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Relationships

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Original poster

Help me interpret this email from an exDP

66 replies

jaffacakesaremyfave · 09/12/2016 13:59

If an ex from a year ago sent this email how would you interpret it?

Jaffa, the love i had for u was real and i still love u now. Things are different in my life this side. we can still keep in touch though Jaffa...i will always respect you

I'm guessing the 'different' means he's in another relationship and it's serious. I want to get back together with him but after receiving this I'm confused as he says he still loves me but then the word 'though' means whatever 'different' means, we can keep in touch despite this.

I can't stop analysing every word and it's driving me nuts!

OP posts:

WappersReturns · 09/12/2016 14:01

He's trying to mess with your head. Looks like it's working too. He's an ex for a reason surely?

moreslackthanslick · 09/12/2016 14:01

He's keeping you on the back burner in case whatever "different" thing in his life now doesn't work out and he can get a shag.

OurBlanche · 09/12/2016 14:04

I think Kim Wilde had this nailed. He is keeping you hanging on, because he can, you are allowing him to!

WannaBe · 09/12/2016 14:04

How did this email come about? Is it in response to one from you saying you want to get back together?

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 09/12/2016 14:04

He is baiting you.
I would think he wants to reel you into a "sometimes girl" status.

It is the "I will always respect you" line that would seem a bit of a slap to me. Why the heck wouldn't he respect you?

He is an ex for a reason...leave it (bait) alone.

CarolOfTheBells · 09/12/2016 14:05

Agree. He's messing with you.

It doesn't make sense. So he's banking on you getting in touch to clarify at the very least. If he wanted you back then he'd be straight and you wouldn't need to 'interpret' it.

I'd ignore tbh. I really would.

bluelilies · 09/12/2016 14:05

I'd agree wtih pp that most likely he's moping about still wanting you, but actually he has someone else so realises he (probably) can't have both.

But it's a bit cryptic - if you like him you could reply in a bit more detail, just chatty, not full on, and ask him what's doing in his life. Then you'll know rather than just guessing.

SheldonsSpot · 09/12/2016 14:07

He's in a relationship, but will happily shag you on the side if you're up for it, or at least, keep you hanging on in case "different" doesn't work out.

Original poster

jaffacakesaremyfave · 09/12/2016 14:08

It's in response to an email I sent. I didn't say I wanted him back (although I do) but I said I couldn't understand why he didn't want to be friends.

The background to this is that we were long distance and still live in different countries (so no chance he is saying this for a shag). We broke up because of distance.

Are there any other things that 'different' could mean than another woman?

OP posts:

bluelilies · 09/12/2016 14:18

He may not be after a shag so much as after clinging onto the idea that he could have you if he wanted to. An enjoyable fantasy whilst he simultaneously has his real life, with - most likely - a real GF. I can't really think what "different" might mean other than a GF, as it seems to be the reason that despite loving you he isn't available. But you don't have to put up with cryptic messages - ask him directly what "different" means!

forumdonkey · 09/12/2016 14:26

Just a question, you say you are long distance, you say you initiated the email, why? You've just opened yourself up to heart ache instead of moving on.

Trifleorbust · 09/12/2016 14:33

With the context that you emailed him asking why you couldn't be friends, his email is an attempt at kind closure. He respects you but that's as far as it goes, OP, sorry.

DollyPlastic · 09/12/2016 14:35

He's got someone else I'm afraid.

SheldonsSpot · 09/12/2016 14:36

Ah ok, put into context he's trying to kindly brush you off.

I suspect that "keeping in touch" will mean you initiating contact with him only replying sporadically, taking longer and longer to reply, until he stops all together.

Done open yourself up to this. It's over, work on moving on.

SheldonsSpot · 09/12/2016 14:37

*Don't

Original poster

jaffacakesaremyfave · 09/12/2016 14:40

Because I still love him Donkey, I've tried to move on but I can't forget him. I really thought he was 'the one'

I was worried it was just a kind response. He says other things in the email, about memories and things he's kept from our time together, that we had a special bond and he'd never loved anyone as much before me, that he cares about me.

He mixes past and present tense so it's all very confusing. It really hurts to know that this is it, more than when we broke up

OP posts:

Trifleorbust · 09/12/2016 14:43

You are allowing yourself to set too much store by his emails - not helpful of him to send them really.

Either ask him directly whether there is a conversation to be had about getting back together, or ignore any further emails and don't send anymore. My gut feeling is that he is wasting your time

riceuten · 09/12/2016 14:43

He wants the occasional no consequences kneetrembler, if I am being honest with you

CarolOfTheBells · 09/12/2016 14:47

Ah well as his email was only a response to you, I think he is trying to kindly tell you he isn't interested without actually being that blunt.

Leave him, and it, alone now.

WannaBe · 09/12/2016 14:48

I don't think he's playing you TBH. But equally I think that sending him the email wasn't a good idea.

The relationship ended. He doesn't want to be friends because you were in a relationship and he doesn't see friendship as a consequence of that.

It's quite possible that he loves you, but the relationship has no future. You need to move on, for yourself as much as anything, and stop contacting him.

KatharinaRosalie · 09/12/2016 14:48

He has a girfriend. He wants to keep you hanging on, just in case - either in case things don't work out, or just as an ego boost

happychristmasbum · 09/12/2016 15:00

He is trying to let you down gently.

Time to move on

Original poster

jaffacakesaremyfave · 09/12/2016 15:01

I sent him a very cringey reply trifle. I read the first line and then was convinced he still loved me too, so I basically made it clear that I wanted him back.

I don't think he'll reply and I've promised myself this will be the last email if he doesn't.

Why didn't he just ignore it though? He has ignored past emails

OP posts:

AmeliaJack · 09/12/2016 15:07

He didn't ignore it because ignoring your emails hasn't worked in stopping you.

He has a new girlfriend and is trying to be kind.

Leave the poor man alone. You can't be friends, you don't want to be friends so it will never be friendly it will always be heart breaking for you and awkward and embarrassing for him.

Make a nice clean break and start afresh in the new year.

Trifleorbust · 09/12/2016 15:08

Who can really say? It's impossible to read someone else's thoughts, isn't it? What I would say is that there is a way someone who does love you and want you back should behave: he should reply in good time, that reply should suggest next steps, it shouldn't be at all cryptic. A two week wait, a non-committal response, anything you might be able to easily misinterpret? Ignore and block him.

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