affairs, lies ,sex,attention (me not him)

[falling2pieces69]

This will sound mad but I am a long term member of here ,not a troll
I am currently having two affairs and possibly about to embark on a third , I'm married with kids as are they, they both profess to love me but I know deep down its just a regular shag
I'm addicted to the excitement of it and a lot of the time feel happier than I ever have, lost loads of weight and just love the attention and the texting
But, I know I'm being used and find it impossible to stop, I absolutely know it's wrong and I'm an awfull person I don't low why I felt so high and happy with it
I honestly feel like I've taken leave of my senses but can't stop
The sex isn't even very good, never had an orgasm with any of them
I need help desperately

You said it right there, you need help. Why not book yourself some counselling to berter undersatnd this destructive behaviour.

Yes you need help. And you are using them, and your DH as much as they are using you.

Do you want to continue with your marriage?

Just think what you could do if you could reclaim this time you are wasting!

An addiction is an addiction, full stop. Whether it is drugs, alcohol, gambling, shop-lifting, food, sex etc.

But just think how you could turn your life around if you knew how to use that free time for you. Time is the most precious gift we have.

Yes I want to continue with my marriage, I'm not sure how I could turn my life around with the free time, I'd just be spending it doing housework and being stuck in
It the attention and the talking I like more than the sex
Dh is lovely and has done nothing wrong , we're just like friends though and have no sexual relationship, I don't know how to get back to a proper relationship with him where we are attracted to each other and want sex, I know he does want it but I don't have sort of romantic feelings for him, I don't seem to have any feelings for anything at all

Counselling sounds like a great suggestion but also perhaps get a job or do something that will give you more self esteem and value! Sounds like the only value you apply to yourself is to do with your looks and sex right now. And set the poor sod free if you can't re-engage.

How old when you met DH, then had kids and how old are you now?

How old are you? I think you sound bored/depressed and using sex as a very unhealthy way to get a different life

I think you need to acknowledge you are in a destructive cycle like any addiction.

I feel for your husband who doesn't deserve this.

Sounds like counselling would really benefit you. You've made the first step in admitting that you have a problem & want to improve your life. I think everyone should have counselling but you are risking a lot on several fronts here, fallout could be massive whatever way it goes so help yourself better prepare by talking to a professional

Wow if this was a man posting he would be getting slated....
Hope your poor husband finds a decent woman who won't shag about.
God know what Sti you might of gave him

The tone of this thread isn't surprising at all, two affairs down and likely a third on the way and it's all understanding and offering up excuses.

A male poster would invariably receive a totally different response.

I'm almost fifty , and I do work and have other interests, I can't bear to be in the house any longer than I have to, I'm scared to just sit down and stop , I'm either desperately sad or high as kite the whole time I never feel at peace

Have you considered getting a job? Or volunteering to occupy your spare time.

Individual counselling, then maybe marriage counselling might be in order.

If you can't find the desire for your husband, then at least offer him an open marriage or leave him. It's not fair and with 2 affairs on the go, it's a matter of time before you get caught. The other betrayed spouse could come straight to your husband and tell him. Then you'll be called every name under the sun.

Have you thought of the amount of sexual fluids being mixed? Imagine if the other two wives are doing the same as you. .... People's health is at risk. Even a condom doesn't prevent every std.

You need to have a period of very close self-examination to discover why you are seeking to sabotage your marriage.

Not feeling "the spark" with your husband is not carte blanche to shag anything with a pulse. You admit that the sex itself isn't even terribly satisfying, so why bother?

To be frank I think you should do your shagging-around only after you've admitted to your husband that your marriage is over, and you have set him free. He doesn't deserve to be cuckolded so carelessly. You patently have no respect for him or his feelings and appear to not have much for yourself either

Many long years ago I went a bit mad - all my friends told me I was manic. Of course I was having none of it. Nearly fucked my marriage, but came down naturally.

Since that time I've been hospitalised a v few times with hypomania (life changes and a little bit of medication seem to have sorted this).

Do you have a good friend who can give you feedback on your apparent states? (Pressured speech is one of my warning signs (ie talking v fast without letting anyone else speak), also sleep problems. These days I watch out for these things, with hypomania it's all too easy to lose insight.)

Not saying this necessarily applies to you, but do take care.

I'm at the double standards on this forum.

OP, when I read your opening post, the first thought was for your children as my (narc) mother had affairs, always put herself before her children and consequently I have zero respect for her and am NC (for lots of other reasons, not just her affairs and destructive behaviour).

If you're not fulfilled in your marriage, end it. Your DH does not deserve to be shat on like this. As for your children, they will most likely be picking up on your behaviour.

I rarely sleep but never feel tired, my children are young adults not tiny, I don't know how to stop and am seeking out riskier and riskier men

Its easy really. Tell your husand everything, he can chuck you out / leave and you are free to carry on as to be honest it dosnt look like you are going to stop.
He can find someone who does want to have sex with him, though as you sound so wrapped up in yourself I doubt you'd notice if he was also having an affair

I also suggest you have an sti check

You have 2 men on the go now and maybe a 3rd

What the fuck

Time to take stock and look at what this is doing to your marriage. You say it's sexless who chose that you or him. Do you want to stay married as to could go tits up and soon then what.

Addiction my Arse This is all me me me.

Borderline personality disorder perhaps

You sound a bit like a manic depressive to me like my eldest sibling. Counselling, GP and if you can tell your husband as this is way out of control. I knew someone like you once OP and everyone knew what she was doing and felt so bad for her husband.

This is just awful. You're cheating on your husband with two other men and the advice is to get a job or do some volunteering? I'm really shocked by the double standards.

I too am absolutely aghast at the first few responses to this thread. Yes you may or may not have some sort of MH issue going on that is causing you to behave like this and feel as you do, with feeling 'high as a kite' to 'desperately sad' and the need to seek out riskier and riskier men.

But frankly if you were a man no-one would give a stuff about that. Can you imagine a man writing that he has a perfectly nice and blameless wife and children at home and yet he is sleeping with not one but TWO women and contemplating an affair with a third, and getting responses like:

'you need help. Why not book yourself some counselling to berter undersatnd this destructive behaviour.'

'perhaps get a job or do something that will give you more self esteem and value!'

'I think you sound bored/depressed'

'Just think what you could do if you could reclaim this time you are wasting!'

'An addiction is an addiction, full stop. Whether it is drugs, alcohol, gambling, shop-lifting, food, sex etc'

'Have you considered getting a job? Or volunteering to occupy your spare time.'

'Sounds like counselling would really benefit you.'

I mean seriously, what the actual fuck?

Totally agree with the double standards being set here, yes you may well have mh issues-but absolutely nothing in this entire world is making you carry out these affairs! Ok if you blame the thoughts/urges on mh, however you are well enough to write a post asking for advice so you know what you're doing is wrong.
Get a grip, stop shagging around and pay your dh the respect the poor sod deserves! Either tell him everything, or sort it out by yourself (no amount of cleaning or volunteering will help you with that)

Okay, so this is not great. You need to see someone about this. However your high and low description sounds a bit like bipolar disorder 2 (I have it, and know what it's like!). Please go see someone for help, and you can turn it all around.