClair · 18/02/2007 20:30

Oh PT

If he's screeching at you infront kids and name calling- you don't want them growing up thinking that's OK do you?

Any cahnce Relate could help?

lulumama · 18/02/2007 20:30

oh dear

poor you

is he literally just lying in bed though ? is he poorly or lazy or depressed

either way, it is not good for you or the kids

Original poster
PinkTulips · 18/02/2007 20:30

he's never gotton out the door without me backing down before..... he refused to leave at first, then just packed his stuff and said he'd be back wed to sort the dole.

lord knows where he's gone, don't think he has any money and he's got no mates house to go to

OP posts:
Snowboo · 18/02/2007 20:32

I know it'll be hard but maybe ths is the shock he needs. He needs to realise how far he has pushed you this time.

ishouldbeironing · 18/02/2007 20:32

I take it then that you have no family near by

Original poster
PinkTulips · 18/02/2007 20:32

he just refuses to get up...... i try and make him and he just lies there and looks at me with that shut the fuck up bitch look.

we don't have relate here but he wouldn't go anyway.

he thinks he's justified, he always does. it's always me that backs down first

OP posts:
gothicmama · 18/02/2007 20:32

mak esure you help him to sort it to make sure it is all fair and above board for you.
Stay Strong hard I know but don't wory about him cocetrate n you and the kids if he is depressed this may beteh rock bottom he needs to seek help

issyissyissy · 18/02/2007 20:33

Love to you.
Sounds like he needs to see his dr. You said he was on meds before? How long ago was that? Perhaps he needs more help. He sounds very unhappy and for some reason is taking it out on you.
But I do think that whatever is the matter with him, you also need to look after yourself and the kids. Put yourself first otherwise you wont be able to look after him anyway.
Has he always been like this with you? If he is calling you names in front of the kids, depressed or not that is no way to behave.

Original poster
PinkTulips · 18/02/2007 20:33

no family.... his are down in tipperary, 4 hours drive.... he might go there but doubt theres enough petrol in the car

i want to text and say sleep on the couch

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkTulips · 18/02/2007 20:34

ds crying, brb

OP posts:
dressedupnowheretogo · 18/02/2007 20:34

puink msn me now

gothicmama · 18/02/2007 20:34

hang fire let him make the first move,

lulumama · 18/02/2007 20:35

bless you

well, when you have 2 kids to take care of , lying in bed is not an option, if he is depressed and won;t get help, you cannot make him..you need to do what is best for you and the children. not easy

ishouldbeironing · 18/02/2007 20:36

Dont text him - just make sure that you and the kids are settled for the night and wait.
He needs to see the effect his behaviour is having on the family .
I know that it is hard but let him come to you

PeachyClair · 18/02/2007 20:37

Have to agree with Lulu- he needs to snap out of it, at least to the extent he gets help. I know thats not hard (had to drag my DH to GP), but needs to be done.

More concerened about your phrase 'that fuck off bitch look' than him being in bed- He shouldn't HAVE that look for you to rcognise it!

dressedupnowheretogo · 18/02/2007 20:38

pink oh chcick i hope you are ok babe

im here if you need me

Original poster
PinkTulips · 18/02/2007 20:41

i asked him why he took ADs before and he said 'coz something needed to change' so obviously he doesn't think there's a prob.

if i don't text and he goes back home he'll never come back.

he's stubborn enough to give up on his family because he thinks he's right

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkTulips · 18/02/2007 20:42

and ds is choosing tonight of all nights to be unsettled.... typical

OP posts:
ishouldbeironing · 18/02/2007 20:42

Of course he will come back he has too much to lose

tribpot · 18/02/2007 20:42

Don't text him. One night sleeping in the car, even if it's outside the house, won't kill him. You need to make a stand about how his behaviour undermines you as a partner, a mother, and a person.

SherlockLGJ · 18/02/2007 20:43

PT

Do not back down, give him enough money to Fk off to Tipp.

If he was still in Tipp, he would either have a job or be working on a family farm.

Granted he sounds depressed, but he is managing to do that lazy Irish fucker bollox shite very very well.

Original poster
PinkTulips · 18/02/2007 20:45

thanks LGJ.... you know exactly the type i mean.

the only job interviews he;'s gone on in 2 years are ones i applied for forr him

OP posts:
SherlockLGJ · 18/02/2007 20:47

So in all honesty, he adds what to your life.?

lulumama · 18/02/2007 20:47

eeeeeeeeeeeekkkk! at the job interviews!!

PT- do you want him as a DP?