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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Idealise, devalue, discard - anyone had experience of this? I think I have.

105 replies

JudithTaverner · 12/12/2016 06:41

I'm trying to make sense of being dumped pretty much out of the blue by someone who only last week was proclaiming undying love and planning to move in with me.

Stupidly I took him back after he dumped me a few months ago - came back to me sobbing asking if I'd take him back and I stupidly believed all of his promises. Both times he's gone back to a previous girlfriend, who he's broken up with in a similar way at least 5 times over the last few years. I thought from his vitriolic stories about her that she was nothing.

Anyway, they're irrelevant to me, but I'm struggling with the shock of the sudden dumping, the complete lack of communication and the complete switch from love to hate pretty much over night.

I've gone NC, but he lives near me and I dread bumping into him. I'm a nervous wreck every time I go to my local shops. How quickly will this get better?

OP posts:
Greypaw · 16/12/2016 10:54

I did come to the conclusion that ultimately a diagnosis (formal or armchair) really didn't matter. It was all beside the point. The fact is that he displayed those characteristics and that behaviour, and therefore the effect on me was surely the same/similar.

As I said, I saw BPD characteristics in him. I recognised the characteristics only because I'd briefly dated someone in my 20s who had been diagnosed formally with BPD, and some of my ex's behaviours were so similar. Obviously that doesn't mean he had a PD, but like I said, it felt similar. The way his behaviour made me feel was familiar.

Not long after I noticed he had these similar traits, he attempted suicide and as I sat with him in A&E, two psychiatrists interviewed him with me there and were asking him questions that clearly suggested they were thinking along those lines (again, doesn't mean a diagnosis, but they obviously clocked the behaviours). I split up with him soon after so I don't know what transpired in the long-run, but after the psychiatrists had seen him he was referred for DBT counselling. My own psychologist, when I went to her for help in processing the trauma of the relationship, agreed that he "ticked a lot of the boxes" and that from our interactions she commented that she saw some "quite narcissistic" behaviour too.

Again, none of this is a diagnosis and I'm quite prepared to accept he was just a really difficult individual, but the point is that the diagnosis really doesn't matter. If his behaviour was so much like that of a disordered individual that not only me but several MHPs saw the same kinds of behaviours, then the effect on me would surely have been the same as if he did have that PD. And so finding out how I could heal from a relationship with someone who had a PD would surely put me on the right track. My psychologist suggested I read a book that she often recommended to people who had grown up with a BPD parent, as she said it contained a lot of information to help move on from that kind of relationship.

I think this was key, in fact. I wasn't hand-wringing, trying to analyse his behaviour and figure out if he had a PD or not. I mean, I had certainly done that in the past, but when I split up with him I stopped doing that. Instead I started just finding resources that were aimed at people who had been in relationships with disordered individuals, and work out how best to move on. In other words, I shifted focus from him onto me. I think it was the focussing on (and working on) myself that made the biggest difference, but I wouldn't have found those resources if I hadn't taken the possibility of a personality disorder into consideration.

JudithTaverner · 16/12/2016 10:58

greypaw again you're pretty spot on as far as my relationship goes too. My ex also displayed a lot of the signs and my psychotherapist also pointed them out to me. Ultimately it doesn't matter unless it would help me to recover?

Can you remember the name of the book?

OP posts:
Thisjustinno · 16/12/2016 11:01

Keeping - The MOJ estimate that almost 50% of the UK prison population would fulfil the diagnostic criteria for ASPD if appropriately assessed.

Suburbopolis · 16/12/2016 12:54

Was it Running on Empty?

Greypaw · 16/12/2016 13:12

I think it was called Surviving a Borderline Parent, which obv is coming from a different angle and with discusses some differen issues, but according to my psych had some good information to help you contextualise things and move forwards.

