DH has always been really difficult and prone to get nasty if he can't get his own way.
Over the years he has let me make some decisions (for instance I make all the decisions about the children) but he will pull rank over some things, like finances. He also controls where I go and hates me having friends.
We married very young, soon after I had left school. I had been ill through secondary school so left with no qualifications, and he had a good trade, so I raised the children, ran the home and worked part time, fitting it around the family.
Meanwhile, he worked hard, and concentrated on his career which gave us a good standard of living, and eventually had several good promotions. He never contributed to the home other than financially - no bed time stories, or trips to the park, or washing up or cooking, as that was all left to me. He worked from home and would make life really hard by messing up the house while I was at work because i think he was resentful that I wasn't at home, so he made life retry miserable.
When our youngest was born, he insisted I got a part time evening job and he would look after the baby, but the it was awful - he would make me late every day, mess up the house while I was out, and the baby wasn't looked after properly, e.g. not fed or nappy changed or put to bed. Often I would get home and youngest would be roaming the house alone while DH had taken himself to bed.
I stuck it out for eighteen months but handed in my notice in the end. Since then (ten years ago) I have been a SAHM.
I have done a bit of volunteering but DH has been really unsupportive - in the last role, he decided (for no apparent reason) that I was cheating on him with another volunteer and kept threatening to confront this person until I gave it up.
About a year ago, he told me that I had been sponging off him for years, and he was sick of it. I have been trying to find a job since then, but he has put barriers up every time I have an interview, and ridiculed me if they are not what he thinks of as a good job. So I haven't found anything yet.
I feel such a failure - I thought I was doing the best thing by looking after my family but now it turns out that I am just some sort of fool who is now unqualified for anything and has very little work experience, and a DH who resents me every day because of it.
After he ranted at me all day yesterday about my lack of income while we put up the decorations, he told me today that he plans to open a separate account so I can't touch his money. He just doesn't understand that I can't just find a job that he thinks is suitable. I feel so low and worthless today, and so tearful .
Sorry it's so long. I know I should leave him, and I would, but I think I need a job before I can.
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Relationships
Long marriage with controlling DH - he says I have just sponged off him
HoarseAndSad · 04/12/2016 11:37
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Op, it's so lovely to see/hear you sounding so much more positive. I must admit, reading your latest updates opened a door for me into my past of some 30 years ago, when I was in a very similar situation.
Without going into details I too began to plan my escape for the week he was working long afternoons - he also worked days and nights - as that gave me the longest time to leave.
So in the weeks before hand I began to move all of my personal items I knew he wouldn't notice had gone - such as my sewing machine, letters from friends, photos, spare clothes, bits of cash etc - to a very trusted friends house. She lived in the same street as me so whenever I knew he was out for a half hour or so I did this.
Could you do this OP? The pp's who mentioned you having an emergency bag are spot on but you can only put so much into them, and these personal things matter too, and who know what your 'D'H will do to your stuff once he finds it is gone.
For the record my 'D'H smashed everything of mine I left behind. He ripped my clothes, smashed LP's, ornaments ...just everything i hadn't managed to move, because in the end, I had to run for it with a baby in my arms and a knife in my shoulder.
The personal items I had managed to squirrel out of the house helped me to keep a sense of identity over the following months.
Your DC's sound fabulous. You will be fine. I'm sending you many, many good wishes for your new life and am typing this with a big smile on my face at knowing your freedom is imminent. 
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Hope you're doing ok OP and you get through Xmas without any drama and you can make plans to leave. Wishing you a peaceful Christmas.
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Hi OP was thinking about you and wondering how you are getting on, hope you had a good Christmas
Wow..massive well done and coming this far.
I am in awe!!
Keep at it and you'll be free.
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