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Original poster

Help me interpret this email from an exDP

66 replies

jaffacakesaremyfave · 09/12/2016 13:59

If an ex from a year ago sent this email how would you interpret it?

Jaffa, the love i had for u was real and i still love u now. Things are different in my life this side. we can still keep in touch though Jaffa...i will always respect you

I'm guessing the 'different' means he's in another relationship and it's serious. I want to get back together with him but after receiving this I'm confused as he says he still loves me but then the word 'though' means whatever 'different' means, we can keep in touch despite this.

I can't stop analysing every word and it's driving me nuts!

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 09/12/2016 15:09

Why didn't he just ignore it though? He has ignored past emails

I suspect it was clearer than you thought that you want him back, and he was gently letting you down - that things are different for him now, he did treasure the time you had together but he's moved on. He's tried to word it carefully so he doesn't upset you but also doesn't give the wrong impression.

I can't see any good coming of waiting for a reply; I'd block him now. He's only really got three options - an awkward reply that reiterates that he's moved on, which will be pretty horrible for both of you; a reply that aims to keep you interested incase he fancies some extramarital attention at some point, or no reply.

This will hurt; if you mitigated the pain of the original break-up by thinking it would be 'fixed' sooner or later. Going no contact and throwing yourself into other things will help; but it's time that's the biggest healer. Unfortunately, the only time that matters is the time when you're accepting that there's nothing between you anymore - so the clock has restarted. You will get there, though.

Flowers
WritersBlockk · 09/12/2016 15:16

I read that as:

"We can still keep in touch though."

Meaning that's all he can offer you. He's stringing you along I would say. What's the point of saying he loves you if he's in a relationship with someone else?

Arfarfanarf · 09/12/2016 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WappersReturns · 09/12/2016 15:19

Oh dear Sad yes with the context added it does very much sound like a let down. I think he's being unfair to say he still loves you now and you can keep in touch, it is messing with your head and he would have been kinder to be straight with you.

Try not to obsess over it now though, what's said has been said and it's probably for the best if he doesn't reply. Put it behind you now Flowers

tipsytrifle · 09/12/2016 15:20

I think you have to resist emailing him again. Much as you love/d him, this is over. It's more than possible that he is now married. It's highly improbable that your lives will ever cross paths again. This is the harsh truth. You're allowed to be sad, yearning; to grieve that this was a beautiful non-starter of a relationship. He replied because he genuinely had feelings for you, maybe even love. But it is not to be.

His love for you has not prevented him from moving along in his own country, possibly according to family wishes. You should move on too, for your own sake. Nourish your broken heart but really really let him go now. Stick to your promise, wisely made, not to contact him again, not even to say goodbye. It's already been said Chocolate

TheNaze73 · 09/12/2016 15:29

It sounds like he's totally done with you but, being nice rather than brutally honest.

Go no contact & show your self some respect.

He's not interested

Original poster
jaffacakesaremyfave · 09/12/2016 15:38

Abit more background is that I emailed in August, just friendly stuff to which he replied. We exchanged two more emails straight away and then I heard nothing so I sent him the email on Monday. It ended with ' I know I have to let you go so I'll leave you in peace and try to forget'

So I was letting him know that it was the last email but he replied to it which makes less sense that he was trying to get rid of me.

However, I know that 'keep in touch' is pretty non-committal, he hasn't replied to my response and the email was pretty vague but then English isn't his first language.

Everyone always says block and ignore exes (usually with good reason) but what if there is a 4th option, he really does still love me and he doesn't have a girlfriend and 'different' means he's in a better position to move and be with me?

I guess I'll keep coming up with responses for every negative because in my heart I'm not ready to accept it's over. I will leave him alone now though.

OP posts:
KatharinaRosalie · 09/12/2016 15:44

there really isn't any way you can interpret 'we can keep in touch though' as 'I want to re-start our relationship'.

JE678 · 09/12/2016 15:47

It sounds pretty unequivocal to me. He is acknowledging what you once had but letting you know he's moved on. It sucks, but it sounds like this one is in the past.

AmeliaJack · 09/12/2016 15:48

In that case he relied to be kind because he thought it was your final email exchange.