The other book I found helpful was called "Stop caretaking the borderline or naricssist" which wasn't recommended by her, but was a good reality check as to how life could have been like had the relationship continued. A good "bullet dodging" reminder.

likeaZombie · 16/12/2016 16:13

I actually do think it matters if someone is disordered or just a cunt. I've had experience or both types and the disordered do a lot more damage than the garden variety bastards.
For me learning about the disorder, how they manipulate the patterns they work in etc, I don't see as ruminating, I see it as good healing work that will protect me from these monsters in the future. That is a part of my recovery, to be able to say to myself 'never again'. For me to know it's him and not me, has helped me.

JudithTaverner · 16/12/2016 17:19

I think it's me and him actually. He only picks vulnerable people (or perhaps those are the only people that fall for him). I am definitely in a vulnerable situation, out of an abusive marriage and also growing up with an NPD parent.

I can only change myself though and it's myself I'm going to be working on.

I've ordered those books and am throwing myself into Christmas, family, children, friends and exercise. (and a bit of alcohol too).

What's the best way to recover from this, the most quickly?

OP posts:
Greypaw · 16/12/2016 17:54

Ah, yes, NPD parent here too, and the conclusion from my therapy was that it wasn't so much a case that I attracted people like him, but that his kind of behaviour simply felt normal to me. So his other partners would exit the relationship more quickly (maybe at the first sign of love-bombing), whilst it took more extreme behaviour for me to start feeling uncomfortable.

As for the best way to recover from this, I have no idea. Counselling helped, outside activities helped, and time helped.

SeaEagleFeather · 16/12/2016 17:57

He only picks vulnerable people (or perhaps those are the only people that fall for him).

Maybe the others, less vulnerable, give him the brush-off quicker. You were primed and prepared for him, or someone like this.

Quickest way to recover? Acknowledge that the pain is about YOUR deepest needs not about him, when it hits; they are really really good at picking at those fundamental uncertainties and lack of confidence, which is something everyone has but vulnerable people are more sensitive to. When you acknowledge that his behaviour is shit, actually malicious, but that the needs that hurt so much are your own, it takes some of the power away from him.

Friends, true solid thick-and-thin friends are great.

Exercise is also great. Something new, perhaps a new hobby, too? Focussing on learning something helps absorb your attention.

Yes, a bit of alcohol :) Not too much, but some is great!

Routine.

Not dwelling on him himself, but acknowledging the pain he activated and giving it a 'place' in your life-experience. You can't discard it safely, or you'll be at risk of falling for someone who presses the same buttons. But you can give it a place, and then go on and look forward.

Time. Sorry, no way to shorten the recovery beyond a certain point.

Greypaw · 16/12/2016 18:13

Love that post, thank you SeaEagleFeather.

JudithTaverner · 16/12/2016 18:28

Greypaw, yes my counsellor thought that I just am not good at setting boundaries because my own needs were ignored for so long (so or something like that). I think she has a point when I think of some of his rules for our relationship.

Thanks for the tips seaeaglefeather - have you gone through this too?

I'm looking at a cycling trip for February.

Will push my running further in 2017 (perhaps a marathon!?) and will complete my masters (put off for a couple of years).

Can't think of a new hobby or project but will put my mind to it.

I also need a new job at some stage soon.

the children need my attention at the moment a lot too.

Dating is on the back burner for a few months.

I'm really missing him now Sad

OP posts:
SeaEagleFeather · 16/12/2016 18:30

Thanks. It's mutual; your post on the first page was excellent

SeaEagleFeather · 16/12/2016 18:35

Yes, I have Judith. I was set up for it by a highly difficult adolescence and have fallen for shits more than once. I've had extensive and sometimes brutal therapy and it gave me a great deal of insight.

