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Original poster

Paying for something for his ex

91 replies

Lostandfound1 · 07/12/2016 16:46

AIBU to think that my partner should not be taking out a phone contract for his ex girlfriend ? And paying the bill for her.

We've been together for nearly two years.
They have children yes.
They don't communicate between visits etc so it's not like it's for the kids to remain in contact.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lostandfound1 · 07/12/2016 17:38

It's not a retention. He asked her to look elsewhere and find a deal that suited her /phone she wanted.

They are cordial and she doesn't withhold contact etc so he would know her number. As I said he has the home phone - work and email details.

OP posts:
unicornpoopoop · 07/12/2016 17:40

So if she were to run up a huge bill surely he would have to pay it?

Graphista · 07/12/2016 17:43

He's paying more maintenance than needed - do you mean he's paying above the MINIMUM required by law? How much does he pay for how many children?

Original poster
Lostandfound1 · 07/12/2016 17:43

It is just odd I think there is no need.
If it were the council tax or a bill that is a necessity I could understand.
Having a new mobile phone isn't a necessity etc.
I don't think he would be happy if I walked in and said oh mu ex has just bought me a new phone and paying the monthly bill.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lostandfound1 · 07/12/2016 17:44

He pays what he should and more - so it is nothing to do to filling a gap in maintenance , he could just give her the extra it's the fact that he is actually going through the effort to pay for the phone etc and renew when he really does not need to.

OP posts:
DoubleNegativePanda · 07/12/2016 17:53

It's unusual, but I don't think there's anything sinister about it. It sounds like your DP is a good person who has decided to give some extra help to the mother of his children. Wish there were more co-parents like him around who did more than the minimum required.

Atenco · 07/12/2016 17:53

Another one who doesn't understand how this affects you.

As he has children with her, they are going to be involved with each other until the children grow up. Anything that makes that relationship better is good for the children. It sounds like they have got through the hating each other stage and are now heading to being friends.

DoubleNegativePanda · 07/12/2016 17:54

Ultimately though, it's none of your business what he does with maintenance or extra help to her. That's why he's being evasive; it has nothing to do with you.

RUM2 · 07/12/2016 18:02

Lost,

Take no notice of some on here. They are the equivalent of your DP's ex so always see questions like this from the side of the "hard done to" ex!

It is weird and I would go one further. If you don't have any kids with this fella, get rid and get someone who has not got this level of baggage because they are a pain in the Arse!

Original poster
Lostandfound1 · 07/12/2016 18:22

I imagine if we we were to apply for a mortgage or generally do something that would involved our finances to be joined then it would be my business yet you've failed to ask that.

I don't think he needs to be paying for a phone for her.
It makes no difference to their relationship at all and doesn't affect their children in anyway - whether he or she is paying for it.

It is a contract he is entering into and a form of credit and that is my issue

OP posts:
Pestilence13610 · 07/12/2016 18:28

He entered one fuck of a contract when he had DC, the phone is the least of your problems.

lookatyourwatchnow · 07/12/2016 18:34

Yeah OP, it is weird. Even more curious that he's had such a sudden change of heart about it.

peri89 · 07/12/2016 18:37

How much is it?

I find it weird, but it depends on the particulars of their relationship so much. It really might be that he wants there to be a source of contact at all times for the children, whether he's forthright about that or not. To be honest, it's maybe not so much the fact that he's it but his lack of explanation that would bother me. It makes you feel uncomfortable so he, as your partner, should explain why he's doing it.

TheDramaLlama123 · 07/12/2016 18:37

What Pestilence said! I would suggest Guilt.

Suburbopolis · 07/12/2016 18:38

He sounds like a decent guy and that is priceless OP.

Suburbopolis · 07/12/2016 18:42

Btw, If I can extend a small courtesy to my x (calendar from the kids' school, tea bags, bags for life from the school, and those things aren't cheap, I usually buy him one and one for his mum too. )

It's just something I can do to keep things ticking along and it doesn't require any big concession on my part and it doesn't require communication.

He probably views it like that.

Suburbopolis · 07/12/2016 18:45

tea bags not sure what I meant there! I meant those fundraising things the schools produce with kids pictures on them. And school photos, I pay for copies for him too (again, not cheap) but I'm the point of contact.

BubbleGumBubble · 07/12/2016 18:48

I can see why you would be a bit Hmm but it is his choice. I cant see what harm it is doing unless you cannot aford for him to continue paying it.
Maybe he knows that she could not afford it without him paying and he can pay for it without it impacting him finacially so is being nice.

Original poster
Lostandfound1 · 07/12/2016 18:49

Completely different to tying yourself into paying an expensive phone bull every month.

Working in a school you aren't palmed off with those things monthly !

It is more that he's creating another tie when he does not need to.

OP posts:
Manumission · 07/12/2016 18:51

It's a very minor thing to be 'irked' by.

Your take on child support is odd too. Would you rather he paid the minimum legally permissible ?!

Do you have DC?

OhTinky · 07/12/2016 18:53

Is the phone actually for the kids rather than her?

Manumission · 07/12/2016 18:54

It is more that he's creating another tie when he does not need to.

How is it a significant 'tie'? It's not even joint credit Confused

These are two people who made humans together, they're ALWAYS going to be very seriously tied. But a phone concerns you?

Is this a reverse? Are you the exw?

Original poster
Lostandfound1 · 07/12/2016 19:04

No I am his current woman.
But as I am only going to get jumped up responses I will ask for the post to be removed.

OP posts:
BubbleGumBubble · 07/12/2016 19:17

You are not being jumped on.

Christ why ask for opinions then throw a strop when you dont hear ones you like. Thats people for you OP.

Look if you hate it then tell DP but you have to decide your next move if he says he was happy to do it.

Sometimes its just nice to be nice. No motive needed.

Manumission · 07/12/2016 19:20

I'm his current woman

Yes, and?

She's the mother of his children. They ARE tied Confused