affairs, lies ,sex,attention (me not him)

[falling2pieces69]

This will sound mad but I am a long term member of here ,not a troll
I am currently having two affairs and possibly about to embark on a third , I'm married with kids as are they, they both profess to love me but I know deep down its just a regular shag
I'm addicted to the excitement of it and a lot of the time feel happier than I ever have, lost loads of weight and just love the attention and the texting
But, I know I'm being used and find it impossible to stop, I absolutely know it's wrong and I'm an awfull person I don't low why I felt so high and happy with it
I honestly feel like I've taken leave of my senses but can't stop
The sex isn't even very good, never had an orgasm with any of them
I need help desperately

To be honest those of you that are saying 'MH issues or not...' clearly have no understanding of bipolar disorder and how it works and the parts of the brain/personality it impacts at all.

I recognised the hypermania thing that a previous poster mentioned, and I'm not feeling high just now just very low, as to how I would feel if my husband was doing this, right now I wouldn't care
I was hoping for some sort of light bulb moment by posting, for something to resonate and make me see things clearly

I really very much suggest that step one is seeing whether you meet the symptoms contained in this article as the answer to that really drives where you go from here:

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

Stumbly, some of that sounds very like me but not all, the manic episodes totally describe how I feel, I don't have any history of substance abuse unless you include food in that, I was a bit overweight but since this has been happening I've pretty much starved myself thin, I was sexually abused by my dad until age thirteen, I'm not saying any of this as an excuse , just in reference to the article

I don't want to have a mental illness, that's just making me worse , I'm really upset, I could cope better with just being a horrible person who cheats

The thrill and excitement at the risk of causing a huge amount of pain to the people you're supposed to love?

Arsehole

Yep.

And I don't believe you want help, I think you are just enjoying the attention of coming on here and boasting about it.

Your poor family.

Bipolar and borderline personality disorder are both complex and just because someone sounds like they have some traits doesn't mean the OP has it. If the OP is concerned about her mental health she can visit the GP. There is a huge difference to suggesting she gets seen to assess her mood to suggesting she has serious and enduring mental health problems.

I'm not suggesting she self-diagnoses only that she exhibits many of the tell tale signs according to her posts and that a chat to the GP might be in order.

OP....I don't really know what you're looking for on here.

Obviously you are doing things that are deeply hurtful to your DH and your children (they would still be hurt as adults).

Either way you need to stop and I assume you know that so either you recognise yourself in the bipolar description which means you are not fully in control of what you're doing and you should talk to a GP OR you don't, and you are fully in control in which case you just need to stop.

I'm not boasting, far from it, I just wanted help as I can't seem to think straight or trust my own judgement, I'm sorry if it's came across like
I just wanted help

You need RL help. See your Gp and them what you have told us.

I suggest you read the 'JFO' (just found out) thread and see the trauma and devastation an affair has on the betrayed spouse.

www.survivinginfidelity.com

Then also have a read of other wayward spouses like yourself. See the regret and remorse and realisation of the damage they caused. It offers great insight. It provides support and for your protection, insults are not allowed. However, if you have no intention of ending the affair and the Mods realise that, they'll stop you from posting, but you can still read and learn.

You are on the high of affairs. It's your cocaine. When your world comes crashing down around you, you'll hate yourself.

At present, you still have insight. But IME this kind of state can escalate to the point where the sufferer loses touch with reality (delusional). Or starts spending money they haven't got on crazy stuff that seems logical at the time (met someone in hosp who had bought a lorry for her family). Creditors don't tend to take MH issues into account when dealing with the aftermath.

See your GP, please.