Nervewracked - just lost my cool and told him to fuck right off. Have collected necessary documents and passports, ds birth certificate and locked myself in ds room. Stupid to do it in middle of night but when I lose it I lose it big time.
His idea of trying to make up to me that he had an affair (emotional and probably physical, who even cares) for over a year, missing our ds 2nd birthday and so on is that:
a) my life has changed so much since I found out which I should be grateful for - by this he means he sort of does a share of the parenting and I'm no longer doing 24/7 for ds as I was before I found out about the affair and that ds now goes to preschool (which company pays for since we're on expat assignment).
B) he "pays" for everything, so I should be happy I get to go on trips to see my family - aside from the fact I gave up my phd and moved away from all my friends and half my family to follow his career that he insisted he wanted to the US where I never wanted to live in the first place but I should feel fucking grateful he "pays" for me to see my family. and that if we didn't move to the states I would have my own fucking income.
Thanks for listening. Needed to rant - so much more I could say. Sitting here shaking while ds sleeps. Gonna be a long night.