It didn't stop me being attracted to wronguns, but it did mean that I had insight into what was going on. I could acknowledge my own part in the attraction and by going through the (pretty damn extreme sometimes) pain, I could learn to give it it's place. Slowly my taste in men improved =)

I'm married to a decent man now. Relationship isn't perfect but it's good and we're building something solid. It doesn't have the adrenaline highs and lows but it's so, so, so much more real. Also, I don't feel always as close, as understood as with the games-playing men, but I came to understand that actually that was an illusion and you can't ever be fully understood. Just 90%. And that's enough =)

SilkThreads · 23/12/2016 17:40

I am missing mine too :(

I have a trip to do in Jan, I realised due to my physical limitations I cant do it at the other end without help. Guess who offered and now has gone quiet about it? So, he will 'dangle' it over Xmas and never turn up, I expect.

Cue me reading back through the 40+ emails declaring undying love (over the last 2 months and him being silent).

I know he is disordered. He has told me so, and I know it to be fact.
I know that my past makes me a target for people like him (as I was when we 1st met and I was 20 and he was 42).

But, no one else makes me feel like he does, and I MISS him.

Sorry, OP, this is not helpful I know. I have been in touch with my old counsellor and she is reminding me that this is about my needs and that further contact with him will just make it harder and more protracted.
I know she is right. It is going to be a long road!

JudithTaverner · 23/12/2016 19:19

Yes, it will make it worse Silk as I have found out to my cost today.

No contact the only way forward. read the other messages about dopamine /adrenaline highs. I think they are spot on.

It's hard, but I think it's the way in the long run. Day 1 for me again tomorrow and moving forward.

No drama/kindness is better than constant excitement/pain. It really is. Post on here or write in a diary instead.

OP posts:
SilkThreads · 23/12/2016 19:34

did you have contact today then, Judith?

JudithTaverner · 23/12/2016 19:40

yes a stupid email exchange which didn't help me at all. I realised that nothing except no contact helps - I was feeling much better.

Oh well. tomorrow's another day. (I need to be careful, he's seen my messages on here - hello B, stop stalking me. This is about me, not you.), and a fresh start. I'm glad it's the end of year too, it makes it easier to start again next year.

No Contact remember! It's the only way.

OP posts:
SilkThreads · 23/12/2016 20:29

oh, sorry its left you feeling worse.

Yes, a New Year.

Hope Xmas is okay for you and that we can both be strong enough to resist.

If your B is here, and my j is here, then wish us well and leave us be.

Thanks
ferriswheel · 23/12/2016 21:30

Marking my place...Sad

SeaEagleFeather · 23/12/2016 22:51

He found you here and is commenting? presumably saying that he's not like this really, no no, give him a chance?

Run, woman, run. And read this thread very carefully again.

games players hate people getting away. They have to be the leavers, not the left. Keep your feet on the ground.

Angleshades · 23/12/2016 23:01

Sorry you're going through this Judith. What on earth is he trying to achieve? Some men are soooo screwed up. Your ex sounds like one of them. Make sure he stays just that - an ex.

SilkThreads · 24/12/2016 08:21

How can he find you on here? does he have your password etc?
I'd change it straight away.

JudithTaverner · 24/12/2016 08:51

no, he knew I posted on here and found me. It's been my safe place for 13 years. He's v angry - thinks I'm lying about him and has called my posts defamatory and harrassment. But I don't see how I can be being defamatory if I've just posted things that actually happened and my opinion.

Mostly I spent the time (under another name) just gushing about how wonderful he was, so I don't know why he's annoyed. Plus his gf trolled me on here and posted the worst stuff about him (when he was with me) that was far more identifying and horrible.

I should leave this thread because I don't want them trolling me or sending me messages. I hate that they've made this place (where I've been posting for 13 years) unsafe for me now.

Anyway, I've name changed for other posts now, and will probably let this drop soon.

ferriswheel sorry you've been through this too.

Feeling better today and on the plus side I'm very thin now!

OP posts:
SilkThreads · 24/12/2016 10:12

wow.
so sorry.
'defamatory and harrassment'. Pah!
don't let him take MN away from you!

name change / password change and keep posting.
Merry Christmas.x

SeaEagleFeather · 24/12/2016 10:28

Take care, judith.