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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is my gut feeling wrong?

54 replies

Inexperiencedchick · 06/12/2016 20:40

So, have been exchanging messages with someone over the phone, met online.
After few weeks offered him to meet up, he was up for it.
Agreed for the 7th of December.
Yesterday I texted him to double check if he is still available to meet.
He texted back saying his friend from another country came and he has been invited for a meal at 8:30, so he could allocate me only 30 min before going to see his friend. Or he is happy to change for Thursday.
My reply was for him not to worry about Wednesday and enjoy his time with a friend and for me being busy on Thursday.
He know I can't do on Thursdays, and I dont want to be rushed while meeting someone. I felt like someone is offering me some of his time so I could shut up... or am I exaggerating?
He appologised and explained that he only found out about it over the weekends. But every single time he offers something, he doesn't follow it through and finds an excuse.
My question is:
Am I right to trust my gut feelings and not wanting to meet up with him anymore?
Have I been just played pathetically?

OP posts:
MistyMinge · 06/12/2016 20:44

So he only bothered to inform you when you double checked. Hmmm I'd say he's meeting up with other women and is pushing you to the back of the queue so to speak.

I think I'd forget this one if I was you.

HeyRoly · 06/12/2016 20:44

Trust your gut. Half an hour for a first "date"? Naaaaah.

justpeachy74 · 06/12/2016 20:46

Trust your gut!

magoria · 06/12/2016 20:48

He can only allocate you 30 mins?

Yeah say bye, walk away.

BenHer · 06/12/2016 20:50

Bin him and move on.

Dozer · 06/12/2016 20:50

Move on.

Original poster
Inexperiencedchick · 06/12/2016 20:52

This is what I texted back:
"Not sure what we can find out about each other in 30 min time...

I'm not a prostitute and not selling my body to have a time set.
I found it very rude actually.

OP posts:
MumOfTwoMasterOfNone · 06/12/2016 20:53

You can always find time for someone you WANT to meet. Trust your gut and move on. It's an indicator of how he would treat you in a relationship. Flowers

Sassypants82 · 06/12/2016 20:54

Incredibly rude. Wouldn't waste your time.

jadeyty · 06/12/2016 20:54

Let him do the chasing instead. Tell him you can't do Thursday and let him propose a new date. If he doesn't, or he does but messes you around again, then he's really not worth pursuing.

Original poster
Inexperiencedchick · 06/12/2016 20:54

Thank you MumOfTwo, I think so too. 💐

OP posts:
VioletRoar · 06/12/2016 20:56

Run.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 06/12/2016 20:57

It rather smacks of, 'you can pop over for half an hour if you like, but I've got plans.'

As previously advised, bin him and move on.

No, you haven't been played but if you accept this behaviour now, it's a green light that you will tolerate being played.

Brace yourself for him having the cheek to give the impression that it's you being awkward.

Original poster
Inexperiencedchick · 06/12/2016 21:04

After all I replied: "maybe next time", but in my mind i closed the door behind myself.
I'm not planning meeting him, it's enough...

Plus he said "he is sorry as he only found out over the weekends"

Normal person in that case apologises straight and tries to rearrange another time. But he waited until I texted him myself. Pathetic?!

OP posts:
MumOfTwoMasterOfNone · 06/12/2016 22:03

Yes it's pathetic. If he gave a shit he would have text and/or phoned to explain and asked if you minded rearranging. You're worth more.

Ladygrinings0ul · 06/12/2016 22:17

Next !

StiffenedPleat · 06/12/2016 22:31

Why don't you offer to walk past his kitchen window naked, while he's eating with his friend from abroad. Then he can decide if he wants to see you again?

Finola1step · 06/12/2016 22:33

Bin him

Original poster
Inexperiencedchick · 06/12/2016 23:03

Stiffened you are hilarious 😂

OP posts:
ocelot7 · 06/12/2016 23:04

Ideally don't message for so long before meeting next time so it doesn't become a big deal. Also it seems odd to have set a date so far in advance that messaging had dropped off before you got to it so that you had to check. Things can come up & sometimes its worth giving someone the benefit of the doubt but yr gut is telling you not this time.

Original poster
Inexperiencedchick · 06/12/2016 23:19

Ocelot, if I wouldn't offer to meet up he would continue with texting.
I gave him few times the benefit of the doubt on other occasions... that is why I posted here to see if I'm wrong.
I might be wrong , who knows.
My issue here is (and I keep asking myself) why not to text me and say what has come up and rearrange?

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 07/12/2016 06:26

Trust your gut. Everytime

Idodo · 07/12/2016 06:45

Leave it. You don't want to end up like the recent poster on here who had been texting someone for seven years and they still hadnt met up.

hesterton · 07/12/2016 06:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PassMeTheFrazzlesPlease · 07/12/2016 09:56

Definitely trust your gut! And don't move your boundaries "just in case" he is The One