I'm sorry, if he loved and wanted you he'd have called you to say so. You haven't exactly been coy.

I'm sorry, I'm sure that's hard to read.

Original poster
jaffacakesaremyfave · 09/12/2016 15:48

In my last email I was saying that I couldn't understand why he doesn't want to keep in touch.

So possibly it means 'but we can keep in touch though'?

Again clutching at straws. I know I sound like a fool

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 09/12/2016 15:49

It sounds far too much like hard work.

It's hard when you love someone so much and just want to be with them, but I think what we have to do is realise that IF they were The One then they'd be going out of their way not to lose us too. He's not. He's not pushing for your relationship and if he's not now, he never will.

Try to accept that it's over and don't waste any more time wishing that it was different. Live for today & really throw yourself into the future...there's a whole life out there that you've yet to find 🍷

(I really regret wasting too much time hoping things would be different, it changed the intended course of my life, far more than the initial break up would have done if I'd just moved forward instead).

Original poster
jaffacakesaremyfave · 09/12/2016 15:50

I know you're all right. He never called.....not once.

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 09/12/2016 15:51

Thing is, it's only in your heart that it might not be over. Because you're the one carrying the flame of hope. He really has made it clear that all he is offering is "respect", which in this case means he is not offering romance or a return to this country to reclaim you. He is trying to be kind and gentle. Maybe he is flattered, too. You know full well what "different" means in this case, jaffa. You really do. What-ifs are not real, they are fantasies. We've all been there and not seen them come to pass. You'll get through this and accept it in time.

AmeliaJack · 09/12/2016 15:52

Keep in touch to what end though?

You're just hurting yourself and prolonging the agony.

whattodowiththepoo · 09/12/2016 15:53

I would assume they had fun at the Christmas party and need to avoid emails while drunk.

SallyInSweden · 09/12/2016 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheNaze73 · 09/12/2016 16:01

I think a lot of this OP, is down to how he deals with ex's. He almost sounds too nice.

He will never initiate contact
He is in a new relationship, that he's happy in
If he wanted any part of you, he'd have let you know.

For your own sanity, stop torturing yourself & see today, as the first day of the rest of your life

redexpat · 09/12/2016 16:25

I respect you is man speak for I dont want you but im trying to be nice.

Original poster
jaffacakesaremyfave · 09/12/2016 17:31

You're all right. He is a kind and sweet man, hence why I still love him so much which no one IRL can understand why I'm still not over him. I've dated a lot to try and forget him but no one else can ever compare.

I guess because I still have feelings, I've decided somewhere in my subconscious that he must too, that it's meant to be. His email yesterday fed into that but I can see how wrong I am now. It's very hard for me to accept though

I think the respect comment maybe came in reply to my previous email. The girl he was with before me was (according to him) horrible but she sent him naked begging emails during our relationship which he never replied or just never opened and I made reference to the fact that he moves on so quickly and now I'm in her shoes when I felt sorry for her before.

He said 'i do care about u a lot Jaffa, and i dont want you to compare yourself to any of my ex-girlfriends,., you and me shared a special bond'

So I think the respect thing was part of this or I'm overthinking again and it means something flippant.

OP posts:
CarolOfTheBells · 09/12/2016 18:05

jaffa I think it's just words. It's all just cliche's. He might as well be telling you that it's not you, it's him or that he wants to focus on his career right now...

CarolOfTheBells · 09/12/2016 18:06

Posted too soon...

He has tried to ignore you, that hasn't worked. He's tried to respond with non encouraging social chit chat, that hasn't worked. He's trying to close it down now. Please let this time be the time it works. Flowers

redexpat · 09/12/2016 18:55

Oh jaffa. That does sound really hard.

Ohitdo · 09/12/2016 19:21

I don't think it's fair of you to be asking why he doesn't want to stay in touch. Then he felt obliged to write you a kind message but is really letting you down gently.

I had a recent ex asking to meet for coffee as friends. I said yes out of politeness but then had to make excuses as I really didn't want to go. I should have said no in the first place.

It's hard I know but you need to let him go.

user1471439240 · 09/12/2016 23:01

At this time he thinks he loves her more, he's not sure though. He is leaving a door open.

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