Idealise, devalue, discard - anyone had experience of this? I think I have.

[JudithTaverner]

I'm trying to make sense of being dumped pretty much out of the blue by someone who only last week was proclaiming undying love and planning to move in with me.

Stupidly I took him back after he dumped me a few months ago - came back to me sobbing asking if I'd take him back and I stupidly believed all of his promises. Both times he's gone back to a previous girlfriend, who he's broken up with in a similar way at least 5 times over the last few years. I thought from his vitriolic stories about her that she was nothing.

Anyway, they're irrelevant to me, but I'm struggling with the shock of the sudden dumping, the complete lack of communication and the complete switch from love to hate pretty much over night.

I've gone NC, but he lives near me and I dread bumping into him. I'm a nervous wreck every time I go to my local shops. How quickly will this get better?

He sounds v narcissistic. He gets to treat two women disgracefully but you're not allowed your own reaction to that.

Someone labelled my Ex as having narcissistic tendencies but I was reluctant to run with it because 'understanding' who he supposedly was, wasn't the question. Why I put up with his crap was the question and the more energy I put into answering that question, the more likely I would get an answer which would benefit me longer term.

The truth of the matter OP, there were enough red flags with this guy that should have set your spidey senses off big time but instead, you chose to ignore them and embrace the bullshit. Understanding him won't help you to understand why you played your part in this dysfunctional relationship dynamic.

Move forward by accepting that this is who he was and avoid similar arse holes in the future, by understanding who you are.

I absotutely agree with you Isetan. it's not about him it's about me.

He's an arsehole, but that's not the learning from this at all. I absolutely hope to learn and grow from this experience.

(and yes, Mercury, he treats both of us like absolute shit. Her for several years. I' ve got off lightly in comparison.)

OH, God.

I was to meet my chap (for first time in 25 years) a few weeks ago.
He bailed.
then we arranged to meet in London (he was to help on a trip which I cant do solo due to health issues. I booked it all and paid for it).
He left it 'open' on Sun. So I texted and emailed to make sure).
Got a very reluctant yes lunchtime today. Felt really happy.
Then tonight got the delayed text from yday saying he would 'but only out of pity'.
I am mortified. Cant stop crying. Bloody hell.
Also got a text from a month ago (it must have resent) saying how much he loved me, wanted me etc.
God is playing a joke on me.

I'm afraid he is, silk. Not god, he's being a shit.